Friday, July 1, 2011;
♥ 2:10 AM
i dont know if its a feeling of emptiness or what
i kinda dont exactly know how to describe it.
its the feeling when things around you change, ppl around you change, their priorities and what they used to hold on to dearly change, and suddenly you realise its no longer the same anymore, everything is different.
turn back 5 yrs, and you would have packed your schedule till late just to meet all your friends, but now its just family and nothing else. well im not saying family ain't impt, neither am i saying smth else shld take priority over family. my point being everything is just different now. i dont deny that im a lil sad and disappointed being unable to catch you, but i understand your POV. but somehow or rather i feel thats not just it. it feels a lil like you're trying to run away, to escape all the questions and stuff you know ppl are going to bombard you with. you just wna save the trouble and effort of catching up with friends, you just really wanna take a break and chill, and have me time and family time.
i always believe and have this hope that when everyone comes back, it'll all be good and we'll be back to the good o'days. and so i've always been awaiting for this day to come. but now come to think about it, is that really the case? little things around me tells me that it wont, things have changed and it will never be how it once used to be. some found new besties, some besties never survived. yeah so it kinda leaves me feeling empty cos there's nth for me to look forward to now, cos the day that i've always awaiting will never come. unless time proves me wrong in time to come, but for now, i dont hold on to that hope anymore.
i dont know, is it all part of growing up? or is it just that everyone else has moved on, while i'm still living in denial, living in neverland? or is it just that some friends i can count-on more than the others? for me so far, i havent had anyone whom i could depend my life on, someone who i know will always be there no matter what (okay maybe not 100% always, maybe at least 90%). well im nt saying i shld have, cos i dont think i've been an excellent friend myself either. but at least i dare say that i always do try, especially to ppl whom i really love and care about.
ppl do change, but have i myself not changed too?
the voice of truth
tells me a different story
the voice of truth says
'do not be afraid'