_sugar coated lies & bare truths]]

To rid of the old; to embrace the new (:

2012-02-03T03:24:00.001+08:00

School is so busy that i hardly have time for anything else. Every week i'm constantly trying to meet deadlines. I've never had so many CAs, never read so many articles in one sem. Busy with attending talks and career fairs, thinking about all these all day long is just draining y energy. What do i really want, or should i just try as many things as possible? Apply for intern, or just try applying for a job? It makes socialising such a chore and so time-consuming, can't really be bothered to make new friends and indulge in school life anymore; but on the other hand, its my last semester already, should i try to make more out of it? But i really need time so badly.

But i really think i'm still not yet ready for the real working world out there, be it mentally or psychologically. It's like an inner part of me that just refuses to grow up. But if environment forces me to, i can't say no, but what can i do? This is a tricky and tough question.

Saw this on FB a couple of days ago.
When i came to the last line, i knew its over;
you're history (:

Disappointments or fact of life?

2012-01-26T15:13:00.001+08:00

Why is it that you never ever have time for me? Don't you realize that you're pretty much just a reflection of him? That's exactly how I felt, I'm sure you know how it feels. Just because I don't have the same status doesn't mean it works differently. Just because its a different status, I can't do what you did. Why am I only needed when you have a problem, why am I always the last to know. Why do I always have to be the one to look for you. I'm tired too, just trying to make time for you, which you obviously aren't keen to. Guess if I don't look for you, we'll prolly not talk and meet, maybe for the next 2...3...4...5...or even 10yrs. Do you really not bother? I don't want it to be like that, but now it really pisses me off that I'm so tempted to try it.

Maybe I'm seeing myself being too impt in your life; when in fact maybe I just happen to be there that's why I'm called in to help thats all; nth more than that.

I'll stop searching, I'll stop looking, I'll stop trying; but if you ever really need me again, I'll still be here; but I won't be there.

Yet another timely reminder

2011-10-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

Message from God on FB:

Give some of that weight where it belongs, - to God, and have faith that what happens is for the best, whether you understand it or not.

Yeah i don't know why God let that happened, but it really takes a huge amount of faith the believe that whatever happened is for the best. Another lesson i need to learn and practice.

A Lesson in Crying

2011-09-21T16:08:00.003+08:00

God really speaks to us, its really just so amazing.

Devotion for the day: A Lesson in Crying

Has your heart ever been broken? What broke it? Cruelty? Failure? Unfaithfulness? Loss? Perhaps you’ve crept into the darkness to cry.
It’s good to cry. “Tears are the only cure for weeping,” said Scottish preacher George MacDonald. A little crying does one good.
Jesus wept at His friend Lazarus’ grave (John 11:35), and He weeps with us (v.33). His heart was broken as well. Our tears attract our Lord’s loving kindness and tender care. He knows our troubled, sleepless nights. His heart aches for us when we mourn. He is the “God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation” (2 Cor. 1:3-4). And He uses His people to comfort one another.
But tears and our need for comfort come back all too frequently in this life. Present comfort is not the final answer. There is a future day when there will be no death, no sorrow, no crying, for all these things will “have passed away” (Rev. 21:4). There in heaven God will wipe away every tear. We are so dear to our Father that He will be the one who wipes the tears away from our eyes; He loves us so deeply and personally.
Remember, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5:4).

Think of a land of no sorrow,
Think of a land of no fears,
Think of no death and no sickness,
Think of a land of no tears. —Anon.

God cares and shares in our sorrow.

He is so real, Praise the LORD! (:

Missing home...

2011-09-13T04:37:00.000+08:00

Yes i miss home so badly, feel like skyping home these few days but always didnt manage to get the timing right. Miss my mom, my bro, my friends back home.

Had such a horrible day today. Actually the past few days hasn't really been good, since the day i arrived and moved in. Checking in with a States girl isn't really helping cos she's just un-contactable. Like she just knocked on my door at like 830am this morning telling me we actually have to be there at like 930am, when we were supposed to meet at like 1130am cos we thought out stuff was at 2pm. I didn't know why i didnt receive the email from the coordinator! My friend could have just fb-ed me and told me anyway whether i might see it or not. Yeah so i was like rushing to school alone for the first time, and i got a bit lost at first.

The briefing today was totally in french, and i could only pick up bits and pieces of it. But the lady was briefed us was nice enough cos i asked everything in english. Then it took us abt an hour of queueing here and there just to get our card for the restaurants in school, and to top it up, until the restaurants closed alr, so we tried the sandwich bar, but everything was sold out. Lucky i brought my yogurt out which was supposedly breakfast. Then the library tour, was in french again, didnt really know what she was talking either. I need a buddy with me 24/7 man, until everything is settled. Gosh. but glad i met this Belgium girl and another states girl. The Belgium girl was really nice, she offered to help and stuff. I shall just look her up for help as and when. It was another long queue to get the tag card. I don't know why its such long queues everywhere. I'm just so annoyed.

Then we managed to catch the shuttle svc up to our hostel. Doesn't shuttle svc means its free by its own? Apparently its not! And just so happen there were a grp of tickets checkers waiting for us at the bustop. Cos we didnt get a ticket, they wanted us to pay like 40 euros. WTH. i was trying to say it's my first time and i really didnt know, and i thought it was free. We didn't understand them and they didn't understand us. Lucky i had my tag card, cos its like concession. And my friend has the ticket from the tram which is valid for 1 hr. So we were both saved. Gosh.

Finally got back and i really felt like crying, wanted my mom so badly. But thank God i met sijie and friends tdy at school to help us a bit. I really thought i could do it alone, but apparently no i couldn't, i really need friends and family around me. Or should i just stick up with the Chinese peeps up 2 levels and include myself in them. At least i'll feel a little closer to home.

I dno, now im thinking, was this a wrong choice to begin with. Why on earth did i get myself into such an adventure. It's a bit too overwhelming, i kinda cant handle it. It might just be more nights filled with tears. Nights like these, i always wanted to find someone to talk to, but no one is really online at this time on the other side ):

Just remebered that i still have Big Daddy up there. Im not alone afterall. I miss church, i miss tuanqi, i miss choir. I miss SINGAPORE!

C'mon kat you're better than this, don't let the french bring you down yo! A pass is all you need! GO KAT GO!

Dear Father, i pray for strength and wisdom to carry on every single day. Amen!

A morning in London

2011-09-02T16:37:00.003+08:00

Havent blogged in a long while, and havent been doing my devotions either, but I just decided that i must do devotions today, and it reads a beautiful piece:

When I was a kid, I had a hero: Pete Maravich, a high-scoring basketball player who handled the ball like a magician.

Problem was, my desire to be like Pistol Pete blocked my satisfaction with who God made me to be. When I realized I could never play like Pete, I grew discouraged. I even quit my college team briefly because I couldn’t measure up to the Maravich standard.

Kids still do that kind of thing. They grow unhappy with who God made them to be because they measure themselves by their “perfect” heroes.

Christian singer Jonny Diaz recognized this and wrote a song called “More Beautiful You.” The song begins: “Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine; says she wants to look that way.” Some young girls wish they could be like Disney star Selena Gomez or another star the way I wanted to be like Maravich. Diaz sings, “There could never be a more beautiful you; don’t buy the
lies . . . ; you were made to fill a purpose that only you could do.” Diaz is saying what another songwriter said under the inspiration of God thousands of years ago: “[We are] fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14).

God made us the way He wants us to be. Believe it. There could never be a more beautiful you.

We are beautiful masterpieces designed by God.

Psalm 139: 1-14

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ You have searched me, LORD, and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
¹³ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

Reminds me of this song:

展开清晨的翅膀

主耶和华祢已经鉴察了我
我坐下我起来祢都已晓得
我行路我躺卧祢都细察
祢也深知我一切所行

我舌头上的话
祢没有一句不知道
祢在我前后环绕着我
按手在我身上

这样的奇妙是我不能测透
祢的至高祢的尊贵
是我永远不能所及

我可以往那里去躲避祢的灵
我可以往那里去逃可躲避祢的面
我若展开清晨的翅膀飞到地极
就在那里祢的双手也必引导我

Thank you Lord for the wonderful reminder to keep you as the centre of my life every single day.

Missing everybody back home in Sunny island, esp my mum
I love you mum!

The best remedy

2011-07-14T17:56:00.001+08:00

I guess the best remedy is to meet new people (:

3 weeks left.

empty

2011-07-01T02:10:00.003+08:00

i dont know if its a feeling of emptiness or what
i kinda dont exactly know how to describe it.

its the feeling when things around you change, ppl around you change, their priorities and what they used to hold on to dearly change, and suddenly you realise its no longer the same anymore, everything is different.

turn back 5 yrs, and you would have packed your schedule till late just to meet all your friends, but now its just family and nothing else. well im not saying family ain't impt, neither am i saying smth else shld take priority over family. my point being everything is just different now. i dont deny that im a lil sad and disappointed being unable to catch you, but i understand your POV. but somehow or rather i feel thats not just it. it feels a lil like you're trying to run away, to escape all the questions and stuff you know ppl are going to bombard you with. you just wna save the trouble and effort of catching up with friends, you just really wanna take a break and chill, and have me time and family time.

i always believe and have this hope that when everyone comes back, it'll all be good and we'll be back to the good o'days. and so i've always been awaiting for this day to come. but now come to think about it, is that really the case? little things around me tells me that it wont, things have changed and it will never be how it once used to be. some found new besties, some besties never survived. yeah so it kinda leaves me feeling empty cos there's nth for me to look forward to now, cos the day that i've always awaiting will never come. unless time proves me wrong in time to come, but for now, i dont hold on to that hope anymore.

i dont know, is it all part of growing up? or is it just that everyone else has moved on, while i'm still living in denial, living in neverland? or is it just that some friends i can count-on more than the others? for me so far, i havent had anyone whom i could depend my life on, someone who i know will always be there no matter what (okay maybe not 100% always, maybe at least 90%). well im nt saying i shld have, cos i dont think i've been an excellent friend myself either. but at least i dare say that i always do try, especially to ppl whom i really love and care about.

ppl do change, but have i myself not changed too?

爱

2011-06-23T23:41:00.003+08:00

爱一个人用心去爱有多难？
This sentence from some series just struck me, just as when i was feeling so horrible.

I noticed smth different in the way you look at her today. somehow it seems like theres a sparkle in your eyes. I dno, am i just being over-sensitive or thinking too much? But a girl's 6th sense is never wrong, as least mine is never wrong - it has never been wrong.

The 2 hrs was so unbearable today, totally. Everytime i turn to take a peek at you, i see you turning to take a peek at her.

My heart aches, my heart is shattered.
Every single action, every single expression, others many not know, others may not notice, but i'm definitely sure you know it, i'm sure you notice it too.
You're afraid of rejections, so am i, who isnt?
But this is not a gamble i'm willing to risk
I'm getting tired, guess there's still much for me to learn about unconditional love.

Here's the tricky part. It's not smth that i can control, It's not smth that i can stop.
A single smile from you, a single laughter from you, makes it all worthwhile.
I don't know whats wrong, but the feeling is just different, from a year ago or two.
Have you changed? Or have i changed? Or have we both changed?
I really dont know what to do
I cant help but to love you

爱一个人就真的只用心去爱这么简单吗？

5 years......?

2011-06-12T19:26:00.001+08:00

Why do I keep thinking and counting, as if planning for us to be together.

At times like this I always ask God if you are the one for me, or is he giving me a sign to say stop, you're not the rib that I came from.

5 years if not a long time, but neither is it short. Somehow or rather, i really don't mind waiting. If it's really you, no matter how long, I'll wait. Cos I realized, I really smile and laugh much more around you; but at the same time, not forgetting the tears and heartache that comes along with it. I don't believe in sunshine without rain; laughter without tears; and joy without sorrow.

I guess, as long as he doesn't find someone else, and nobody comes along for me, that shall be the answer.

Before you came, I dare not say I've ever LOVED anyone.

to YOU

2011-05-31T00:35:00.003+08:00

in the twinkling of an eye
its been 3 months
ever since i blogged pretty consistently
but little did i notice that
every single post for the past 3 mths
has been about you

陶喆 - 爱很简单

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你
有一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深爱上你
真的很简单
爱得地暗天黑都已无所谓
是是非非无法决择
没有后悔为爱日夜去跟随
那个疯狂的人是我
喔......

i love you
无法不爱你baby
说你也爱我
永远不愿意baby
失去你

不可能更快乐
只要能在一起
做什么都可以
虽然世界变个不停
用最真诚的心
让爱变得简单
我一直在这里baby
一直在爱你
永远都不放弃
这爱你的权利

如果你还有一些困惑
请贴着我的心倾听
听我说着爱你
yes i do

有时候爱就是这么很简单

The truth is......

2011-05-28T12:52:00.001+08:00

Charice - the truth is......

I almost said the words last night
I told myself the moment wasn’t right
No one wants to be the one who says it first
But I been keeping it inside
A secret for so long it hurts

The truth is
That I love you
And I need to know from you
If you love me too
The truth is
That I want you completely
So if you love me too
I need to know from you
What the truth is

Trying to look behind your eyes
I been trying to read between unspoken lines
We keep dancing round and we don’t know what’s real
Can’t let the music end before we can find
A way to say the things we feel

I thought I could just walk away
That you might be a passing flame
I told myself I wouldn’t care
If you weren’t there but

Simple short song that totally expresses what I feel.

And that is the truth.

Charming knight

2011-05-21T08:40:00.001+08:00

Why do you have to be so charming
that I no longer stare at myself in pictures; but you.

Why do I sense smth that someone knows but I don't.

This is the day that the Lord hath made; and I'm so glad He made YOU (:

2011-05-14T23:40:00.006+08:00

This is the day that the Lord hath made
And I'm so glad He made you
With each rising sun you are here by my side,
You are more than a dream come true

Oh, to have you, to hold you, to love you, to pray
To share with, to care with, to hold hands and say:

This is the day that the Lord hath made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice
I will rejoice with you

Oh, for better, for worse,
for rich or for poor
Each day that passes,
I love you more

Cause this is the day that the Lord hath made
And I will rejoice, I will rejoice
I will rejoice with you




Be it just chicken rice or milk tea,
I'm so glad that he made you (:

Summer love is here (:

2011-05-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hi love, you're back (:

Innocent, naive, crazy love

2011-05-06T15:45:00.001+08:00

Listening to a friend describe what a guy did for her makes me yearn for those old school times' puppy love and infatuation, the crazyness that love brings, which I'm too old for now.

But I still wld like to experience it.
It's just like experiencing first love before getting married and starting a family, else it'll be a regret of a lifetime.

This is my wish, this is my hope.

Happiness is...

2011-03-30T08:03:00.001+08:00

Happiness is just sitting down talking to you, listening to you, looking at you smile, hearing you laugh, watching your clumsy little moves, just to realize that I'm smiling deep down too (:

Rainbow after the rain

2011-03-23T12:13:00.001+08:00

You make me smile all over again (:

Just throw your phone away

2011-03-12T18:31:00.001+08:00

You don't answer my calls
You dont reply my SMS-es
What do you want

It just happened

2011-03-07T21:04:00.001+08:00

She tried recalling, but she really don't know when she started to fall for him

She needs to stop

2011-03-07T08:45:00.001+08:00

The whole crowd was cheering loudly for him as he walked out humbly, all eyes on him for the moment. And to him, she's prolly just one of them.

She's been feeling depressed lately. She's been thinking a lot abt him lately, so much so tht she's becoming obsessed with him. Thoughts abt him fill her mind every sec. She thinks he likes her. She's starting to notice him so much more. And because of that, it actually falls short of her expectations so much. She realised that he doesn't really care much abt her, he doesn't really treat her any much better than anyone else, he doesn't really look much at her, he doesn't really notice much abt her. Maybe he doesn't even like her afterall, it's just wishful thinking in her part. But she also realise how much she actually likes him. She realise how a simple action/word from him can easily make her so happy; how a simple smile or look from him can pull a wide smile across her face and make her feel total bliss.

But he's def a guy that pleases god, and def a guy who's desirable in many many other ways. He's the kind of charming young and talented man wanted and desired by many. Hence in order not to develop a disliking and hatred towards him cos she feels her feelings are unreciprocated; in order to continue to feel tht liking him is happiness; in order to continue to live in a delusion tht he likes her, she needs to stop all these obsessive thoughts abt him. She needs to take a step back and watch and not throw her whole self in like that.

She rmbs tht 'ppl might not love you the way you want them to, but it doesn't mean they're not loving you with all they have'

真爱是什么？
耐心等候不算人的错
完全的付出，完全的交托

Just tell her, ask her to wait and she will, it's gna be a long wait she know, but she promises she will.

Serenaded

2011-03-05T07:36:00.001+08:00

Strumming the guitar to the love songs,
Singing along with the chords,
Totally serenading and mesmerizing,
My heart melted instantly,
Couldn't bare to look at you,
To look you in the eyes,
For fear I can't take my eyes off you,
Cos tonight will be the night that I will fall for you,
Over again;

Falling.....

