Tuesday, June 17, 2008;
♥ 1:25 AM
gosh im so tired. maybe cos i slpt from 530-730. and i was trying so hard to do my compre but i simply couldnt concentrate cos of some stuff. had GP consultation. and gosh my AQ was like way out. sigh, maybe i wrote a freaking 2 pages. ARGH. rush off to meet my kids. they're doing well, almost everything is done. bt oh my son, it was a tiresome job trying to edit their proposal. their language and sentence structures are just weird! firstly trying to understand wht its trying to say, next to rephrase their idea so that its more comprehensible. being a language teacher aint easy man. then went home to mug. im finally starting chem. MCQ seems an easy option, bt in reality its killing me. especially electrochem and ionic equilibrium. oh man i hate those 2 topics. its simply driving me NUTS!
ytd morn was like a total trash out session-
truth stares right into my eyes
reality hit me fast and hard head-on
yes im devastated;
i said i was fine, i dont want you to feel bad
as much as i tried to put up a strong front, i'm no where near fine
you said you're sorry, but sadly, sometimes its really too late to apologise
you lied for your own convenience, but you left me hanging in mid-air
seeing more and more photos, my heart spells envy with pain
yall look compatible, cute, sweet, lovely, blissful together
afterall its 2 yrs, i dont know how long/short that feels for a couple, but yea its been 2 yrs
what can i say? what can i do? NOTHING but willow in self-pity
you say its complicated, but im sure the answer is obvious to everyone else but yourself
married with a ring; you're holding on. i know how badly you want it actually; stop deceiving yourself.
oh man what am i doing, saying all the things i shouldnt be saying at all
i really hated you for lying right from the start, why WHY WHY?!?! idiot.
oh boy but you just fit the bill TOTALLY
its like finding a treasure but you know you cant never have it, cos someone else found it FIRST
feelings given out is like water poured away, you can never take them back
but im sorry too, i never wanted to intrude, i never wanted to drag you into this shit
guess all i can do now is PRAY
its all yet another test of FAITH
i'm reminded to praise HIM in times or good AND bad
it all feels planned. who knows he'll be at his cuz hse; who knows he'll talk to me when he's away; who knows he'll mention abt his gf; who knows i'll ever know the truth this way.
i prayed for wisdom, i prayed for a sign, i prayed for a direction - its all been answered.
ZM was like a god sent guardian angel. i wouldnt have been hit back to reality if it werent for him. and just a while ago, when i was feeling so awful and i didnt know what to do and who to turn to cos im misssing him so badly cos he's away at camp, suddenly he just appeared online from overseas and talked to me. YES from overseas. its like the least possible thing i wld ever expect to happen. and we're like near strangers but yet we can talk, maybe cos he always knows whats going on in my mind. i dont want 28 june to come ): im scared.
anw whats with me man. always falling for the wrong guys. and maybe there's a curse on guys with younger brothers. this is like the 4th. get me out!
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk awayAnd never knowingWhat could have beenAnd not seeing that loving youIs what I was trying to doshe misses him badly;
she wants him back right now;
day 9;
the voice of truth
tells me a different story
the voice of truth says
'do not be afraid'
