Friday, June 27, 2008;
♥ 11:35 PM
gosh i cant believe its only week 1 and i'm feeling so exhausted alr. i dno why, maybe cos its just the 1st week, and everyone is feeling tired too. maybe it'll be better after this week. or maybe i'm just too distracted. distracted by the many different things. it aint just abt you, even if it is about you alone, its enough to drain my energy away alr; its enough to make me feel so listless the whole day. like today you didnt had paper, so didnt see you in sch, neither did you reply me. i just get so restless. cos for the whole day i've been thinking like oh where's he; what's he doing; why aint he replying me; did he even get the msg; whats going on; did smth happen and well the list goes on. and the fact that he didnt wake me up this time round makes me think even more. yea so obviously i missed the match. DAMN. i was kinda angry at first. but on 2nd thought, he's not obliged to do so; but i just dno why theres no news from him. neither did he fb nor blog nor msn. its kinda making me worried. and its like the last day before she comes back tmr, just give me your whole night man. ahhh! c'mon c'mon where're you?!?! ):
haven been studying the past 2 nights cos i was trying to hard to write my SGC. it seriously sucks man. i really dont know how to write. as in its like praising yourself and selling yourself thruout, thats uber thick skin la! i just so cannot type those words out. but yea i still had no choice. today was the mad rush man. the whole lib was filled with ppl, hogging the computers, doing their SGC, dropping them into the relevant folders, and printing their PQ out. but its just so annoying. its just murphy's law man. all things just go wrong at the wrong times. i dno is it just my class, bt apparently many ppl seem to be printing their PQ too. and the printer just had to break down at that time. how great. and we've to hand it in by 2.30.argh. my classmate is a librarian and so he tried to help us get it printed using the admin printer. and then again, somehow the printer got screwed up too. then finally we got it printed at the com lab. should have gone there from the start man. the printing was so fast and efficient! but yea we were still late anw, but apparently guess K doesnt know! HAHA!
the school is freaking damn quiet after school these few days. prolly cos J1s having terms, then i dno where have all the J2s gone. prolly home to mug. increasing J2s are staying in sch to mug, bt its still very quiet. maybe they're in the lib or hub or which means they're all seriously mugging hard at the canteen or void. the silence is really deafening. ironic. wed had entree mugging session! it was kinda productive i guess, taking into account i was so slpy after lunch, plus the afternoon, it was just so hard to concentrate! bt still i managed to complete my sampling tut! i'll prolly stay in sch frm next week onwards. prolly get entree gang, or huihui to study with me (: c'mon kat you've got to start to stay focused man. its 48 days to prelims!
i was getting so stressed up about anything and everything one of the days. i really just felt like dying, breaking down and crying. cos i really cant take it. its really so tiring. 50 days seems so lil to prepare for prelims, but on the other hand, i've still got to endure for another 50 days of hardship and mugging and stressing out. its like omg how am i supposed to survive thru the 50 days. and after which theres still like 2 months to A's. time seems short, but thinking abt it, its like 4 months of hardcore study and focusing non-stop. its scary man, doubt i'll have the stamina to finish the whole race.
Just as i was feeling so awful, yuexing sent me the verse of the week :"The battle is not yours but the Lord's.""The Lord of Hosts will fight for you and you will hold your peace.'' then i consulted yuexing and she replied: ''Daddy GOD has always been there alright, and yes, you may get tired of studying and just wanna give up, its really okay. take a break, and pray'' These words just sink into me so deeply. That affirmation is just what i needed i guess. knowing that IT IS OKAY. it is okay to feel tired and wanna give up. its perfectly fine to feel so, its normal. then I'm reminded to rely not on my own strength and wisdom, but the Lord's. I was reminded to seek GOD consistenly and pray for wisdom and strength to carry on each and every day. The Lord will never abandon or forsake us, HE will never let us fight this on our own. Anyway, we can't. GOD is good all the time! (:
Next week feels just as bad, 3 days of chem test straight. Oh wells, but theres Entree Chalet to look forward too! Sigh, sad man, its feels so nostalgic. All good things come to an end, how true. New exco will be out, J1s will be on their own soon, really hope to see entree grow upon the foundation we've built (if there even was a foundation in the first place). I'm just gonna go all out and go crazy, afterall its farewell J2s. and its at ZERO cost. HEY! no fair eh! i paid for seniors farewell, and we kinda got shit. yea. pathetic. nvm, as long as ours is good. heard there's gonna be buffet too! yet again. HAHA (: gonna do a lil smth for my entree lovelies <3
Leona Lewis - Better In TimeIt's been the longest winter without youI didn't know where to turn toSee, somehow i can't forget youAfterall that we've been throughGo in, come inThought I heard a knockWhos' there? No oneThinking that I deserved itNow i realise that I really didn't knowYou didn't notice, you mean everythingQuickly I'm learning, to love againAll I know is, Imma be okayThought I couldnt live without youIt's gonna hurts when it heals toIt'll all get better in timeEven though I really love youI'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve toIt'll all get better in timeHow could I turn on the TVWithout something there to remind mewas it all that easyto just put aside your feelingsIf I'm dreamingDont' wanna let, hurt my feelingsBut that's the path, I believe inAnd I know that, time will heal itYou didn't notice, you mean everythingQuickly I'm learning, to love againAll I know is, Imma be okaySince there's no more you and meIt's time I let you go so I can be freeAnd live my life how it should beNo matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without youYes, I willAm i trying/learning to let go? I really dont know. Am i wiling to let go? Can i let go? Guess i'll pray about it.
she misses him;day 20;
the voice of truth
tells me a different story
the voice of truth says
'do not be afraid'