2011-03-02T20:02:00.001+08:00

my heart skips a beat with every strum of your guitar

the sweetest things in life

2010-07-30T04:42:00.002+08:00

the sweetest things in life for me i wld say...is being remembered and appreciated and knowing that. i always believe in expressing myself whenever i appreciate somethings or someone. cos if you really do, you have let the other party know, cos there's really no point in just keeping it to yourself. if you're really missing someone, just say it, if you're really grateful to someone, just say it. cos you may never know wht might happen, you may never have the chance to say it, or the other person may never have the chance to hear it/know it.

bestie msged me tdy, and her msg kinda caught me by surprise. cos it was kinda random, but its smth i've been waiting for, for a very long time. just as when i thought she's busy with all her stuff, she took the time to send me tht msg. i feel so loved, makes everything worthwhile. love you too bestie! i'm sure we'll go a long way down (:

and i love the way he msgs me once in a while to see how im doing and just to catch up, esp when life is just getting kinda dull & boring, and esp when im just abt to msg him too, his msg comes first and catches me by surprise. i love the fact tht we're still in contact and tht he rmbs stuff abt me, and stuff abt us. it feels like we've been friends forever. thou we never talk on the phone, we hardly meet, and dont sms like every single day, bt i know tht whenever i send a msg, he'll be on the other end to reply, it may not be instant, it may take a few hrs, bt i know tht he's always there.

and im so proud of myself tdy cos i made a cheesecake all by myself! thou its yet to be tasted and tested, and there were some screw ups here and there, bt it sure does look awesome. bt think i took bloody hell long, much longer than expected. crushing the oreo was damn hell tiring, and most time consuming. but the outcome was good. it was awesomely nice and everyone loved it! (or at least thts wht they told me) haha. im happy and satisfied (:

thks ml for accompanying me all the way from raffles to PS. you're really an awesome friend (:
thks cw for always sending me home! (:

can airplanes in the night sky
be like shooting stars?

Au Revoir Year 1. Bonjour Year 2!

2010-07-23T01:59:00.008+08:00

i dno where to start cos there's simply too much thoughts that i wanna pen down this very day. dont ask me why. bt smth just got me started thinking and reflecting about the past academic year.

Yes in a blink of an eye. Year 1 just zoomed past. thou it felt like 2 years cos of the 2 different sems, with different mods and different friends. but overall, i guess Year 1 was fruitful and peaceful. i rmb starting off the year joining camps with tiffany. Rovers, Union, Windsurf. Many friendships were forged, memorable ones. and despite a year later, we all came back together (well some of us) and joined the same camp, somehow memories just pulled us back together like instant super gule. but this time as seniors, as councillors. it sure felt very different being a freshie compared to a councillor. but nonetheless, the fun was definitely still there. bt i guess the fun element is kinda different, and the whole experience is just kinda different too. As a freshie, i think i enjoyed making new friends, meeting people from everywhere. But as a senior, its not that much abt making new friends, but more of just having the time of my life with the same grp of ppl, and really just going crazy. But of course i did make new friends too, esp my own UC OG councillors. initially i was so doubtful of the grp cos i didnt know the majority of them, and they were all from the same fac. but nah thts not the issue. i think they're really really nice ppl, awesome friends (:

somehow my closest grp of friends arent from arts. i wonder why. prolly not fated, no chemistry. sometimes trying too hard just backfires on you. bt im so glad i found jer. she's like my BFF in sem2, cos we take 3 mods tgt and having a dozen of common friends. she's superbly nice. love her ttm. thks for always being there for me and helping me out with my studies, mugging with me, and bitching tgt abt how life sucks and how screwed we are for the assignments/exams. im also glad i have my soc mates there. esp jiayu & minli. i really miss the times gg to stats with jy and getting lost tgt in the lect abt wht the lecturer was saying and not-paying attention tgt cos we're always playing with the iphone. then after stats, the soc peeps will always go to the atas toilet to change for trg. also miss the times talking abt how hot/cute our tutor is. thks for the encouragement to carry on by making things sound so easy whenever i felt im losing it. and to ml too, i've got your back and you've got mine. thks for always listening to me when im so sian of sch, and i miss those times waiting for A1 with you after trg cos all the rest take from the other bustop. and thks for sharing the love for french with me (:

sem 2 was a kinda crazy sem. i tried mugging hard, staying in sch till late to mug. esp jy, we can still mug tgt! and i was really sad when she couldnt make it to psych ): i was hoping to be psych buddies with her. hope jer will take french 2 and we can be BFF for the nxt sem again! feels damn sad to see this batch of soc seniors graduating. gna miss their crappy-ness, lame-ness, all the laughters, the bitching and the sit-down-and-lax-times. thks yinhong, yunxiu, xiaoyuen, thiviya, karen, dora, sarah, isty for everything. and thru them i've made some really awesome ex-soc peeps too like cj atiqah, nissa. really fun and funny bunch (:

and to windsurf. dno how i got myself into the comm, bt it was a wonderful and pleasant journey with yall. windsurf ppl are really lovely and nice ppl. its a very close grp of us. really, they're the ppl i'll nv wanna leave and forget. so i'll prolly still hang ard.....haha.

next is australia. the country i've always wanted to go since young to visit my uncle, bt i nv got to go till now. its really an awesome and beautiful country. i love the freedom and carefree-ness there. i love my uncle, i love my aunt, i love my cousins there, they're just lovely ppl. they're nth more i cld ask for. i admired the beauty of the scenaries in awe, and praised the lord for his amazing and magnificent creations. it was really just breath-taking. be it melbourne, sydney, brisbane, gold coast. i kinda enjoyed traveling alone, in those short 2-3 days in melbourne. just walking down the streets, roaming ard, nt really knowing where to head, bt just wanna explore every single part of it. its coupled with uncertainties and excitement. and i feel so proud of myself, i actually managed to find my way thru the place, thou i may have took longer cuts and walked extra miles at times, bt its all worth it when i reached the destination. i thank my mum for allowing me to venture out on my own, aka being in a new place, new country, new city alone. think this has more or less reassured her of my ability to take care of myself. cos many ppl were actually surprised that i stayed in melbourne for a couple of days on my own, surprised that my mum actually dared to leave me there alone. think it all begins with the willingness to let go, guess its just part-and-parcel of growing up. bt guess on my part, i shld call back or text back at least day & night to reassure mum that im safe, im cool. cos usually i just wait for her to call. think thts smth i have to change.

then nxt was TAIWAN! with my lovely 4h buddies. jt, wz, jh, tiff, sm. i apologise on my part that i didnt plan and contribute much cos i was kinda sian and tired of planning and stuff cos i did all tht for australia. so i had a bit of the cant-be-bothered attitude. plus the chinese in the web and stuff annoys me a whole lot. think we're a bunch that will go a long way, long long way. lets just keep our fingers crossed that it really does. cos i nv once failed to laugh my heart out every single day. and yeah i share sm's sentiments. i have nv laughed so hard in my life in a long long while. i pretty much forgot when was the last time i did. definitely not during sch term, i wonder if tht will ever happen. prolly in sec4? tht sounds kinda pathetic, but yeah. okay maybe i did. rather i shld change my choice of vocab. i have nv laughed so hard and carefreely in a long while, ever since J1. and i actually miss quite a lot of ppl, a lot of which i havent seen in a very long time, very very long time. but somehow, i think smth felt werid thru'out the trip. i cant exactly say wht it is cos i dno wht exactly it is in the first place. bt somehow, certain stuff just felt weird, and maybe awkward? i dno if theres anything gg at all, or am i just making these all up and hallucinating. there seems to be, bt no one wants to clarify, and so i just might as well act as if nth happened and just act blur abt it. yeah maybe i shld, cos sometimes ignorance is bliss. sometimes somethings are really better left the way it is, cos focusing on the details may spoil the pretty picture thts painted. we used to be gd friends, bt wht happened to it all now? i dont wna fool myself by pretending everything is okay. i know everything is not okay, and you know, we know it. bt we're just letting things stay the way it is, well you reckon its better this way? is it really better? c'mon im nt hoping for anything more, i just want things how it used to be.

REGRETS. have been having a lot of fun with camps and traveling. but i cant get over the 2 regrets: 1 being unable to go for windsurf camp, and 2 being unable to attend cheeps 21st birthday surprise ): seeing all the photos from windsurf camp, esp the comm photo, almost everyone is there, well at least its like the best attendance from comm ever. ugh. im sorry. i really wanted to be there. and cheeps was the church kaki since young. im really sorry i couldnt be there. sigh esp when all the other lovelies were there too. we havent been able to gather tgt like this in a long while cos ppl are always away. and this is the time where everyone is back. but yet i wasnt there. sigh. i guess, regrets are also part-and-parcel of growing up. and in life, we are bound to live with certain regrets which we will really hate ourselves for.

anw hols are coming to an end alr, thts really fast. im caught in btw which mods to take. esp btw dev and social. cos dev is really slack this sem, plus the timing is more norm. but social lect is good, plus many of my friends are taking it, but the timing sucks to ttm. think i managed to come up with a pretty decent timetable with dev, bt nt with social. ugh. how how how. and i really hope jer will take french 2 with me. thou i'll prolly still take it even if she doesnt. will be applying for sep this sem, prolly to france! so i really wna master french well, or at least better. guess i got complacent, A- was kinda uncalled for. i know i sound damn arrogant here, bt its just personal expectations. i really hope i can make it. FRANCE has been my dream country. i better start revising french. hope i'll survive stats 2, heard its pretty xiong, 3 tb and wht not. hope bio wont kill me either, its super content heavy, plus the fact that i've nv taken bio. ugh. okay kat shall survive year 2.

OG outing at rach's later. cant wait. rach is such a lovely girl. love her ttm. billy&deb wedding tmr. like finally, after 10yrs tgt, i feel really really happy and excited for them. truely bless them from the bottom of my heart, hope they live a blissful life filled with God's love and blessings (:

ciao~

in life, we lose some; we gain some
but there're some things i prefer not to lose;
and there're some things i NEVER want to lose

random thoughts

2010-06-06T01:09:00.002+08:00

the truth is disappointing;

but only the truth will set you free.

its time to love;

happiness is bliss

2009-12-28T00:28:00.002+08:00

the couple of christmas parties & thanksgiving...

24th: party w the aunties. played games like limbo, find-the-items, simple dance and musical chairs. and you have no idea how much the aunties & uncles enjoyed the games. it was just so hilarious thru'out. oh boy but i lost my cammy...obvious someone took it, but oh wells...ugh. sucks t live w/o a cammy. wht kinda cammy shld i get this time? semi-pro? but its really kinda bulky, as compared to the norm one. hmmm shall see how.

25th: church christmas service. congrats to those baptized (: the music was just amazing. simply lovely & wonderful. although i always hear my bro sing at home like more than 1001 times alr, bt did i realise his voice is really so nice (: any guy w tht voice is bound to melt my heart (: siyi & siya came over from bintan! so happy to see them, bt they forgot most of us alr! ):
then went for dinner, nice dinner (:

26th: children serice crew thanks-giving lunch. then caught 'alvin & the chipmunks 2'! man they're just way tooooooooo ADORABLE! (: 'all the singles ladies...all the singles ladies......' mega cute la. haha. then was soar + qicheng christmas party! it was sooo funny cos we actually made a impromptu skid! hahaha. then the 'nobody nobody but you...' forfeit was super hilarious i swear. i just cant stop laughing! try catching the vid on fb, think they uploaded it. LOLS.

27th: ice-skate + bowl + dinner the windsurfers! <3 hahaha. it was a fun and had a great time skating - havent skate in 123456789 years. nick is super pro la. still act noob. tsk tsk. poor chuanzhi sprained his ankle while learning! ouch...get well soon dude! and yes i see a blister developing too! ): bt it wasnt as bad as jeron's (OUCH). then bowling....havent bowl in a very long while too....bt i had starters luck! hahaha. and tht nick act noob again. LOLs. dinner at old airport road. gosh theres like a zillion food there and its mega huge! super crowded too. bt we're damn lucky to get a long table once we got there cos the table just finished (: and yay nick & xingxing drove! got a ride from nick to clem. so cool to have ppl to drive you ard aye! (: thks nick & xingxing! windsurfer are <3

tmr: gg to terry's to bake w soar! (:
tues: soc outing
bidding starts!
thurs 31st dec 2009: steamboat & jt's, soar meeting, thanksgiving, countdown! shit man, there's 3 countdown grps! sigh, i'll see where i'll go. have been counting down w church for the past 123456789 yrs, just feels weird not to countdown w them! haha. bt at the same time, i wld like some fun & excitement, some change. hmmm...think about it.

2jan RV big walk!
new tuition starts 4jan.
windsurf sg open 8,9,10 jan i think.

i miss dancing.

i miss huihui

i miss.....

i wanna go to all the
exotic and beautiful
islands and beaches
with love;

christmas is coming!

2009-12-24T12:15:00.002+08:00

okay grades are out:

PL1101E Intro to Psych: B-
NM1101E: Comm in new media: B
SW1101E: Social Work: B
EL 1101E: B+
GEM2507: B

Overall cap: 3.5

well its definitely not considered GOOD, but guess i should be contented. Failing mid-terms for psych and yet managed to pull off a B-, guessing 80% for SW MCQs and writing totally out of point for the essay and surprisingly getting a B, i swear its purely none other than God's grace (:
well but at least my hope to major in Psych in not in vain now. Is this an answer from God that yes psych is the path for me? hmmm it might be, but....i really dont know, but we'll see.
plus my hopes to go for SEP arent dashed too! i mean since they say min cap 3.5 and no mods below grade C, so yeah guess i'll just give it a shot no matter what. *fingers crossed*

slpover at simins was pure fun. i mean we didnt exactly do anything thts really fun, but yeah like she said its just the time spent together that matters. we became pro-FB stalkers, brilliant iphone-gamers, and did many stupid stuff that....yeah its just a girls thing. haha <3

windsurf internal race on wed. went on the speedboat to be camera-woman. and i have to say i feel soo mega proud of myself for taking such wonderful pro-like shots (: xing xing say i shld consider getting a DSLR or semi-pro like hers. hmmm....its actually a good invest, esp if i'll be gg overseas. and i got to really sit still and see wht pro-windsurfers really are-ppl like samuel, weizhong, jeron etc. they're really woah...damn zai man. see them go against the waves and winds just makes my jaw drop in awe. its really simply wonderful. im starting to love windsurf soo much. the sport and the people. i dno, but windsurf ppl are really nice ppl. i just feel happy ard them (:

but i do feel bad for missing so many soc trg. oops =x i shall be more consistent in trg in 2010 - 2010 resolution 1.

anw Christmas is tmr! a couple of parties these few days. eat eat eat. feels fat and piggy alr. oh man. but it's alright, Christmas is once a year, and its such a lovely season, season of LOVE & giving! (:

MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS! (:

it feels like;
love

SEM 1

2009-12-21T00:30:00.002+08:00

okay i've made a point to update my blog like today, finally

so just a brief summary of my uni life so far...
FASS
mods i took: EL1101E, SW1101E, NM1101E, PL1101E, GEM2507
talking abt mods, i better start planning sem2 timetable.
bidding starts 29 dec
abt finals, i swear i've nv ever studied so hard in my life before, nt even for As - says my bro. lol.
bt really, everyday i wake, study all the way till night. starbucks & macs has become my 2nd home, cos i cant study at home, its just way too comfy, conducive environment for slping, totally, plus no com no nth. how i wish i studied this hard for mid-terms. bt anyways its over.

sem break now, pretty busy ever since exams ended (ironically)

4-5dec: went for bintan mission trip. the pastor's 2 lil girls are so adorable. we packed rice, sugar, oil etc and distributed to the villagers. our last day was super exciting cos after doing all our stuff, the pastor wanted to bring us ard, bt it poured, so we changed our ferry timing to return home, and it was mega rush. cos we got back to the hotel ard 11, and the ferry timing was at 130, gotta check in by 1, then we still had to pack & gt lunch. so...it was such a experience

7-11dec: Sports exchange w soccer. interesting, fun, memorable. we were supposed to have 2 friendlies, with which they decided not to turn up on one of e days, and the other we only started at 12 when it was freaking hot. i dno if they're brainless or pure dumb, but yeah. the rest of the time were spent shopping and eating and cabbing and waiting for cabs. LOLs. packed lunch w/o cutlery -.- cabbies are just out to cheat our money. jiayu's niece is mega cute (: i got to know the team much more thru this, considering i wasnt in team for the previous comp, plus i wasnt v regular for trainings. so yup. bt yes i still do love the game. bt maybe i really wanna learn to know how to make decisions on wht to do on the field, cos im v dependent on taking cues from others, esp the other who're in the defence line w me.

