Saturday, May 25, 2013;
♥ 12:43 AM
How are you feeling?
I ask my kids this question every single day. But it's been quite a while ever since i asked myself that, and actually answer it truthfully.
If only my feelings were restricted to happy, sad and angry, life would have been so much simpler.
Just realized it's been 2 years or so ever since. I'm glad that i'm finally moving on, your presence/absence/aloofness doesn't really bother me that much anymore. So probably getting outta there was the right choice, should have done so earlier, would have saved me much misery and insanity. Letting go really felt SO MUCH better.
“Most often we fall in love with the person we think we love but to only discover that for them, we are just for passing time while the one who truly loves us remains either a friend or a stranger. So here’s a piece of advice; let go when you’re hurting too much, give up when love isn't enough, and move on when things are not like before. For sure there is someone out there who will love you even more.” - Tumblr
And also probably cos there's something else occupying my life and mind now.
YOU are probably the only reason that makes me look forward to leaving the house for work every morning, and to leave school for home every evening. Making sure I wake up early every morning, so that i won't be late and miss the ride with you. I'd rather be early and wait for you. There were times that I awoke in horror, thinking that I was late. Thou we'd probably not talk for the 1st half of journey due to the crowd, but I'm more than happy just sitting and talking with you for the next half of it. The thought of seeing you the next day, and every single day, is enough to make smile. I'm really SO HAPPY to be able to see you every single day, to talk about things in our daily lives, random things.
But after talking to a friend today, my heart felt heavy, so heavy.
Guess it wouldn't be easy to enter your fortress, not at all. You're like an onion, with so many layers to peel off, and peeling each layer would bring tears, before i could reach the heart of it (if i ever manage to). I don't know much of your past, your past hurts and failures. I have always wanted to ask, but have yet found the courage, or don't know if it's the right time to ask. Realize our conversations still lie pretty much on the surface, so probably it's not the time to ask yet, cos you probably won't feel comfortable saying much about it.
I am fearful, very fearful about it. They are tall and pretty, and i'm nowhere near that, probably never ever will be either. And the feelings were mutual, so you really loved, but things just didn't really work out the way you wanted it, and you really lost. You probably know more about love and lost than I do. It's your past, the past that you had with them, that makes me feel so inferior, to cross the line, to get too close to you (not saying that you have a thing for me). As they say, nothing beats first love (or the first two for your case). The feelings y'all had, and memories shared, was undeniable, it's something that can't be erased, it's something that no one else can understand, and it's something no one else can ever replace; it's like history, that can't be changed and will always stand. But I really wanna know what happened, and how you feel about it now. Thou it's been quite a while, but I'm sure you loved her with all your heart back then, and it hurt so badly for you, so I don't know if you're over it already, cos you always seemed the same to me. But guess some things can never go back to how it was, and there will always be a thorn in your heart, a scar; which might cause you to be fearful of taking a step forward again in future. It's like a double barrier, on your side, and mine.
Don't think the feeling is mutual right down (don't know if it'll ever be), but I'm happy and enjoy being just a good friend at the moment, and as long as you don't reject me.
Very encouraging and tempting, but no I won't risk it, not willing to, it's way too delicate; I guess I'll be happy even if it's not reciprocated, just as the way it is now. I'd rather remain just as good friends, then to lose a friend; well, until maybe someone else comes along.
Saw yall talking happily to each other today, so guess everything's alright already aye? Can really see how happy you were, wonder if you're over it. But guess one can never really get over a past love totally. Felt quite sour about it actually, couldn't help but notice how smiley you were, looking at her and chatting with her. On the other hand, think i should feel happy that you guys are talking again. Well, whatever that makes you happy.
the voice of truth
tells me a different story
the voice of truth says
'do not be afraid'