15-17dec: windsurf camp. it was just wonderful. think i enjoyed this camp much more than the windsurf orientation camp in july. prolly cos i gt to surf more, as in cos i've acquired the skill alr, and managed to gt further out into the sea, plus im more involved in the whole camp itself, plus im closer to the ppl, thou i met many new ppl, and they're all nice ppl. i dno, bt windsurf ppl are just nice ppl and i feel really happy ard them (: yeah im starting to love windsurf (:

17-20dec: church camp. definitely enriching cos its kinda focused. gained much, learnt much. laughter, fun, joy were all present. 'Charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting' - the thing i rmb most.
i dno wht's God's plan for me, bt i pray tht it aint singlehood - thou it aint nth wrong. bt yeah its my dream to have a family of my own with kids! (:

and my uncle from aus came over; so is my iphone (:
he's like the best uncle in the world.

nxt up will have a few more gatherings.
i miss bestie badly ):

it's been a whlie that
i almost forgot the feeling
of falling in love;

its june baby;

2009-06-05T11:35:00.003+08:00

oh right im left with 25mins to half day off and yes i've decided to blog.

okay actually the past wk has been quite peaceful. caught monsters vs aliens on sat w tiff & friends. was a uber lame and dumb movie, bt we all had a good laugh. lols. okay i still wna catch night at the museum 2 and dance subaru!

just tht my 4 yr-old kid went overseas, till 18th, so 3days off no tuition a wk till then, which is quite a relief. finally have some time to breathe and 'take a stroll' in the park. LOLS. bt that also means less income for this month, bt with much more expenditure! cos oh retreat and all the other lil stuff here and there. yeah lots of stuff to prepare and make. and signing up for camps - they're NOT cheap okay.

okay so yeah taking half day off tdy to go bring sha out to celeb her belated birthday! woohoo! also gna reg for union camp! meeting wt too! havent gone out to literally PLAY for such a long while alr ever since....yup then it'll be stayover at winnie's new place! excited. hah. then precept bible study tmr morn, then tuition, then playmax trg. ohyes and im finally done with the board thing. well it isnt exactly fantastically nice with the wow-factor tht kind, cos i just totally have to idea at all how to make it and design it really nice and stuff (yeah i wonder where have all my creative juices gone to) but i still stayed up to finish it okay, so luckily tdy half day, if nt i'd be dozing off before lunch and aft lunch. HAHA.

and i really cant wait to end work! 1 more wk to retreat, then another wk more then im free! yay-ness! really really cant wait. i just wna start sch and be a student and learn stuff and all. then it'd be camps and spring cleaning my room. lols. and i cant believe it, its nearly half a yr gone for 2009, and i've worked for 6mths alr! 6mths has nv seemed to past so fast ever in my entire life. man...

you cant play on broken strings;
you cant feel anything;
that your heart dont want to feel;

FIREPROOF

2009-05-25T11:42:00.009+08:00

okay quick update abt the past wk:

friday caught angels & demons w zong and tiff at westmall cos im so bored and needed to get out. lols. well the movie was captivating and sure it had a nice twist towards the end, thou i think having a lil background abt the catholic history wld be so much more helpful and useful in understanding the story and the significance of some details here and there. in a sense tht im sure i wld have enjoyed the movie much more.

last sat was playmax dry run. hmmm kinda fell short of wht i expected, bt maybe cos not everything is up yet, and extreme max isnt up! bt i really enjoyed the err..the one played indoors like the mind games kind. forgot wht max is tht o.O but yeah i think its still worth the time. gna ask my friends along (: so guys if yall are interested, check this out: http://www.playmax.sg/. 12 & 13 june, SAC, 9-5pm. i'll prolly be gg on the 13th, saturday. so anyone interested just gimme a ring on my mobile or smth. then went church w the rest and joined in for screwtape. i personally find it interesting. and yes another reminder to me NOT to worry abt the future, which im alr constantly being reminded of thru -. - feels like a god sent guardian angel to constantly remind me of things which i should/ should not be doing. then rushed down SP for sports day! badminton then basketball. sure it was tiring but yes fulfilling, running ard like a kid again - like how i used to a few yrs back (:

last sunday had lunch with some deacons at american club. yes the food is marvellous. at first it felt like some very serious lunch or smth cos it was like smth kinda out of the blue - lunch for the A lvl grads with the deacons, sounds kinda scary right at the thought of it. plus no children under 12 are allowed into the dining area, plus no using of hp at the dining table. gosh! yes bt it turned out to be smth kinda informal la, just a casual talk over lunch kinda thing, with the deacons sharing their wise experiences and words of wisdom. maybe the motive was to like aid us in making decision of which course the take and like future prospects and how reality might be like probably cos we're the 1st ever largest batch of 19 yr-olds with so many A lvl grads? i dno. just my guess. then after dance went the esther's place for xue'er's farewell. yeah its really sad tht she's leaving cos she's one the teachers which i really had utmost respect for. and yes i've really learnt a lot from her, not really so much of the content and factual stuff, bt more of her attitude and love for god, her desire for god's words and her unswerving faith in God, which made me realise how inadequate and unequipped i am. well i dont dare to aim to be like her, bt i just want to know enough, to be be well-equipped enough to fend for my own religion. maybe i shld go read up on apologetics. but i believe she will be a blessing to the people there and be blessed in return just as much.

and the sat tht just passed, caught fireproof at DLCC. its a really good movie which clearly depicts how God changes lives. its abt how the power of love frm God changed the male lead and in turn salvaged a dying marriage. well many might say its just another movie, but really, just try it, experience it, and you know how wonderful the love of God is, and how miraculous HE is.
sometimes it just beats me, if only it happened to us, how different things wld have been now. this just further reminds me the imptance of finding a partner who loves the lord just as much, cos the basis and foundation of the relationship wld then be built upon God's love. sometimes you just cant deny it is a sign/reminder obvious enough frm God cos the sermon on sunday was on this very same topic. bt sometimes i just wonder, how do you know if it is ever god's plan for you to bring your partner before HIM? and your partner may accept christ lets say like just the last 10 yrs of his/her life since some ppl are just left for US to save. but we will nv know right, if we just shut all the non-believers outta our list of possible candidates. guess the most probable answer wld be only to pray and wait. hmmm guess i shld ask xue'er abt it before she leaves.

HC dance night after fireproof. met zong and jt before gg in, so we all sat tgt. rachew was there too. and thks peanuts for saving seats for us! (: think the dance was quite gd overall. i dno, bt im just easily amazed by the sheer abstract beauty of it, maybe cos i can nv dance like tht. maybe i cant say tht i know how to appreciate the art of it, but im sure i did enjoy the performance (: had a great time catching up with 'em at KAP. im sure these lovely ppl will be with me for the rest of my lives (:

had bu dao bu meeting on sunday. YES our very FIRST bu dao bu meeting. haha. cos we have bu dao hui in july, so better start planning early since its our very FIRST bu dao hui too! *excited* wna know wht you're in for? keep yourselves free on july 11, saturday, 3-6! hahaha (:

3 more wks to church retreat! yayness! then another wk aft tht to end of work! thou its not tht i have a contract or smth tht expires by july, just tht i intend to quit work by end june (: so in july i'll prolly be busy gg for camps, gg on trips with 2d/4h, PACKING my room (yes i promised my mon i'll pack it in july), clearing my table from A LEVEL stuff, YES A LEVELS, and packing my wardrobe - cos apparently its so cramp tht i cant put anymore clothes in, plus since i'll most prolly be revamping (well nt exaclty revamp) my wardrobe, bt gt new clothes ready for sch frm GSS! yeah so which means i'll have to throw old ones away, or those which i kp thinking and saying i'd wear cos it still looks decent so i cant bare to dump them, bt actually deep down inside i know i'll nv wear it ever again, so i dno why am i still kping those clothes for. or i'll nv find space to stuff my new clothes. haha.

so this wk's gna be the norm - work, tuition. then sat catching darwin movie abt evolution or smth. then sunday is GDOP - global day of prayer. yes which means i'll be missing dance ): okay bt yeah i chose to go for GDOP and chose to give dance a miss. i mean GDOP only once a yr mah, and since dance they decided to do recap + cleaning up nxt wk for the halo dance. so nt tht bad, bt maybe i just gotta prac on my own at home or smth lo.

oh the ham and sausages which my company ordered are gna be delivered tdy! yayness! its frm this wholesale factory which supplies to like cold storage and most of the renown hotels in singapore. yeah so quality is kinda guaranteed and its at a cheaper price! some cheaper by as much as like near 50% frm retail price at cold storage. check it out if you want: http://www.rudis.com.sg/customers.php. maybe jiateng you can go there buy since you live relatively near there. haha. if nt delivery charge of 20bucks aye! only waive if order above $200 excluding GST (YES theres GST)

okay so it seems the quick update aint really THAT quick afterall =x

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

You're on the phone with your girlfriend
shes upset.
Shes going off about something that you said
'Cuz she doesn't, get your humor like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
and she'll never know your story like i do

But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
been here all along so why can't you see, you
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better then that
Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

She wears high heels
I wear sneakers
Shes cheer captain and
I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me
Standing by and waiting at your back door
all this time how could you not know
Baby....
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh
I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And i know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me...

just hang around a lil while more;

Future MRT Lines

2009-05-14T13:01:00.002+08:00

I happen to come across this frm a friend's blog. So thts how our future MRT system is gna look like. The addition lines are the circle line, bukit timah line, downtown extension and eastern region line. I think its super cool luh, serious. Its gna be SO complex, bt its def gna bring much more convenience. Places like Bukit Timah, Marine Parade, Telok Blangah, Bras Basah and East Coast etc are no longer only accessible by bus and foot, MRT will be one of the alternatives.Well it may not really exactly be faster than taking the bus, but its def a good consideration, other than cab, if lets say you just missed your bus or its pouring so there might be a jam on the roads, so you know for sure you'd be able to avoid the traffic. I cant wait for the lines to be ready, esp the CIRCLE LINE! haha. its actually like more convenient for us cos no matter where we go, we still have to take a bus home frm clementi or change buses if we're frm anywhere else other than buses tht get to the mkt. yeah so nxt time prolly we can just take directly to west coast then walk home or smth. but im sure it'd be so much faster for us to gt to places like bishan, bukit timah and marina (: ppl are gna move all ard singapore much more frequent due to the sheer convenience and accessibility of it, which means more places in singapore can be further better developed and put into gd use without the fear of in accessibility or wht not. then theres also the north coast line which is under planning, but it sounds so exotic man, north coast line. haha. i'll make sure i'll sit thru all the stations and go to all the places at least once in my lifetime. hah.

YES I FINALLY FOUND MY HANDPHONE RADIO EARPHONES! (:

The Climb

2009-05-12T15:56:00.002+08:00

Miley Cyrus - The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
but No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most yeah
Just gotta keep going And I,
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on
Cause...

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an up-hill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Go check it out, its a really nice song (:

Tennis on sat was fun! It's been so long ever since i was under the sun, but sure it felt great (:
'Rushed' down to vivo to gt our movie tickets but all the 7+ and 8+ shows are in red (aka selling fast) so we checked with the counter abt the seats, all either first row, it nt are separated seats, so in the end we just got the 7pm tics - 1st row, as usual. haha. thts wht happens if you dont book and just decide to buy there on the spot. but its alright, the movie satisfied me. 'hey you ppl! those right at the last row! we were so much nearer to wolverine than you guys are okay!' LOL
X-Men origins: Wolverine. Its mega cool. I'd give it like 10/10. It's just really so cool la. you gotta watch it for yourself in order to know wht i mean.

Sunday was mothers' day! ehh nth really special thou =x treated her to 'guan ai' and lunch, then bro treated sakae dinner! wanted to get her some facial stuff, bt realised she got it on her own alr. and i realised a cake was missing this yr! no wonder it seemed kinda...empty. oh and our washing machine finally surrendered. previously it cld still drain the water, bt not spin, now it couldnt even drain the water. my mum had to squeeze dry the clothes and scoop out the water manually. ahhh its been hard on her ): so we finally got a new one! and it arrived ytd! haha. okay nth special abt the washing machine, its yt another norm washing machine. sorry no surprises. haha.

tdy shld be an early day for me again! if it doesnt rain anytime frm now till ike 630. cos it means my kid will be going swimming and so theres no tuition! so hopefully i can successfully and peacefully get home by 630. *fingers crossed* (and yes im sure i brought my keys tdy. hoho)
and theres red thread and fighting spiders! yayness (:

just as i thought 16may wld be so uber packed for me and i had it all planned out nice and well alr, suddenly everything is like cancelled, wht a disappointment. FASS open hse is called off and so is BBQ (whtever the reason is) sigh ): but think we'll be having sports day! haha (: oh and i received letter frm NTU tht they're gna have a tea session on 16may at some hotel or smth. still contemplating whether to go, dont really feel like gg thou, bt i just wanna hear wht they've gt to say abt the psych course. ugh.

and esther's finally gt acceptance frm UWA! sooo happy for her, she's been waiting so anxiously for it (i so totally know how tht feels okay) yup BUT im so sad tht she's gna leave in like july ): then it'll be no more esther till dec ): im really gna miss her so much. ahhh i cant imagine saturdays and sundays without esther! ): im just so so used to seeing her every wk. thou its only 1.5yrs, bt still, sigh. hey whts this man, i shld be feeling happy for her, she's going there for the better, and its nt like she's nv coming back. sigh gf might be gone soon too. everyone's leaving! ):
so maybe its time to start making smth. dont want it to be so last min and make crap in e end.

gf had her nus double degree interview tdy. hope it went well (:

hope chubby can endure the trg and pain of learning how to move gracefully presenting oneself elegantly. it aint gna be easy aye. and pls know your limits, dont think such sacrifice is worth it. i trust tht you know how to make good judgements and decision for yourself.

saw stubby on the way home ytd. was pleasantly surprised. i look at the time and just as i thought if i wld bump into stubby, i saw a very familiar backview and i knew it was stubby (:

the truth hurts;
a lie's worse

The show

2009-05-08T15:32:00.003+08:00

Lenka - The Show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

YES another 1.5hrs to end of the week! TGIF! phew (: called delivery in twice this wk - Macs on wed and 933 Golden Pillow today! first time trying tht golden pillow thingy. had curry fish and curry chicken bun. not bad. the curry is really quite nice. Anw this tuesday i went straight home after work! wow! thts like my very first time going home SO EARLY. serious. cos usually i have tuition, bt one was changed to monday and the other couldnt make it on tues, so yeah i cld finally go home early, rest and relax. BUT, guess wht? i was locked outta home till like 830pm! cos i forgot to bring my keys! goodness. and my mum is no where to be found and no way to be contacted (thou she has a phone, but i called like 20 times and she didnt answer, she really shld just throw her phone away) wtp. my only early day home and it had to end up like tht. okay its actually my own fault. like who ask me to forget to bring my keys right. bleah =x

and yes i got up to watch manutd-arsenal leg 2! at first i thought i missed it cos i thought it was tuesday morn cos its 5may but i totally forgot abt it. bt i checked the score it isnt updated yet, so it couldnt be over. then i checked starhub and realised its actually wed morn! so yayness (: im just so amazed at my own determination to actually really wake up to watch some match the past couple of times - which i nv ever seem to possess the past 12 yrs of schooling to wake up and study for exams or to complete my work. LOLS. anw yes manutd won - AS USUAL. 3-1 by park, and 2 frm CR. woohoo (: 2nd goal by CR was a direct free kick. super cool. haha. then 3rd goal by CR assisted by WR was really a more than typical textbook strategy - as commented by the commentator. haha. you really gotta watch it for yourself to know wht i mean. haha. well thou thts the simplest strategy of all, it got them their goal. yeah so sometimes simplicity is beauty (:

anw barcelona thru to finals.
the showdown: 27may (:

tubby msged me. tubby nv took the initiative to, bt tubby did recently (:
chubby told me a secret told to no one else. im happy chubby chose to tell me (:
chubby called after a very impt meeting with an irritating lady and a china man at some faraway land; chubby is relieved its over (:

FASS HAS DECIDED TO CANCEL THEIR OPEN HSE ON 16MAY! oh im sooo sad ): cos i was like all so hyped up for it alr. planned nicely for tht day alr la ): cos they wanted to take extra precautions against H1N1 since when SG has decided to drop its hospitals to the yellow zone. sigh. wht to do wht to do. i'll find my own way to get info tht i need. ugh.

stubby's gna gt a v impt letter tdy. hope stubby gets it. stubby wld be elated, so wld i (:

scanned my lappy the day before, it took so damn long, left it on thruout the night. bt yes its finally done by the nxt morn. hope my lappy feels better now, so tht i'll feel better too, and stop sending weird msg to my friends thru msn when im nt even online and my lappy's nt even on and maybe im aslp -.-

tuition ltr, then prayer meeting
oh and some of my churchies are coming to stayover ltr! whee! to watch cats. bt i dont care im gna catch my survivor first okay! then tennis tgt tmr! yay! and catching movie tgt tmr after tuanqi! so happy, fun bun (:

im gna write you a letter;

almost decided

2009-05-04T12:25:00.005+08:00

didnt managed to update tht i got NUS letter the next day aft i got NTU's. so yup FASS offered. it came in a package, with all the upcoming camps available. and yes its just SO happening. actually guess my heart was long with NUS alr due to proximity. but i didnt want tht factor to you know like affect my decision of which uni is actually better matter-of-factly for wht i wanna take. the most vital part is tht NTU offer direct honours while NUS dont. well there're def pros and cons. i was talking to a friend then she was saying yes NTU offers direct honours, bt whts the point of taking the honours and wasting one year if you're really not up to it. then you'll end up with wht 3rd class or 2nd lower class honours - which is totally useless. might as well just get a degree, work for 2 yrs or so, then continue to pursue a masters, which wld be so much more wise. so i was thinking yeah thts very true. so if i really want an honours, gotta make sure i study real hard and earn it, make myself a worthy candidate for it. plus NUS sch life seems so much more fun la. and yes its so near! haha. my principle still stands back frm 2 yrs ago - if i shld stay in SA or move on to AC. i didnt want the distance and travelling to be a burden for myself and be complaining and everything and just hate myself cos i made tht decision. i dont wanna regret making those choices. yeah so it still stands. and yes NUS has the LPP! so guess i shld work hard during yr1 and apply to take a 2nd maj in 2nd yr or smth (:

thank you lord (:

anw so yeah labour day was spring cleaning day at church! omg the room A and the children's cupboard has sooooooooo many stuff. i aint gd at spring cleaning cos im nt throw-away person. im a person who keeps keeps keeps as long as they seem to be in working condition, bt will i ever use it, or gt to use it i dno. unlike auntie elsa everything just throw throw and throw. thts how our clearing was done so swiftly. lols. and the eng con has just too much stuff which they didnt even know existed cos they just kept it there forever. some presents were still nicely wrapped, and whts it inside no one knows. and theres like boxes and boxes of books, reading & teaching materials, stationery, T-shirts and wht not. stuff which you nv imagined there wld be. so much of those lil things that we can actually start a garage sale. im serious! lol. then lunch at keppel club - peranakan food! its super nice! (: then haagen dazs at vivo. woohoo! haha. wht satisfaction. lols. but i finally knew the meaning of labour day.

sat morn was supposed to tennis w hui and mirah at montery. bt apparently hui realised she forgot to book the courts when we're there! and yeah there was a boy having trg. so sigh. nvm we chill out at her hse, talked a bit and mirah started a birthday party idea for both of them. and im supposed to like help them design their invites! so cool right. haha. then cabbed to tuition cos i was so lazy to travel and was getting late. then tuanqi was sharing by xue er abt missionary. it was a very interesting and thought provoking and close-to-heart sharing. it kinda spoke to me, got me thinking. i just admired the way she handles herself, her life, all in accordance to God's words, the kind of intimacy she has w God. its just amazing. she's a source of inspiration and motivation. yeah she's leaving for thai to be a missionary on 7june. gna miss her. but i sincerely wish her all the best in her future endeavours and may God be with the couple always. yes our God always provides (: then 4h dinner at glasshse, then timbre. yeah miss jt much much and he slimmed down sooo much. think his mum see him like tht confirm heart pain lo. he said he lost 6kg, bt still wants to go on a diet -.- seriously. army will fix you into good shape man dont worry.

and our journey to timbre was much worse than the other time which i lead okay! thks to tht chicken. lols. cos at first we didnt know the one at boatquay was actually e one which he said at cityhall. so we mrt frm dhoby to cityhall. then he say it was the one near smu so we cld have actually walked frm dhoby -.- okay then as we walked he said it was art house which is the one at boat quay! goodness! ugh. we cld have took at bus frm ps or smth la. oh wells. hen is just hen. haha. then cabbed home cos gf joined us so tht makes 3 a cab. wld have cost ard the same w night rider then cab. anw many of them have uni offers and all super good one lo pls. like wt offered nus double degree chem eng & economics, then hen offered ntu double degree biz & accounting. goodness man. both of them confirm earn big bucks nxt time lo. then jt offered ntu enviro eng. and zong has interview for ntu biz, so he went to buy clothes for it. LOLS! had a great time catching up. haha. funny stuff.

then sun met up with 2d lovelies. i miss them so much man. its been soooo long since i last met up w them. cos the previous one erhem forgot to msg me abt it cos she wanted to msg me sep w some other stuff. lols. bt its okay i still love her. haha. sha has ntu accounting. had fun catching up w them too. esp abt all the uni stuff etc cos we're all gg thru e same thing now. so yeah. hey we shld go holiday at some msia island tgt aye! it'd be fun! wheee~ haha. bt couldnt stay long ): cos had dance at 4. and i was so sad cos i couldnt do pirouette! ): i couldnt turn and land properly. sigh. its just so hard. okay nvm jt say he'll teach me when he's out. then went shangri-la hotel for international buffet with erm my uncle's friend and the friend's cousin - who's jen's cell mate, so jen was invited too. haha wht a weird combi right. dont even know how my uncle manage to know abt jen in the first place. lols. well the food's great. and theres just freaking so much things to eat! goodness. yeah my stomach was on the verge of bursting like how a balloon burst if its overstretched by the incoming air. bt it was satisfying and fulfilling. DEFINITELY. haha.

work starts again today for the week, and the month. gosh. another month of 20 working days to go. sigh. and guess theres no public hols tht fall on weekdays other than the labour day tht was just over. neither am i going anywhere to play which requires me to take leave ): i mean of cos i can always take leave to like rest at home whenever i want, okay the point is tht no one is asking me out or to go anywhere ): okay nvm maybe i shall be really good and responsible this may and work the full 20 days and tuition diligently - looking on the fact tht i missed so much the past few months cos i had running ard, flying ard playing and enjoying life. hoho. and im gna miss 1 wk in june too cos of church retreat, gna miss 1 wk of tuition cos tutee is gg shanghai (SHANGHAI?! dno if its gna cancel or wht now), and my 4yr old kid is flying hk&china in june frm 3-18(eh also dno if its still on, bt prolly yes) so yea will be missing quite a lot of lessons. so i shall try to pack more in may!

cant wait for weekends! cos now my weekends are always packed with interesting stuff (:
9 may:
-maybe tennis on sat
-movie aft tuanqi. whee~
16 may:
-dry run for playmax
-fass open hse
-tuanqi BBQ!
23 may:
-trg for playmax
-movie sharing!
30may:
-movie abt darwin evolution theory

okay i realised its actually all the tuanqi stuff tht i've been looking forward to every single wk. yeah it really helps to ease the emptiness and mundane-ness and routine-ness in work life aye. cos it makes you work hard and anticipate weekends! in short it makes the 5-working days easier to pass and endure. okay i know im making my job sound as if its a horrible monster, it actually aint tht bad la okay, but desk-bound jobs just bores me to the core in general and my brains are like degenerating and my body is like rotting in the chair with fats growing out tht sticks to it. LOLS! haha. anw theres man utd-arsenal 2nd leg tmr morn! i shall follow-up (:

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Yes I can feel your Halo (:

prayers answered (:

2009-04-29T11:56:00.002+08:00

yes my prayers are finally answered!

i have been checking my letter box these few days, but disappointment has been knocking on my door. but ytd guess i was rushing home to catch fighting spiders, so think i just forgot all abt it. then my bro came home (cos usually he'll be the one taking all the letters) and said, kat you've gt mail! your long awaited letter. my eyes lit up then i joked and said ltr they send letter to say 'we regret to inform you....' haha. actually the anxiety wasnt really there cos i was watching teevee luh! lol. so i just open and i saw PSYCHOLOGY in bold. i was super happy lemme tell you. you dno how happy i was. words just cant describe tht feeling. hahaha. and there isnt any interview or test or whatsoever. hoho! then thru the night i just kept smiling to myself, literally. LOLS. my mum kept teasing me cos she knew how anxious i was and say wah finally gt uni wanna accept you alr uh, happy right. haha.

bt really, its god's grace and provision. cos i really have no idea wht are the odds of me getting my 1st choice as cut off for NTU psy was like BBB/B. im no where near confident. i knew my grades arent deserving of the course, bt god still granted my wish (: so praise the lord! im still waiting for NUS thou. and if they offer FASS, i really dno wht to choose. cos NTU offers direct honours, bt NUS will only offer honours if you're a worthy recepient. bt NUS is like how freaking near my hse man, just cant wait to enjoy the CONVENIENCE of it, seriously. and NTU is like so bloody far. ugh. we'll see how it goes aye. and i got to know tht a teacher's starting pay is damn good aye. like 3300 for degree holders, 4000 for honours. gosh! cos SG needa 7200 teachers currently. so tempted to pursue a teacher's career now! haha. nah, i'll see if God grants me the passion to do so. Teaching really requires passion to teach aye, if nt life wlf be hell everyday. how abt psychiatrist? bt think tht needa take doctorate or smth in order to prescribe. or who knows i might end up as a SALES or event planner or project manager? haha. interesting aye.

anw yeah the swine flu thing is becoming a big issue. as big as or might be even bigger then bird flu. cos swine flu originated frm pigs, bt its just a mutated form of flu. bt it seems more hazardous than avian flu cos swine flu spreads quickly frm human to human, thou it might be contracted by eating pork itself. the fact tht it spreads across the whole globe, frm mexico all the way to new zealand alr, shows how serious the situation is. up frm 80+ deaths to 150+ alr in mexico, and europe and asia have already been infected. heard frm my company sales tht SG might be infected too. theres 2 undergoing investigation, might be, bt nt confirmed. so guess it aint reported yet, cos they dont wanna alert the public first in any case its a false alarm, cos speculations can have serious consequences. then the sales boss also tell them if nth urgent, try not to come into the office, cos the sales go to hospitals frequently to meet customers and prof and stuff. yeah so you nv know who's infected alr. then the females sales was also saying tht she's gna santize herself, wash her hair, bathe, change and everything before she goes home and carry her baby. and her clothes must be washed immediately, no more soaking. then needa start buying masks and etc. sounds v kaisu and kiasi, but she's just doing everything to ensure theres no room for any risks, esp for her kid and her baby.

cos the avian flu really took a lot of lives. yeah so once bitten twice shy. had gone thru e experience of it, everyone is really sticking out their butts and being very wary of it. everyone now has a better idea of wht to do, how to prevent from being at risk of exposure to the flu and stuff. so maybe the avian flu was like a prelude for us to all these aye?

and yay i got my pay check tdy! bt the money will prolly be in only by mon -.- brrr i hate this.
anw gna catch manutd-arsenal tmr morn!
and tmr is the last work day for the week! yay! cant wait (: cos im gg bonkers facing all these numbers =s ) and im finally learning to appreciate wht labour day really means. hoho.
dinner with 4h lovelies on sat. and maybe playing tennis w dear in the morn. woohoo!

It's never too late;
as long as you stay

plan B

2009-04-23T13:00:00.002+08:00

just yesterday my mum told me tht in saturday's papers they said getting into fass this yr is very competitive cos courses like banking and finance, commerce has cut their student intake hence their nxt best option wld be fass-economics, or...smth else. i dno. i nv ever actually considered the possibility of me nt being able to get into a local uni. bt as time goes by, this possibility is getting more and more realistic. so yeah now im actually thinking abt my plan B. i wld really want to go ahead and pursue my AVIATION MGMT at aus or smth. money wise i have no idea. i'll think abt it then. i'll find a way, somehow.

anw, my all time fave:

Aslyn - That's when i love you

When you have to look away
When you don't have much to say
That's when I love you
I love you
Just that way

To hear you stumble when you speak
or see you walk with two left feet
That's when I love you
I love you endlessly

And when you're mad cause you lost a game
Forget im waiting in the rain
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Cause here's my promise made tonight
You can count on me for life
Cause that's when I love you
When nothing you do could change my mind
The more I learn the more I love
The more my heart can't get enough
That's when I love you
When I love you no matter what

So when you turn to hide your eyes
Cause the movie, it made you cry
That's when I love you
I love you a little more each time

And when you can't quite match your clothes
Or when you laugh at your own jokes
That's when I love you
I love you more than you know

And when you forget that we had a date
Or that look that you give when you show up late
Baby I love you
I love you anyway

Reminds me of phuong...and many other lil stuff...
meeting gf ltr aft tuition. like finally (:

we were only lil kids back then;

i miss math and science! ):

2009-04-21T12:16:00.004+08:00

ahh im so pissed with the mgmt, so they've decided to block out my one and only hope and source of entertainment left - youtube! ): cos tdy my usual lunch buddies went to jp to gt food for comm session ltr, and due to space constraints of a car, i stayed in and was getting kinda bored and thought i could watch survivor cos the last epi i fell aslp of all at the last part - tribal counsel. so i didnt know who gt voted out! bleah. yeah and now they blocked it. sucks man, maybe nxt time i shld bring my own lappy too, just like the IT guy ( i saw him watching youtube like just an hour ago, brrrr!)

okay yes so here i've decided to blog. sigh. the other day i was looking at my colleague doing experiments/testings for our products. it was to see if our products' tubing wld break or leak or smth when immersed in hot water. then she repeated the exp for different batches of products. its then i realise how much i miss science, how much im gna miss science if i gt in fass. its gna be like bye bye science forever. i chose fass definitely nt cos i hated sci, or cos i realised sci is not my cup of tea aft 18 yrs, but merely cos i was MORE interested in people. so im nt gna die if i gt in enginerring instead of fass. im fine with science, in fact i like science. i mean i find it very interesting, knowing abt everything else ard you, how it works and stuff. but guess my interest lies on the surface only, dont think i can cope with too much depth and details and stuff. yeah im gna miss PHYSICS and CHEMISTRY - organic chem, metals, ionic equilibrium, mol, reactions, kinetics etc and dynamics, forces, waves, SHM, G/E-fields, quantum, lasers (i rmb how much pain it took me to really understand quantum); non-stop naggings frm K and countless practice ws and tests to drill us; the fear of DK cos he's rumoured to be one of the fiercest phy tutors ard, bt aft 1st yr, we cant really be bothered with them anymore and he wasnt tht fierce with us anymore. haha i cant believe i actually doze off during many of his tuts.

and just the other day zm asked me some summation qns and i feel so sad tht i cant really rmb how to do them anymore ): yeah i miss doing math too, smth i used to be so gd at once (well nt tht gd in JC, bt in sec sch) - all the partial fractions, APGP, MI, graphs, inequalities, vectors, complex, stats, maclaurin's, GC etc etc. yeah and i actually kinda forgot how to use my GC alr =x math and science is just smth im so familiar with all my 18 yrs. like when it comes to hw, i always prefer to do math and science rather than gp and econs. prolly cos math is science is smth tangible like proving and theres always a fixed answer or concept to it. while gp and econs is just so open-ended, there isnt a specific right/wrong. maybe thts why its ever so hard to grasp and define.

anw gf has passed the 1st evaluation for her EHL hotel school! selection test in 2 wks. damn happy for her, think its gna be switz for her man baby! damn, she's nt even leaving yet bt im alr starting to think how much im gna miss her. cos its gna be wht 5 yrs? hope she comes back every summer. ahhh...maybe i shld start preparing her farewell gift. haha. well, 6 yrs and counting.. <3

Without love
Life is like the seasons with No summer;
Without love
Life is rock 'n' roll without A drummer;
Without love
Life is like a beat that you can't follow;
Wihout love
Life is like a prom that won't invite us;
Without love
Life's getting my big break and laryngitis;
Without love
Life's a '45' when you can't buy it

Like a week that's only mondays
Only ice cream never sundaes
Like a circle with no center
Like a door marked "do not enter!"

beautiful imperfection;

man utd in the semis!

2009-04-17T08:07:00.003+08:00

haha yes i couldnt believe i actually stayed up to watch soc ytd the day before. i must be outta my mind or smth. lols. cos my bro's friends came over to watch soc. so i was thinking how rare it is tht there's someone to watch soc with. surprisingly i wasnt really THAT tired, must be tully's. bt it aint tht bad, its actually quite nice aye. met sm for dinner before tht. initially at wcp, bt ended up at hawker cos we didnt know wht to eat. and the guy at tully's counter serving us was so funny la. haha. then came over to dwl smth prog cos her lap cant. bt she was so pek cek with my lap cos it was so fringging S-L-O-W. yea its time to get a new one!

anw back to soc. we were supposed to watch it tgt la, bt ended up only me and one of his friends watched -.- but nvm im still happy cos man utd won! and its CR who scored! such a beautiful shot. woohoo (: bt i think van der sar is really like the best goalie in the world man, he's just superb. man utd FTW! anw i felt kinda bad cos guess his friend wanted to watch the arsenal match cos he's arsenal fan. oops. nvm. we can watch the nxt match tgt - man utd & arsenal. ahh i kinda miss talking abt man utd with jtoh. hah.

tht acccounts for me falling aslp at work ytd =x oops. haha. i was so fed up with my kid ytd cos he's been giving me some shit attitude. can see tht he's tired. but hey im freaking tired too la can. and i still came. i cld have just called and said im nt feeling well or smth, bt i still went okay (well thou its nt like he wants to have tuition) bt his exams are coming and i gotta complete the syllabus by ytd and start revision nxt lesson onwards. compo also anyhow do, ask him read also dont wanna read properly, his heart's just not there la. so i had such a hard time explaining stuff to him man.

anw think this song is really sweet:

Atlantic Star - Always

Girl you are to me all that a woman should be
And I dedicate my life to you always.
A love like yours is rare
It must have been sent from up above
And I know you'll stay this way, for always.

And we both know that our love will grow
And forever it will be, you and me. (yeah)
Ooh you're like the sun, chasing all of the rain away.
When you come around you bring brighter days.
You're the perfect one, for me and you forever will be.
And I will love you so, for always.

Come with me my sweet, let's go make a family.
They will bring us joy, for always.
Oh boy I love you so, I can't find enough ways to let you know,
But you can be sure I'm yours, for always.

shit man im starting to worry abt my uni app. cos most of my friends have gotten their letters of acceptance/ notification of tests & interviews and stuff alr. like tiffy's gg for her dentistry interview & test. so is simin, for her architecture. wq got in ntu acct, congrats yo. but i still didnt receive anything! ): wht if i cant get into any uni? shucks. god bless me man =x

let's kick some balls;
i need some intensive training

imperfections made perfect (:

2009-04-15T12:27:00.008+08:00

yup its lunch break now and im done eating (:

my colleague's mp4 player is on loudspeaker and there's the song 'without you' by air supply.
and i smiled to myself as scenes of anyi, ping ping, jason and friends over at mae sa long mission trip singing ''can lee...if libulibudoubt you" came flashing across my mind. LOLS! yea its frm american idol or smth, some bulgarian singer or smth like tht. its supposed to be " cant live, if living is without you" HAHA! miss those good old days spent in mae sa long with the crazy bunch, crapping, laughing, singing, spilling our hearts out, fighting against the wind on the pickup truck, bathing in super cold water, playing with oreo (the black and white puppy), eating full 3 meals a day with super nice veg, strawberry and banana pocky-ing, honey lemon green-teaing, cementing, bricking, digging shit hole, tieing metal rods tgt with the nail, playing with all the lil kids at home and at sch etc...

anw, got this frm tiffy's:

'its funny how when we were still skipping to primary school with our cartoon printed backpacks we envied the lives of adults and hoped to grow up faster.maybe simply because they have more freedom, to do whatever they desire.

however, when we finally got a taste of adult hood, we realised such freedom actually comes with heavy responsibilities.it isnt just about going to sch, studying, making new friends, having the latest gadgets and at the end of the day, returning home to a table of your favourite food for dinner.it is about HOW to get all those things that you used to take for granted, which you conveniently just had to ask your parents for and they simply GAVE it to you.now you have to EARN it.'

this is so thought provoking and sentimental. i agree, i totally agree. i guess the most basic principle of human its tht we're just nv contented or happy with wht we have at present. and as humans, we often like to look back - 'if only i had done this...', 'if only i had chosen...' etc, a whole lot more 'if onlys'. well you cant say tht its smth bad tht we must change, or we must do smth to counter this problem. or rather you cant really define it as a problem in the first place, its a phenomenom emerged frm human nature. so its basically just inevitable. only thing we can do is how to deal with it, how to react alongside it for the better of mankind, so tht it doesnt hinder our growth. and yes now we have to EARN for things which were once so easily given to us, WORRY abt things which we nv had to worry abt, and LEARN things which can nv be taught bt only to experience it ourselves. and wht are all these for? to prepare us for adulthood as we'll all grow to become like our parents one day.

i dont wanna grow up, bt to say the truth, i cant wait to go back to school to study again. im serious. haha. if nt my brain will just rot away in time to come. i want some new knowledge, new insights, new experiences, new people, new friends, new environment, new responsibilities and new life. learning is fun, its just the exam part tht sucks. but we all go thru it, so whts e big deal?

think im gna continue with street jazz 2 (: okay i better call them ltr. then after this i'll prolly take up french in june. im so excited to learn french again. french is love man <3

i think 'fighting spiders' is nice, its a very old school feeling, it makes me laugh a lot. Esp charlie is super cute cos he's just so chubby! still rmb him being xiao hu lu in some chi drama - think its double happiness or the one abt fishball business or smth, cant rmb.

and my boss just offered me a delifrance kiwi fruit tart! goodness, its heaven man (: i love its fruit tarts, esp its crust! its just MEGA nice (: bt its been such a long time ever since i last ate delifrance fruit tarts. i love the peach tarts the most. bt somehow i just stopped eating them, prolly cos i dont live near any delifrance! and its price increased! ): okay i shall be determined to buy one the very nxt time i pass by a delifrance! hoho!

and i happen to see this on tv ytd. its at a wake, the wife was saying a few words abt her husband who died. so she started by talking abt things tht happened in bed - his snoring tht sounds like starting a car engine; and his fart, tht sounds like a dog barking. LOLS! then she said: 'but it's all these little imperfections tht made him perfect for me'. and tht sentence immediately struck me like a thunder bolt, somehow. its such a sweet and lovely but yet honest thing to say.

i rmb i used to hear abt fighting for your one true love bla bla bla etc and stuff like tht. bt as i grow older, i come to a realisation and acceptance tht lovers in love mutually may not really be meant for each other. cos of every other and any other reason you cld think of due to the given circumstances and consequences. sometimes, we'll nv know why, bt we just have to accept it, or rather, we will just accept it as time goes. then you think to yourself, then, whts the whole point? aiya, i no longer know wht im thinking. haha. its just messy and confusing. so i shall just leave this hanging here then. heh =x

i feel so stupid
smiling at myself all the time
whenever i think of you

wht wld you do if you're rejected
cos he/she fell for your best friend?

truth hurts; but a lie's worse

2009-04-14T11:00:00.003+08:00

yes im finally back at work after a long break in hk (well 10 days is considered relatively long) haha.shopped a lot, ate a lot, met up with many of my relatives - both paternal and maternal side. and yes i experienced the excitement of going to the airport, checking in, taking the plane and taking the bus to my uncle's place all alone! in addition to that, i was desperately looking for an atm to pay my uni app fees! oh and i met jian at the airport! haha. well the weather is pretty cooling-cold the first few days - like the aircon is blowing at you 24/7. LOLS

30th: touchdown
31st: shopping alone cos everyone is at work. but 6th uncle met me during his lunch hour. i finally got my external hard disk! 320gb. my uncle is really so nice to get it for me (: cos my music and photos is occupying near all of my lappy's memory, which is making it run damn slow (thou i also think its time to change cos its a lousy free lappy passed down frm my bro, so tht makes it like 4-5 yrs old alr? yeah and i think i'll be getting one with the uni (: cant wait!). shopped at lai chi kok and i bought LOTS of clothes. wanted to buy more, bt think i gotta save some for the rest of the days. lols. there's seriously too much stuff to see and buy. i got kinda tired and restless and decided to go home. can you imagine? goodness.

1st: nora brought me ard. had steamboat for dinner.
2nd: big uncle and auntie jane brought me ard sham sui po. mum came at night! (:
3rd: nora brought us to another island to see the 'noah's ark' with the exact dimensions mentioned in the bible, but we realised it isnt open to public YET -.- so we went to the eco-park beside it. it's quite nice actually. the whole theme is like based on love, cos the owner of it is a christian, so like the whole park design and deco is very much love-based. it's really beautiful. and there were a few couples having their wedding photoshoot over there (:
4th: had lunch with both big and 6th uncle
5th: had lunch with 2nd paternal aunt, bro came at night and dinner with big aunt

6th: big and 2nd aunt brought us to macau! its a real dazzling place with all the bright and colourful lights of the casinos - they are everywhere, literally. went to a few famous ones, like the venetian and stanely ho's both new and old casino - lisboa, which are side by side just across the road. but its really really really nice, esp at night. And in the venetian mall its just a replica of the venetian city, the buildings, the river, the boat and they even painted the fake sky on the ceiling. its really cool luh, seriously. i was quite amused and amazed. haha. we also went to the very famous ruins of the St. Paul's Cathedral. Many architecture is european style and everything had portugese translation, even shop names and stuff. had portugese cuisine for dinner and bought lots of egg rolls and almond biscuit from this famous brand which has shops everywhere in macau. the egg rolls with seaweed and ba-hu is just heavenly. woohoo! haha

7th: went to make my adult HK ID. luckily my mum booked appt online if nt needa queue with all the maids eh which was pretty long. we were done in like 15-20mins? hah. then walked ard again, then met my 7th and 8th paternal uncle for lunch. mum left halfway cos she flying back sg tht night. then went to 7th uncle's hse to sit for a while and visit our lil cousins - 9 & 12. they're so cute- esp the lil boy, he has pretty pretty eyes! (: then met nora again, she brought us to the peak, it was freezing cold up there. we walked further up and it was super dark. certain parts you couldnt see anything at all, not even your hands! but the bird's eye view frm the top made all the walk and cold worthwhile (: went spaghetti hse for dinner. it was mega delicious (:

8th: lunch with both uncles. big uncle brought us to see some comp stuff and got us an 8gb thumbdrive each and a 8gb SD card. then it was off to airport back to sg. the freaking flight was like half hr delayed. wth. bt i spent my time observing the family sitting beside us. it was this family of 5 - mum, dad, 3 kids. i was amazed how they managed to bring their whole family on a vacation, esp with 3 kids. yes THREE. and they're very young kids. prolly below 7 for the 2 older ones since they're not in sch. and the other is only a toddler, prolly only 1-2 years old? cos the mum is carrying him in the seat. then the dad was sitting in the middle w his other 2 sons beside him on the left lane of seats. so the mum was feeding the milk bottle, after which the toddler slept. bt he wld wake up and cry every now and then cos he cant find a comfy position to slp in. then the mum wld carry him and walk a bit to pat him to slp. if not the dad will make some more milk to feed the baby to slp. can see tht the mum is real tired cos she also cant slp with her baby fidgeting or crying. then the dad has to ensure both his boys dont fall off while slping and turning about. and they brought 2 prams along. goodness. they're like super parents man. i seriously salute them. i wanna be like them in future. hoho.

and we waited fringging long for our luggages! cabbed home at 33 bucks. exact same cost as my mum when she cabbed home e day before! haha. home sweet home at 1+am. goodness. bt it was a really good break (:

9th: cabbed down to lido to catch 'knowing' with my bro. cos my bro has 2 free passes for SHAW and decided to watch the 1130 movie at lido when i just came out frm bathing at like 1045. i still had to change and stuff, so theres no way we can gt there by 1130. bt when we got there, they said 'knowing' has no free passes. i was like wth. bt in the end we still bought tic to watch 'knowing'. goodness la, waste our cab money and movie money cos it was $8 cos we didnt know it just premiers tht day. so okay. brrrr. graphics were good bt it wasnt really worth watching i guess, cos at the end of the movie, you dont know whts it abt, you dont know whts it trying to say, you dont get the msg the movie is trying to bring across (or maybe there wasnt even any agenda in the first place) then went tuition. thks tiffy for taking over me the past 3 lessons when i wasnt ard. yes my tutee is a naughty cheeky lil kid. lols.

10th: good friday! missed the combined service cos i had to look after lil devils - abt 20 of them, most frm eng con. they're really cute, bt they can gt super noisy and naughty. rawr! i love kids (: went cathay to meet 4h for lunch at astons. yes its relatively cheap and the food isnt too bad, so you can say tht its quite worth it. then starbucks, talked a lot, laughed a lot. it was meant to be a farewell for apr enlist, bt apparently ppl pangseh-ed, ended up only jt was there. anw jiateng i wish you all the best and take care in green camp okay! and we'll meet up when you're out ya! dont worry you'll survive! (: gna miss jt man. our bff, our dance and outing buddy. awww.

then went upstairs for guitar heroes! woohoo! its mega fun (: someone shld just invest in one then we can all play tgt. hoho! then went timbre with simin and tiffy. i thought it was at clarke quay, we walked clarke quay to and fro for like 3 times before we realise its actually at boat quay, further down the river on the other side. goodness! we spent like 1 hr looking for it. oops okay MY bad. its actually MY fault cos I thought it was there. bt alas we still made it there. we gt indoor seats, after which we managed to get the ones outside to hear the live band. woots! its pretty cool aye. my drink was nt too bad. mango sunrise! and shared a pizza (: we shld ask more ppl there nxt time! its a good place to chill and talk with good music. simply nice ambience la (: managed to catch 14 to clem. cabbed home frm the flyover and the meter jumped once only, bt thts still 4.50 -.- lols. cos its too quiet to walk across the flyover. nxt time i want someone to send me home. heh.

11th: went for street E for the very first time (yes cos think i missed the previous one) yes i was scared, nt exactly scared la, more of dno wht to say, how to approach ppl and how to say it and stuff. yup so it was a gd exp (:
12th: sunday was easter sunday! (: service was at 2. congrats zl, ben, zq for getting baptised! they're re-born now, hallelujah! its really happy to see ppl getting baptised, esp your friends, ppl of your age (: dinner at vivo. HAHA! terry we really didnt mean it =x

shit man, i've been thinking
about someone A LOT lately.
you reach your hand out
i try to grab it,
but you pull it back;
its confusing.
the truth hurts,
but a lie's worse.

tell me wht now

somethins i've always been thinking about

2009-03-27T13:05:00.002+08:00

Graduation - Vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day

Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And there was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be, friends forever

So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be, friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be, friends forever

I know this sounds like such a cliche song ever since dinos were still around, but somehow, it ALWAYS speaks to me, ever since young. maybe it wont anymore after 25. haha. i dont know. prolly it was meant to be a perfect song for the norm education years, all the way till U-grad. Cos ordinary man would have settled down by 25 or so. and in any kinda grduation, i just feel that the song is so so apt, be in primary, secondary, jc, and even now, before we girls begin on this journey in a totally new phase of life.

but thts exactly wht me and sm wld always do once in a while - talk on the phone thru the wee hours of the night and just talk abt anything and everything. and yes we always like to talk about the future, wht we're gna be like, wht we're gna do, wht kinda bfs we'll have and rant abt how unfair life is etc. haha. thou it may get very unrealistic at times, bt it makes one happy. cos its just human nature to anticipate the future. No matter how unsure we are of our future, we wld all like to know whts the ending for us. is tht is for me? but see, whts the point of knowing it before the time comes? if funny how man always percieves and expects things to be like this and like tht, and get all so disappointed and upset when it doesnt turn out so - whoever said it was supposed to be like tht in the first place?

wht is a 'FAIR'/'UNFAIR' life? wht is the basis of it? wht are the standards it has to adhere to? life only SEEMS unfair cos of wht one has but the other doesnt. its the comparison made that makes us think life is indeed unfair/fair. i know it sounds very cliche again, bt seriously, stop comparing and instead, really start living your life, treasure your relationships with ppl and cherish all the things you HAVE. when you compare, you're missing out on all the good stuff tht you never ever realised you have, cos you're just so focused on all the things tht you DONT have. but yes it is human nature to see wht we dont have at fore sight.

you have to admit tht choosing and decided which uni and wht courses to take has been forcing us to grow up overnight cos decision making is exaclty wht grown-ups do. theres no longer room and time for 'i dont know wht im gna do', 'i dont know wht i wanna study', 'im gna think abt it later' yes those thoughts do still linger in our minds, but this time round is different, we have make a decision now by hook or by crook. suddenly, its like we're women and men.

and yes we're all gna go our separate ways in a few months time (make tht 5), and yes we're no longer gna hang out just as much, or we might not even hang out tgt anymore cos we all have our own lives, our own new friends, but really, i'll always hang on to this verse: 'As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together, and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be, friends forever' (:

YES KAT REALLY LOVES HER FRIENDS <3

uni stuff + birthday surprise! + etc

2009-03-23T12:39:00.004+08:00

okay yes its finally time to update. lots of stuff has been happening. and since the accountant isnt in tdy, so i shall slack and fill you in. hoho. so this will be a mega super duper longggg post.

yup so sb4 met up on 5th, day before results day. ate at marina sqaure MOF. it's really great catching up (: so results day came, i took leave cos i was thinking i wouldnt have the heart to be at work. and yes indeed i was dead scared. and i just wanted to find someone to go to sch with. gf aint free. so i ended up joining barney and win's class in celebrating denice's birthday. there were like 2 cakes, bt it was mega delicious. one was frm awfully choc cos barney works there! okay so came 230, met up with the class and sat in the hall - we were all super duper scared, the atmosphere was just so tense. okay so the principal addressed us and up came the names of those with 7As, 6As, 4H2 As, and 3H2 As. Hari had 6As, feel like kicking his butt cos the day before he was just saying how he is so not getting on stage cos he was saying he fell aslp during math. in the end he didnt only gt 3As, bt double tht. okay whtever. jtoh, daryl, bing, swai, angel, phuong, mel all had 3H2 As. congrats ppl. kinda surprised xwini didnt cos she's one of those expected ones. just as much as i dreamt and said i wanna gt my results on stage in j1 during the same period, i was hoping at least 2As-chem & math.

bt surprise surprise! i had none ): i was uber disappointed. Bs and Cs, were kinda crap results to me. almost everyone had A for h1 econs, and i got a C. sigh, prolly i just wasnt cut out for econs in the first place. i really really felt like crying, bt i really didnt want to, i told myself tht i cannot cry. i dont want ppl to console me, to pity me. until i saw huihui and ask her how she did. she did relatively well. when she saw me, she just knew i wanted to cry. somehow i dno why, i just couldnt hold my tears back in front of her, maybe cos i knew i didnt needa put up a strong front in front of her. or rather i know i couldnt, cos she can just see thru it all. and when my mum called, she heard BCD, and said huh so lousy arh, and i totally just broke down. i quickly cooled down cos i didnt wanna cry. then went town to eat ding tai fung with toh,seah,wen,dan. then went toh hse to wii and guitar heroes. well i didnt really have the mood to play, bt it certainly did divert my attention away a lil. i was so tired tht i cabbed home. went online and got to know just how much i fell short of other's expectations of me and K even talked to me on fb to check if i was okay. yeah i know i've disppointed many many ppl, including myself. im sorry but tht is the fact. guess want i can do now is to embrace it, find a course in uni tht i want and start afresh frm there and work hard all over again.

bt really, its easier said than done, cos all my hopes and dreams were like dashed all of a sudden, and i was kinda lost. i didnt really know how to react or wht to do. aviation management was all i ever wanted to take ever since i got to know abt it. i wanted to do aerospace engineer before i got to know abt aviation management. i've always wanted to work in the aviation industry since young. i dno why, i just have a thing for planes. actually if i were to apply to aus now for aviation management, im pretty sure i'll get it with my grades, just tht i dont have the money. well maybe i only have myself to blame. if i wanted tht so much, i shld have worked harder for wht i wanted. but on the other hand, life doesnt always go the way i want it, life isnt always the way we want it to be. or rather, God has smth else better in store for me. cos im totally sure i deserved better grades than wht i got. oh and ZL gt 6As, bt he didnt go up stage cos he was late! bt neither did i hear his name leh =x well i expected him to go on stage alr, bt nt 6As. haha. well everyone knows he's such a smart ass la. bt im really proud of him (: gotta really thank him for reminding me tht God has the best plans for me (: made me feel so much better.

okay so time for some serious decisions to be made now. i really wanna take psychology or sociology cos i just find interest in studying abt ppl, how/why they behave in a certain manner, be it norm or abnorm. but the thing is, sociology is nth specify, its way too general, then psy gotta do up till masters/phd in order to practise it in sg. which comes the thought of WHAT IF i dont make it all the way there. i know it sounds so inconfident of myself bt i mean i gotta be realistic in such situations and have a backup plans if ever all the 'WHAT IFs' happen by murphy's law. and im really worried/scared if i can really cope cos its FASS-faculty of arts and social science. for goodness sake i've always been a science student ever since day 1. i was nv trained as an arts student, nv trained to write like an arts student. communications in new media seems interesting too. project&facilities management/real estate seems fun too. but my friend says proj&fac mgmt is very general mgmt lvl, cos they learn a bit of everything, so cant do much also cos nt v specialised. sigh. i really dno. or i shld go general engineering then specialise in year 2? tht sounds fine too. bt i gotta work real hard, cos wht if i dont gt into the specialised engineering tht i want? then its like GG. thts why im gna meet the girls this wed to talk abt it. so much for missing the open hse. bleah =x okay bt i was in need for a greater purpose. i'll talk abt it ltr (:

sat went for smu open hse with tiffy. hmmm nt exactly where i wld wanna go cos its a very biz sch. modules and courses are way limited. bt sch life wise is superb i have to say. its really happening and stuff. yup. bt nus wld be a better choice in any sense, be it location or its social science. NUS is like how near my hse. haha. then went marina barrage with soar. its a real b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l place! (: thou it rained initially, bt glad it stopped towards the end so we cld walk out and take photos! XD

same sunday the 8th and it was a bloody exciting day cos we planned a surprise party for my bro's 21st! (: rushed over aft dance. it was at auntie elsa's function room. auntie elsa bluffed him tht we were gg for dinner tgt to celebrate his birthday. then she said go to gym room to ask his son and hubby to go up and change to dinner, then we brought him to the function room (which he thought was the gym room -.-..) and tada! i was really fun and exciting (:i managed to gt church friends, his high sch friends, college friends, choir friends over. and he was really totally SURPRISED. and cried almost thruout cos he say he feel so loved! awww..how sweet. haha. wht a lovely sister he has right. HAHA. (yes tht made him waive off the 2.50 which i owe him for chicken rice. LOL!) theres buffet, sushi, cake, drinks, some games and songs. and he got a roger federer K-16 tennis racquet okay, no joke. so cool la. so jealous. bleah. lols.

when everything ended and just as he thought everything was over, he got another surprise waiting for him at home-his med friends (: bt he ran outta tears to cry alr. lols. but before tht, it was so scary and exciting at the same time cos someone drove us home, which was like 10mins only, i msg his med friends say we're on the way back alr-tht was like at 945. bt the med friend say cannot cannot, haven deco finish, drag till like 1030, i was like wth? how am i supposed to do tht when someone is sending us all the way back to our BLOCK. and cant possibly ask him to detour or smth wht cos nt v nice mah, ppl so nice send us back alr still request so much, nxt day got work somemore. and its nt like 5 min leh, its like 45mins. goodness gracious. and my bloody phone kept shutting down, i was so annoyed. plus when the car turned into the carpark, its obviously visible tht my hse door was open and the lights were all on. i freaked out cos i was like shit my bro might have seen tht. bt he didnt say anything, so guess he missed tht. so i just asked my mum to bring my bro go shengsiong. and so i went home first cos i was tired. phew. his med friends were still tying up the happy birthday words and balloons and stuff. it was really pretty (: and they just kept surprising him somehow when more ppl came cos they were late! then they played wii. its looked super fun and funny. raving rabbids is just hilarious. i wanna gt wii too! it can be a family investment XD

bt seriously, he has really really nice friends, nth more anyone cld ask for. and really gotta thank auntie elsa for providing the room and food and stuff, and esther for helping me to get ppl to deco the place and bonnie for sending out countless sms to glowing ppl cos it was all super super last min. plus i just got my results and all the uni stuff bothering me, i almost died man, so really thank everyone for helping and keeping the secret within (:

wed 11th went for zong pop with tiffy. wht a son. haha! yes its all the way at tekong. pretty much the same when my bro popped. everyone looked exactly the same, seriously. lols. managed to see lunny too! while derrick was too busy taking photos to find us. if i really had a son, i wld have felt mega proud of him (rmb i have utmost respect for soldiers) everything was cool, quite nice. his mum fetched him frm pasir ris and was so nice to give us a lift to BB. we were gg to meet simin anw to go ikea to eat! (: then walked ard queensway cos i needa gt fbts for mission trip. thurs was 4h dinner at marche! woohoo (: great catching up with all, esp the army guys. even leonard and derrick went, yes im so totally NOT joking. and mayqi, i havent seen her in such a longggg while. lunny came despite feeling a lil sick. so nice, he must have missed us a lot. haha. i desperately wanted to meet up cos i'll be flying the wk they're off! and god knows when will they be free again for gathering. my son is mega pro at DDR okay. he prolly has secret prac sessions when im nt home. lols! then had coffee talk at starbucks. thou its all army stuff, bt kinda interesting to hear all the different stories frm all the diff army guys. lol.

2d dinner on fri at err...i forgot the name of the eatery. anw its the one right beside page one. great catching up with 2d too, havent met them in ages, cny was the last time if im nt wrong. thou nt many turned up, bt its better than nth i guess. i got to know tht many 2d ppl didnt do really well, bt its okay, we still have each other (: sometimes it just gets annoying and tiring organising such stuff cos sometimes some ppl just dont give a damn abt such stuff, and you really feel dishearted at times. cos more often than not, its a matter of choice whether they turn up or not. i mean everyone has to make an effort, its really nt easy-no one ever said it wld be. thou i also do understand tht we're no longer kids anymore, and sometimes responsibilities really means responsibilities, cant abandon things as and when we like anymore, like how we used to a couple of years back-cos we were still kids. yes i do accept tht fact, but its just smth tht i personally feel sad abt for humans. i mean i dont deny tht i feel this way, but yeah, i do try to understand. thts why i always appreciate ppl for making the effort to turn up, be it they're mega busy or super free.

win, sha, sue and me still went to catch my bloody valentine 3D. goodness. its bloody gory and uber disgusting , plus the 3D effect, imgine how disturbing it is. lol bt win was so funny cos she thought the movie isnt seen thru a screen, just wear the special glasses and everything is seen thru the glasses itself. the glasses were just for the 3D effect la. haha. cabbed home AGAIN. cos im freaking tired and i still gotta rush home to pack my luggage cos i have a plane to catch the nxt morn. thts when i really wished so much so much - was there to send me home again (:

love;
game?

life isn't all that simple

2009-03-02T08:24:00.008+08:00

was having a real bad time ytd. yeah so this is gna be a trash out session. so dont read if you dont wanna be affected. (okay actually i think no one really reads my blog, so nvm)

was so excited abt dinner & stayover with girlfriends after 2 months. but it turned out to be a reality check, totally not wht I expected.

dinner ended up with her friends. well yes thou she did ask if we mind. but it'd be just kinda mean to say yes we do then she'll have to part with them and miss gathering with them and stuff(thou she sees them 5days a wk alr), or maybe it'll just put her in a v difficult position. bt personally i didnt mind tht much cos i was thinking there'd be slpover ltr, so we can always catch up ltr over at her hse. bt guess other gf wasnt really okay, thou she didnt say, i should have sensed it right from the start frm her response. damn it. i actually thought her dont mind with the condition was really DONT MIND. and i shld have further guessed when she took near 2hrs to reach. when i called why she's taking so long to come, she said raining, so i wanted to borrow umbrella to go fetch her, but when she heard, she immd said oh rain stop alr and ended the call.

then she was quite quiet, then like quite sian thruout. then suddenly she say she go buy smth, ask us call her ltr. but when we called her when we're leaving, she said she's on the bus home alr. i was like totally stunned, seriously. i didnt know how to react. guess other gf was shocked too. i really couldnt understand her decision. cos its like i was very quiet thruout too, i was just listening them talking and stuff. its nt as if i was enjoying my time there. i dno, i just think she didnt have to do tht. bt aft tht she said SHE dont even have time for us, next time bah. tht sentence just got into me, so strongly. then i thought like yeah its true also, she really dont even have time for us. so maybe afterall i was the stubborn one, decieving myself tht she'll fill us in aft dinner when we gt to her hse.

by murphy's law, everything i didnt expect/want to happen, happened. so aft tht i was telling gf i still wanna stayover at hers, at least she can fill me in first. and surprise surprise! she said she havent asked her mum, and she wld wanna 'slp' with her mum and talk to her cos her parents have been unhappy with her lately cos she's always out for camps, nv at home, then like dont care about family anymore and stuff. so maybe wont be a gd time to slpover. i was like wth? i mean initially both of us were supposed to slpover alr. imgaine if the other gf stayed on thinking we'd be slping over ltr, yet in the end find out oops sorry we cant, wouldnt tht be even worse? i mean its just so unethical and mean in a way. as in like, if tht was wht she thought of initially, she shldn't have given us the green light and say yeah we can stayover, tht wld be fine. if she said no she's nt free, i wldnt feel so sad, or i wouldnt feel sad at all cos we cant meet up (cos she has nv been able to meet up with us since jan, so im too numb to her 'oh-no-so-sorry-i-cant-im-not-free-cos-i-have-camps/smth on') i know it sounds mean, but in tht sense i wouldnt feel sad at all or tht sad. its the DISAPPOINTMENT i get outta my expectations tht makes me feel so awful and dejected.

maybe i shld have gotten the hint tht she didnt really want us to stayover cos she asked 3 times 'so how? - how as in like are we still gg her place to stayover or wht.' sadly i was too dumb to sense tht, until ltr she told me how i didnt realise tht she kept asking cos she didnt really want us over. so aft dinner i thought she was gg back alr, but she said she's gg mustafa w them to gt some stuff for camp. so i said i didnt mind gg along cos i didnt really wanna go home cos i was prepared to stay out alr anw. then she was like 'are you sure you wanna join us, cos we might be done quite late' i said nvm, cos anw the one who drives says he live in the west and can drop us home. so as long as i can get home, i'd be fine with anything. she asked me a few times too. aft i hopped on, she told me they're gg for coffee first then mustafa, and might get really late. i was like wht?! goodness. its no wonder she slps 2-3hrs a day cos she always hangs out soooo late. so i was like oh nvm la, i'll just sit for a while then maybe i'll go off on my own ltr. then she decided to just tell me straight tht 'they have smth to say' by typing on the hp. so i was like OH. then i realised all along she's been hinting to me to ask me go home and dont go w them. she prolly knew right frm the start they wld be gg for coffee then mustafa to gt stuff, so she was hinting me not to go mustafa w them.

okay so she walked me to the bustop. and i think she really couldnt stand my dumbness and insensitivity anymore cos thru the whole ordeal earlier on, she hinted me on 3 things, nt to slpover, nt to go mustafa, not to go coffee. in which the last she decided to just tell me straight cos she know i'll prolly nv get her msg of 'go home, dont come w us'. yeah so she started tht i shldnt have asked some guy to help me collect stuff when i dont know him well. she said he prolly gave some hints to send the msg tht i dont know him well why am i asking him to help me. she said this is not the first time alr, there're couple of other instances, which she cant rmb. so she says these are unspoken rules which i have to take note of, have to be more sensitive or alert when ppl speak in a certain way/manner, they might be trying to hint smth. cos its like nxt time when i go out to work and deal with different ppl, they're not obliged to tell me to take note of this and that, they might just get pissed or freak out and stay away from me and thats it. they're not gna correct me abt this and that, the do's and dont's. well i totally agree with her. she being my bestie thts why she bothers telling me, just like a mum.

bt precisely its frm bestie, thts why it pricks my heart and hurts cos i know how true it is, for a bestie to tell me tht. well bt yeah, truthful words are nv pleasant to the hear. bt i really do appreciate her for telling me so. i wonder who ever wld if she doesnt. and yes i do agree tht i may be very insensitive at times. i dno if im dumb or wht. i just dont think much into wht ppl say. i take it as a-very-matter-of-fact. i dont like playing guessing games or thinking games when conversing. so whtever ppl say, i just take it as it is. dont really bother if there's a hidden agenda or anything. prolly i just dont like the idea of thinking so hard or suspecting ppl's words for wht they are. i mean dont they find it just too taxing to converse in this manner, to have a hidden agenda in every sentence? i find tht this makes the whole environment ard you and your relationships with ppl ard you very superficial and unreal due to the lack of trust and honesty. but i guess this skill will be essential in working life and i will have to mastered it sooner or later. or else ppl will just find me a nuisance someday due to my insensitivity. or ppl with a different frequency will just nv get it =x

bt i have no idea why she nv has time for us. i mean yes obviously i know she's hell busy (i mean who doesnt know right?) bt you can see tht she hangs out pretty much with her camp mates outta camp too (as you see from the photos on fb). or just take dinner tht night as an example, why cant she just sacrifice having dinner with them JUST THIS ONCE (with the fact tht she's alr with them 5 days a wk) and just come have dinner with the 2 of us alone. well i know for a fact tht she's treated. and yes i paid for my gf's share cos she left halfway. well bt thts nt the point. this is clearly a matter of choice, and if this decision of hers implies tht she favours them over us, well then guess im just SPEECHLESS. Keeping your friends close to you is nv a matter of convenience, it needs sacrifice, time and effort, of which im not guilty to say i have not done. Obviously she conveniently merged our dinners tgt, which shouldnt be the way. Well im not saying we cant have dinners tgt if her intention was to introduce her friends to us and we to her friends, bt tht obviously wasnt her intention. prolly she was just too irritated with us bugging her to meet up and stuff, so she just sweepingly agreed to have dinner and stayover just to shut our ass up and leave her alone. Yea maybe we really shld, cos it ALWAYS takes 2 hands to clap.

maybe prolly until some day when she's dead bored (well i guess tht will NEVER happen) or when smth happened at camp, then she MIGHT come look for us. thou thts exactly wht friends are for - to be in every kind of shit with you and to hold your back whenever you're about to fall. thou thts wht i say, but guessed i'll nv be able to just leave her alone cos i cant bare to see us drift apart, i'll nv want to and i dont wanna risk tht. its too big a bet.

obviously i didnt and wont tell her all these cos she felt so bad alr tht night for treating us like tht. how do you expect me to say all these out. and i cant bare to see her sad or make her feel any worse. but maybe i shld tell her someday too, about things btw her parents and her. think the issue shld be dealt with soon, or it might just escalate into smth really bad and awful beyond repair. but also needa find time to talk to her and stuff. actually im glad she's quitting full time aft mar. cos its really just too tiring.

i was so down tht i just needed someone to talk to. even if its just entertaining me abt unrelated stuff just to kp my mind of the matter. thought of geodude and peanuts, but guess i shouldnt bother them cos they prolly have their own stuff to bother abt. and another gf is prolly down too. i mean thou she says she's fine, but its obvious tht she isn't. but since she said tht, she prolly doesnt wanna talk abt it anymore so guess i shld just leave her alone too (goodness i actually got tht sign!) but J was really nice to hear me out, thanks a lot dude. i really needed tht, its really appreciated! (:

wonder why ppl whom we love most are the ones who'll disappoint us the most. prolly cos we've got so much higher expectations of them as compared to the others, hence it will seem tht they disappoint us the most. but we're all just human, so are they.

after saying all these, i still love my gfs (:

And then for the times when we're apart
Well then close your eyes and know
These words are coming from my heart
And then if you can remember ...

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for

That's what friends are for;
(:

week off!

2009-02-24T11:17:00.012+08:00

yes indeed i'll have this week off. feels damn shiok actually. woohoo! haha

anw last friday was such a hectic at work man. cos my bosses are flying off the nxt day and i had to photostat and get all their sample documents ready. then it was like last min some documents cant find. and as for those original invoices from the payment vouchers, i swore i made copies of them alr, bt somehow they just didnt appear. so i had to find the file for the months, pull out those payments vouchers to copy those invoices again, when it was like only 45mins left to dock off. cos previous hour we had com. session, so ate up some time. the last 45min of tht day was the most exciting and anxious part of work so far as of 5jan when i started work. lols. cos i was really racing with time, i was soooo scared tht i couldnt get all the documents ready in time! but phew, i made it. haha.

after work i was supposed to meet tiffy to go for some sales and marketing briefing, but we decided to abandon as we think its a scam. lols! so we ended up dating at vivo carls junior! hoho! omg i just love the beef chili cheese fries a hell lot. yea and so we ate and chatted for quite some time, ard 8+ 9 i guess. its just so fun talking to her, and shared all out different exp and encounters at work. its just so hilarious. hoho. then we shopped for jh and val's gift cos theres gna be a surprise party for them the nxt day. okay i shall talk abt it in a while. so we gt jh knickers! HAHA! and val this cute double A thingy. lols. and i phoned with simin till like 4am?! omg!

so came sat and i had such a hard time waking up man. lols.went for tuition then badminton at SP with churchies (: it was fun and it felt damn shiok. cos its really been eons ever since i last exercised. the last time prolly was last yr aft As before prom, where i played tennis w huihui, mirah and ben! yeah i realised i kinda missed badminton, ever since trg stopped in mid sec4. and yes my body ached all over the nxt day, even till now-tuesday! goodness! yes i feel so fat and unfit, i wanna play sports! bt no one to play with. i'll prolly go swimming this wk ALONE. then it was jh&val surprise party at night. met at cck at 1030. yes 1030! goodness! for the first time i left hse at 9+ for an event. lols. yeah so i was super early la. bt jian was there alr. cos he's actually the IC. omg can you believe it?! lols! lev&jw actually entrusted such an impt task to him - the cake and the misc stuff. you can see jian he's really trying to be very careful and meticulous not to screw up anything- from the cake, to the notes, pens and party hats and candles! haha.

so everyone met at cck macs to write the notes. then we made our way to cck park and started prep all the stuff:

yeah we had to get our party hats ready

and dress the monster up. LOLS! XD

light and line up the '19' candles!

plus the birthday cake!

and cos jh and val are blind folded, so we had to act like strangers to give her birthday hugs, which she alr had thruout the whole day at botanic and night safari - cos they had this tag hung ard them, saying birthday hugs. haha. it was so hilarious man, esp jh! she was really scared! haha. then there was party poopers, birthday song and both of them had to blow out all, YES ALL, the candles. hoho. then its sparklers time!

lev with her heart!

jw&lev with I <3>

4 HAVOC! how lovely (:

val&jh with 19 (:

how fireworks mode really works wonders! XD

group photo!

lev&jw were really sweet to plan this whole thing for their gfs (: maybe i shld do smth for mine too! hoho XD ohyea then we all cabbed home. think jian was a bit - to follow our cab home cos he was gg khatib, bt we're gg bb then clem, aft which then e cab went khatib, its like a big round la. and khatib is so much more nearer frm cck then clem. lols. then he said the cab fare was like 34. but he was really nice to drop us home first. thanks weijian! (:

anw ytd was so much like a sat. cos im home, my mum's on leave too and my bro has study leave, so everyone is home. haha. woke up an hr late bt still managed to catch the oscars! benjamin buttons, slumedog millionaire and dark knight were nominated in most awards, but slumdog swept 8 awards outta 10 nominations, goodness! so i guess it has to be a really really nice movie. yup, so gna catch it ltr at jp with tiff wee jt. after which me and tiff are slping over at simin's! nv stayed over at simin's. haha. woohoo so excited! and cos simin is off on wed and thurs, while tiff starts work at 2 on wed i guess, so theres time! dno wht we're gna do on wed, but guess we'll decide ltr! hoho! and guess wht? im meeting my gfs on sunday for coffee talk! lots and ltos to catch up on. YES our dear huihui is finally AVAILABLE after the long wait. this is like our 1st OFFICIAL meet up after christmas, where we made a pact to meet up have a meal or smth once every 2 wks! and its already 2 months! GOODNESS!

guess i shld spend time planning out this wk and nxt and nxt nxt cos theres bound to be lots of stuff going on and coming in. and i have to start searching for devotions for thai mission trip (yes we had our first meeting last sun) and do my sums correctly to see if i can make it for the 2d trip. argh. irritating.

okay gotta pack my bag and run for tuition now. ciao!

even if it means 2 years;

issues and more issues

2009-02-19T11:57:00.003+08:00

yes its lunch time, and im here blogging while eating.
cos my lunch partner is meeting her ex-colleagues for lunch tdy.

anw recently more and more things are cropping up and seriously, i dont know wht to do, or rather, i dont know wht i CAN do. everything just seem to screwed up now. gosh.

okay so firstly, guess i wont need to report to work nxt wk since 2 of the heads wont be ard as they'll be having training at UK Jersey. and cos i dont have access to their system (or rather they dont let me have access), so there isnt much i can do. so yea. the other colleague will prolly call me in on thurs/fri if she needs me help. so mon-wed im off! well it may be a gd thing in a sense tht i finally get to rest and enjoy holidays w/o doing anything, or rather to do whtever i want and to SLEEP IN! on the other hand, it means i'll have no pay. bleah. i was actually thinking of signing up for one HA camp, but decided not to cos think it's quite last min cos its like nxt wk, and guess i would want to stay home and rest and stuff. ohyes, maybe i should PACK MY ROOM! its been HALF packed - since the As. oops =x

okay then secondly, i'll be missing NUS open hse! goodness. cos i'll be flying to thai for church mission trip on 14 mar morn! and the open hse is 14-15mar. argh. im quite anxious actually. cos its like NUS will prolly be one of my main choices, and yet i cant go for the open hse to know wht i am/have to know - like wht courses, the programmes available, scholarships, financial aids, tuition fees etc etc. this time there'll sure lots of qns to ask cos its MY enrolment. Yes im sure all these info can be readily retrived from the web, but its just different. you'll wanna know wht exaclty a course is about, wht do you exactly learn, wht are the future career options and stuff. cos info frm the web will just be wht WE deem it to be, but we wont really know wht it entails till we hear it frm ppl who're actually taking the course of the pros, cos it may be totally different frm wht we think/thought it is. and knowing all these is impt, cos it will directly/indirectly affect the rest of our lives. As in like even before sec/jc enrolment we went for open hse. imagine this is UNI, such a major decision and yet i'll be missing the open hse. GOODNESS! and so im really kinda scared. but i dont wanna, you know, like carry this burden or regret over to thai during the mission trip, i mean its just wrong/bad to do so. so guess the only thing i can do now, is just to leave it in the hands of the lord, and have faith tht he will prepare the best roads for me, and tht i will have access to whtever info i needed to know.

yea in addition tht wk is like the 2nd wk aft the release of results (dont know how confirmed 6mar is) yea which means i'll only 1 wk to settle everything i have to settle before flying off. cos deadlines for most scholarships is 2wks aft release of results. yeah then apply Uni prolly aft im back from thai. but i also have only 1 wk to do so cos i'll be flying hk on the follow wk. goodness! i've thought of postponing the flight, but the air fares to hk for apr have escalated to more than double my sale fare. yea and i wld prefer to go with my family. yup so everything is in such a bad timing. arghs. yeah so im quite scared tht i'll like miss certain deadlines or interviews(if there is any) and stuff when im away. bleah. yea so everything just seems kinda screw up now. but like i said, guess i can only PRAY. test of faith.

in these times of uncertainty about our own futures, guess we all can only hope for the best.

anw simin called me ytd! and we had a long long chat. its been long ever since we had a long chat over the phone. we used to do tht quite often back then during our secondary days. gosh im making myself sound so old! haha. we talked abt lots of stuff, from setting up a blogshop, to wht uni course we wanna take, to gossips, to working life, to the economy, and even to bush, obama and mas selamat. LOLS! yeah it was so nice catching up with her again. yes we'll meet up soon! (:
yes you can see im free nxt wk! hoho.

anw gtg work now. ciao~

absence really makes the heart grows fonder;

gloomy thursday morning

2009-02-12T08:18:00.006+08:00

gloomy gloomy morning.
for the first time i went to work, the skies are grey.

well tht was kinda random. anw, went to send weiwei off on mon, stayed over at deb's to send yx off the nxt morn. actually wanted to stayover at the airport, but since deb offered her house, so why not eh. haa. anw we cabbed tgt the nxt morn. cos according to deb, it takes an hr to bus to work though she lives in the east! yea so theres no more yx until june ): yes and cos of sending her off, i took a day leave off work! it feels damn shiok and exciting to take leave. haha. prolly cos its my first official leave which i took. LOL.

met tiffy later tht to day watch DEFIANCE. yeah DANIEL CRAIG (: we were all in rush cos it was kinda last min. initially we agreed on changeling at ps. bt somehow we were still deciding, then in the end we realised we wont be able to make it in time to catch the movie cos we were all still home. so last min switch to defiance, which was still a rush thou. lol. had to wait for tiffy to buy tic cos STUDENT PASS is $6. hoho. yea so think we were like 5 min late for the movie. but nvm, i think its a pretty nice movie. i dno, i just have a thing for war movies.

so it was about during the Hitler times, where the jews were condemned. There was this group of people, called the Belskis, who fled and hid to live in the forests, and whenever Germans found them, the whole group would run, taking only weapons and ammunitions, while some of the men would stay to fight off the Germans to allow the rest of their fellow Jews to cover more grounds. So it goes on to show how these 3 brothers overcome difficulties and obstacles to lead the Jews, to keep the community alive, to provide for them, to protect them. There was this time when they came to desperation as German planes drop bombs over the forest, so they fled until a point where it was the waters. It's either the walk across the waters, or stay there to fight. Knowing tht it was impossible to fight the Germans, and quite impossible to cross the waters cos its quite deep actually, the leader actually was at a loss of wht to do, he really didnt know wht to do. Until the other brother came back and said: ''Moses is not going to part the waters for us, but we can all do this together. The men will carry the children on their backs, and the strong will support the weak." so he gathered all the people's belts and stuff and linked them tgt, and hand in hand, they all crossed the waters to the other side of the land, and yes they all did it. I was just simply amazed by this scene.

Apparently this is a true story. The Belskis lived in the forests for another 2 years, and despite people dying frm the fighting, frm sickeness and harsh living conditions, their numbers grew. Sadly one of the brothers didnt live to see his child, while the other 2 started a business and continued for another 30 yrs. These are people with a dream, a vision, hope and faith. Thats why they succeed. Worth the time and money (:

Flipping thru the papers everyday, seeing news of firms, big & small, in all sorts of industries, all facing financial crsis, retrenchment, losing billions and billions. This is really depressing and sometimes it really makes you wonder, what is the world coming to? what is the world becoming of? I once heard someome say tht such financial crisis comes once every 10 yrs, which is kinda true i guess. theres 1998 Asian financial crisis and 1987 Global financial crisis, and now, theres another global financial crisis. So prolly its just a cycle thing in which nature takes its course? haa. i really dont know.

anw i have some plans for the rest of the hols:
- screwtape letters on 27feb
- disney princess on ice on 13mar(tentative)
- mission trip to thai in mid mar
- 30mar-8apr HongKong (: (book tic alr at sale fare!)
- church retreat to msia in june
- aus if i still have time and money (hoho)

yes its getting bloody exciting. LOL! at least now i have smth to look forward in the midst of boring working life. wheeeee! i hope this sat all the boys will be out, cos its VALENTINES yo. hmmm...which one shld i pick? HOHO! but peanuts will be out for sure! and i still owe him a beanie! anw i wanna catch benjamin buttons!

hoho anw ytd i topped up my ezlink at 7-11 cos im no where near an mrt. so i wanted to top up $20 but they charge 50cents for the service so $20.50. but i only have $20, so i say then just top up $10. then this morn when i took the bus i realise the value was $29.95. hoho. so i knew the person must have forgotten to cancel the previous $20 top up transaction. so now theres near $30 when i only paid $10. damn shiok. lol. bt anw i couldnt do anything now right when the value is alr added in. well well, JUST MY LUCK. haha (:

There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you - I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do - I love you
I love you;

elephants are my new found love (:

2009-01-29T09:38:00.004+08:00

dont ask me why, but i just have a sudden fetish for ELEPHANTS! hoho (:

and so last fri was the 1st book out for our jan batch army boys. all the mummy boys were so eager to go home! haha. went to PS to gt stuff for daoshis, then rushed down to taka to meet them. it was actually just ka and lunny la. hen went MIA. lols. they actually looked more norm then i visioned it to be. LOL! not tht weird la okay dont worry. but actually i kinda miss lunny's hair. HAHA! yea so caught up with them a lil regarding their lives and trg and stuff in the GREEN CAMP.

then sat was a really busy busy day. morn had to read to my kid, then rushed down to bugis to meet jt and huihui to go army mkt. we were supposed to meet at 1. we waited till 130 and decided to call huihui's home. and guess wht? huihui is still SLEEPING! omg wth. lols.so me and jt decided to proceed to pasta w/o her cos we're all starving. yay and i ate meatballs. i love meat balls. hoho (: was supposed to meet weiting at 3 at douby to register for dance at studio wu. but surprisingly we met her at bugis too! so we went to beach rd tgt. we didnt really know how to go. so guess we actually detoured pretty far before reaching army mkt. but we saw many interesting shops along the way. like this antique shop i guess, and this shop tht sells thumbdrive and hard disk and stuff. yeah im thinking of getting my thumbdrive and hard disk frm there cos they say its cheaper. i need a freaking hard disk cos my comp has too many music and pictures and stuff. think its memo its almost full, so its hell laggy. think i'll ask bong help me set up my lappy when i gt a new one. yes he's pro okay. bong this is free advertisement for you okay! haha.

anw so by e time we reach army mkt its like 3+ alr. so i gtg rush off to church. so they rest helped me register dance. so tuanqi was daoshi day, combining with qicheng and ex-glowing. erm, needs more planning, theres def room for improvement. =x then went WCP fish'n'co for 4h reunion dinner! we were supposed to meet at 730, bt ppl were so so late tht we started ordering only at 9. omg. 4 of us shared the seafood platter for 2 + new york fish'n'chips with cheese! yummy yummy! im starting to love it. haha. and so more army talks are coming in. its interesting to listen, some similar, some different experiences and stuff. haha. and sch 1 get to eat kfc okay. wtp. then went home to gt my stuff plus mahjong then proceed to monterey for stayover (as usual) lols. we watched WANTED! its freaking cool, esp when they show how e bullet swirl ard. its v unrealistic of course, bt its still damn cool. haha. nxt was some dance movie, which was kinda boring, everyone was falling aslp, or maybe we were all just getting tired. so they kept skipping till the dancing parts. LOL!

rach was so high tht she kept wanting to play the drinking game, or rather the water game. haha. jian gt sabo-ed as usual. but this time jiahui was pulled in too. haha. its so funny cos she isnt even in the game, bt we set the rule such tht jiahui has to drink whenever someone draws a K. lols. oh and we played taboo, and had everything linked to jiahui. omg it was freaking funny. slpt for a while, then had to rush to church for service. felt so bad cos i kept dozing off =x then stayed to prac with the band. its pretty cool. haha. we shld do this for every singspiration. hoho. went zong's hse to collect my mahjong. stayed for steamboat. quite nice. prolly cos i havent eaten steamboat for quite some time. and as usual, theres a hell lots food! but everything is nice. lols. damn it im growing EVEN fatter =x stupid wee keep irritating me. bleah. and i miss yakko! hoho.

went home for reunion dinner. for the 1st time in a very very long while i had such scrumptuous dinner! yes home cooked food is still e best (: then chu 1, for the very 1st time also ppl came my hse to bai nian! haha. seriously. for the 1st time my mama was so kan cheong abt cny cos we're gna have visitors. she even bought the 'fu' to paste on the wall. lols! and gt ready hot water, tea etc etc. haha. think i shld go watch 'catch me if you can' again cos only during the last part, we were really watching it. and it was pretty nice. think it's quite a renowned movie/book eh? when leonardo dicaprio was still young and dashing. LOL.

then chu 2 went to bai nian. then met up with dou to pass me his gift frm china. haha. and he's enlisting the nxt day! bt he shaved alr. lols. gna miss him man. yeah okay i owe him a beanie. then back to work on chu 3. bleah. so sian! plus cos chu 3 and chu 4 many ppl are on leave. ytd had 14 ppl and tdy 15 in the whole office. my direct supervisor aint in and she didnt leave me any work cos she said another colleague has stuff for me to do, but in the end the other colleague took leave too cos her son is sick. yeah so im dead bored cos i practically have N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do. thts why i've decided to update my blog now. lols. then ytd i did some uni research and googled on cheap airfares to hk. yea i'll prolly be going hk in april, but gotta book by jan 31 for the offer. haha. maybe i'll go play hearts ltr. LOLS!

oh then the canteen wasnt open ytd, so me and the new colleague cabbed to JP and ate MACS. lols. my 1st time gg to JP for lunch. cos usually ppl who drive can go out there, cos it isnt convenient at all and lunch time is supposedly 1 hr only. lols. and my 1st time gg to the newly renovated and extended JP. oops =x yeah i know im so slow. cos i didnt have the time. anw yeah its pretty cool, many more shops and stuff. shall go there shop some time. hoho. guess tdy the canteen aint open too, but my mum prepared instant noodles for me! HOHO! (: and for the 1st time im free aft work tdy! no tuition no nth cos my kid aint free. so im meeting jt and friends for inkheart at JP. yay! its been a while since my last movie AT THE CINEMA. haha. oh actually think nt very long ago la. abt a month and a half? think it was YES MAN with bong and friends. lols. bt oh wells, i need entertainment. guess the rest of feb is gna be a very dry and mundane one cos there aint any public hols and stuff. yeah. maybe i shld go date someone for valentines. hoho.

giving random stuff
as and when i like
maybe its love;

lucky im in love with my best friend

2009

2009-01-19T23:29:00.004+08:00

hey peeps okay im finally back!

my dec hols were so packed tht i really didnt have the time to update, just as much as i want too, bt i know i wouldnt be able to finish any post cos i'll have freaking so much things to say. overall, i enjoyed the church retreat and the cruise the most (: and all the small and frequent 4h gatherings just brings me much more closer to them. okay i shant talk abt 2008 anymore, or this post will be endless. so lets just continue frm 2009 yeah.

so im currently working at some pharamaceutical company, doing office job-assistant accountant, to make it sound more pro. hoho. its at tuas, but i have shuttle frm je. but still i have to wake up pretty early. and adult fare sucks. every 51 bus ride to je is 93 cents. and if i miss 51 i'll have to take 143, which is 123cents. bleah. office job is really kinda boring, cos its the same thing, the same cycle everyday, every week, every month. im never ever gna do office job if i have a choice. bt since my pay is pretty gd, i shant complain so much and just be content. the thing i dread most is tht i cant sign in msn, or access facebook! ): so i just play hearts when im bored. and its actually quite fun, kinda addicted to it actually. haha. oh angelina and chinkeat works at tuas too! bt tuas is bloody big, god knows where they're working.

yeah and so everyone is just either busy with work or just bored with their lives. and i really miss all my friends. esp the NS guys and my girlfriends. yeah and 4h met up almost alternate days. so the sudden absence of them for 15 days up to date, its alr quite bad. bt we're gna meet up soon-saturday, cant wait! (: for cny steamboat at zong's followed by stayover at huihui's.

oh plus i have a p4 chinese tuition. my kid's not local-from myanmmar. hope my teaching method is useful (i have no idea). and cos its like he relies a lot on eng to help him understand, so most of the time i'll be using eng to explain to him the words and stuff. and he thinks in the eng way too. gosh, dno if im helping him at all. then i read to a 4 yr old kid too. its quite interesting trying to understand how kids think and their point of view abt things ard them, be it big or small. like my kid, he likes pretty girls, girls with long hair, girls with painted nails (yes at only 4!) his good friends are superman, batman, spiderman, lion, tiger. he wants to be a policeman. hoho. best part is tht his hse provides dinner for me! so now i reach home even ltr than my mom (OMG!)

yes i cant wait to gt my pay at the end of the month! cos im seriously so freaking broke. my mom aint giving me allowance cos im working, plus adult fare, plus i went shopping during sale with my own money. gosh!

anw i went with esther to aus fair someday and i got to know abt this really interesting course - AVIATION MANAGEMENT. its abt maintaining/running airport/airlines. i just cant get my mind outta it. i knew abt it frm RMIT in melbourne. bt its like 24k per year, just tuition fees alone, oh my goodness. its nt a very common course, sg doesnt have it for sure. and theres no way i can afford it unless i gt a scholarship or gt a bank loan. bt bank loan sounds very sian, cos it'll be like, when i grad and start working, i'd be working to pay my debts. how sad does tht sound. yea so i'll prolly try for SIA scholarship, which i dont think i'd get it either, bt i guess my chances of getting it will increase if aviation management is wht im taking, cos it'll be an investment for them, besides the bond, i can and very likely will continue to work for them since wht i study its a related field, so thts the only thought tht's keeping my hopes up. alternatively, im thinking about psychology/sociology. it just interests me to understand human behaviour and stuff. haha (:

yuppie okay i'll update more nxt time round yea.
CIAO!

i think he can see through
everything but my heart;

POST A'S

2008-11-28T11:00:00.002+08:00

HEY GUYS! im finally back blogging AGAIN. after like wht 1 month and 24 days. hoho!

okay im nt gna talk abt As. but just a short note abt it. A's is definitely way harder and tougher than O's, bt well, we all did it now. its over. whtever's done is done. however it'll turn out i dno. bt lets just keep our fingers crossed, kp keeping and hope for the best yea. and lets just enjoy ourselves now (:

ohya btw. i wanna thank all those who sent me birthday wishes, be it by sms/friendster/facebook or which ever way you did. thanks for remembering despite A's (: and esp huihui darling for tht lil surprise thou it didnt q
uite turn out the way she wanted it, i still love it yea. i still love her. haha. and thanks XW for tht humongous pooh. its uber cute and cuddly (: such wonderful friends are smth i cant ask for more <3

my post A's has been pretty much fun and exciting. been going out EVERYDAY, literally. went huihui's hse play tennis with amirah and ben. its so fun! its been ages since i last played tennis and exercised. maybe the last time was during pe? which was like 4 mths ago? lols. yea we all got tired pretty soon and ached all over the nxt day. bleah. then went shopping with her class. haha. then there was soccer with 4h! thou nt a lot of ppl, bt it was the usual gang, and we had fun! hey it wasn't tht i didnt ask the rest okay, i did, bt they just didnt wanna go. yea i realised how much i missed 4h. esp when everyone came tgt, just like the old days (: and yea i missed zong's crap a hell lot. its just so funny talking to him, esp SURVIVOR! yes it rocks! i forgot when was the last time i laughed so hard, and so carefree. bt it sure feels gd to do so again (:

then some of them came over to my hse and yes we watched SURVIVOR together! haha. yes huihui survivor shld be your new found love now. its actually so exciting to watch it tgt with your friends! cos we can like sorta discuss abt it and stuff. woohoo! haha (: then we checked out the cruise thing online, and decided to go to chinatown to ask the agencies directly. and so there we went. how spontaneous. haha. thts wht wee calls the RV spirit - SPONANEITY (: we asked ard quite a few agencies. thought abt bali. but finally decided on royal caribbean. 4D3N to penang. okay then we started calling the class to ask if they wanna go cos the rooms are running out fast.

SO after all the talking and persuading and stuff. think its down to final 4 - me hui hen wee, err of which we started with. hoho. seriously, i think its just a matter of how much you wanna go thts all. nth will stop you if you really wanna go. bt if you heart's nt there. every single thing will be in your way. heard penang's beach is damn nice. so im actually quite excited, even thou its only us the fantastic 4. HAH! bt it'll be cool. cos i've been hanging out w hui and wee very much ever since post prelims. seriously. we're gna be like BFFs. lols. ohya win says check out the events on board. so tht we can bring clothes and attend the events. it'll be more fun!

nxt there was sb4 chalet! (: well thou it was kinda ulu and it rained 2 outta 3 days i was there, and we couldnt have our bbq. well we did try. we started the fire alr, then it started it POURING. gosh. bt thank josh dad brought his electric griller all the way frm home! so touched. just so tht our bbq food wouldnt go to waste. but by tht time, many ppl left alr, so it was like a whole lot of food, esp chicken wings, to like ard 10 ppl i guess. bt the chicken wings were nice, cos it was like marinated for more than a day. hah! oh and some of us went cycling, bt it started pouring within less than half an hour. sigh. bt it was fun cycling as a grp, thou i was only for 30 minutes. then we went crazy over burn out, bishy bashy and GUITAR HEROES! woohoo! bishy bashy is seriously damn hell fun and funny man. hahaha. oh then the 1st night i went, we drank a lil. well only a few of us. we gt a lil high, esp hari and xw. we talked and laughed like theres no tmr. hari is seriously so funny. and he's pretty nice to talk to. QUALITY OF LIFE is all he's after. i guess tht makes sense. life is short, so get the best outta it man. enjoy every single day (:

well you see, so it wasnt really THAT horrible afterall, if you dont focus on the downsides. guess there were good times and bad times. hopefully we all enjoyed it no matter wht, cos it was still time spent tgt AS A CLASS, well most of us. took this frm the class blog:

from this.

to this.

will be missing everyone.

-love.as.before.

see you guys nxt march on stage yea. or the field if you prefer (:

watched HSM3. personally i think its nice. prolly cos i dont really have any sort of expectations abt it. guess it pretty fits much into our situation too. as in the part abt choosing. like which uni and which course to take nxt yr and stuff. oh man. we're all really growing up. its time we make our own choices now. afterall its OUR life. then shopped ard looking clothes for the guys. damn its actually pretty hard luh, guys shopping. oh well.

been shopping alot the nxt few days for prom. hey its tiring okay. shopping/walking frm day to night, trying dresses and stuff, just to find the perfect fit. guess there isnt such a thing as a perfect fit. well at least nt for me. yea guess i didnt take care and fell sick on wed. so stayed home the whole day. its like my 1st day staying home all day long ever since As ended. hoho. also decided not to get a dress anymore. i'll just wear the dress i wore to some dinner previously. its actually decent and nice. i had no idea why i was even looking for a dress in the first place. so now just gotta look for shoes and accessories. actually i bought accessories alr the other time. so prolly just shoes and clutch. and i more or less found my shoes ytd while shopping. omg so im damn happy now. im almost done! yes im sick of shopping alr. just waste my money on eating everyday. HAHA!

anw ytd was damn fun. was out with xw and yp. met win and sha. yp left. and so we decided to join win and sha. and shop tgt! (: winnie is damn hell funny la. omg. haha. yes okay i promise - ladies night (:

im gonna be so busy man this dec. seriously. lets see:
29 nov - 6G gathering
1 dec - children's camp
2 dec - prom!
3 dec - children's camp
4 dec - baptism class
7 dec - stan chart run
7-10 dec - church retreat in m'sia
11 dec - 2d stayover (tentative)
12- 15 dec - cruise! (:
15 dec - crazy christmas musical
17 dec - 2d dinner
21 dec - CCIS
23 dec - CCIS
24 dec - dinner with uncle/4h christmas partaye
25 dec - baptism! (:

okay thts all for now folks.

i had a dream ytd. well its nt exactly werid as in WERID, i dno how to describe it. i know its just a dream. but somehow its just bothering me. i dno why bt i just have this feeling tht it meant smth. i dno wht. but why does it have to be him outta any other guys? yeah thts why its bothering me. argh. anw guys go watch 'the notebook' its freaking nice and touching. i'd give it 10 gold stars. hoho! huihui's flying US now! gosh i miss her. till like 14 days ltr ):

btw, tdy's my mum's birthday! happy birthday mummy! (:

call me a stranger;

graduation's coming...

2008-10-03T22:52:00.003+08:00

sorry for not updating for such a long while. was busy studying, plus i got kinda lazy to actually turn on my lappy to come online. lols

so just some short updates on some recent events.

its nt a very glaromous thing, bt i just feel like blogging abt it

UDUU E for PCME GP (3Us, how great)
SCDS E after moderation (how mod really work wonders)

well that doesnt make me any happier or feel better. as in i dont really care abt prelims results cos As is the thing that matters afterall. however well/bad i did, i still have to continue to mug hard for As cos seriously, As are the hardest exams in a lifetime. Os is really nth compared to As. i finally get wht tht means. bt one thing i felt very sad abt is tht DK actually noticed my drastic drop in phy grades for prelims. it was so bad tht he asked me wht happened, my terms i got a B/C, and now for prelims even my SPA couldnt pull me up to an E. sigh. yeah i knew for a fact i screwed up phy ever since i did my paper 3 and 2.oh well. guess im gna take a break from chem and focus on phy and math.

anw so now its just revision revision and more revision. practise papers, practise papers and more practise papers. everyone is stressed out, be it teachers or students. students fervently seeking teachers for consultations that the STI and HUB is always FULL. J2s are all seriously studying alr. no time for joke and play now guys.

okay anw so there was honours night. kinda okay. nt as bad as and boring as rehearsals. bt they printed my class wrongly, like wth. bt i requested for a change, so yea they'll print a new one for me. ended kinda late, ard 9+. plus dinner it was ard 10+. reach home ard 11+. so abt half my class pon sch the nxt day. 14 ppl, think it set a new record for a NORMAL sch day, excluding nats day celebration and etc. kinda pathetic.

then sunday was children's day celebration for the kids in church. we were in charged of game stations. mine was bowling with esther. we used filled 1.5L bottles and honeydew as the ball. it was so hilarious. haha. esp when tommy rolled it so hard that it knocked down the whole row of chairs during the demo, plus the honeydew actually split open! wht a bad demo. hoho. bt it wasn't tht easy afterall cos the bottles are full to the brim, so its really kinda heavy. and for the really small kids, even if their distance is only like a tile away, the really dont have the strength at all to even roll the honeydew. looking at them really shows me how vulnerable lil kids are. bt it makes me feel happy and satisfied and useful, nt tht im stronger than them, bt the fact tht im needed there to take care of them, to teach them, to discipline them, to learn and grow with them. handling kids aint no easy job i must admit, it requires great amt of energy to control and play along with them. its a skill tht comes with experience. yes it is tiring, bt it feels fulfilling (: kids are just so innocent, so pure and adorable <3

during lunch was the shocking news. we received news that our PW teacher mr forrest lim passed away. it came such a shock to us. cos we never knew he had medical problems. so they said he had some medical problems which was heriditary. he had heart attack on wed, went for 18 hrs op on thurs, op was claimed to be successful, bt he passed away a few hours ltr. sigh. and to think i still saw him in sch tht week! so monday came and KC announced it. then we got to know tht he joined AC as a comp tech and decided to teach PW only in 2007, which is to say we're his very first batch of PW students. and in a sense his very grp of PW students which he taught from start to end.

kinda feel bad for this yr's batch of students under him. cos he see them through all the way after WR, OP is whts left. prolly someone will have to take over to mentor the students for PW. bt it'll be like so difficult for the teacher cos he/she will have no idea at all wht the students have been doing and stuff. cos all PW teachers have been with their students right from the start, throughout the whole yr. they'll know how the students progressed, the development of their projects and stuff, they have followed their projects right from the start. so yea you know wht i mean. im sure his students feel distressed and lost too. so im actually kinda honoured to be taught by him, despite us always making fun of him of he looked kinda weird. bt my deepest condolences, he'll be remembered deep down in our hearts for a long time.

ohya and YUEXING flew back from aus and gave all of us a SURPRISE! cos no one knew she was coming back this wk. only her mum knew. her siblings didnt know either until she appeared home on saturday. we were all so happy cos we missed her dearly. and we all thought she was gna make it back only end of nov. she's such an asshole! bt we still love her loads. haha. bt she's only gna be back for a week cos she only has a wk break. so went to chill out with her at starbucks to catch up and stuff. heard many of her stories when she was over in aus. her experiences are always interesting no matter wht cos she made them so.

then tues night went over to her NEW HOUSE for dinner! yea its at international plaza 50th storey. GOSH! its hell big with a freaking high ceiling and lawn! her hse is just so totally cool, dead serious. its super windy at night and so beautiful cos you see the whole city's lights from the hse. plus it oversees the sea too. its just simply AWESOME (: its like she says her dad doesnt allow them wear slippers and shorts down cos its like commercial area, plus her dad's office is downstairs too, how convenient. saying i live upstairs in CBD, how cool.

SATS tmr, kinda GG, thou math is kinda easy, like easier than o lvl. didnt have time prac at all. and english is freaking hard, esp the vocab and all those shit. argh. damn. anw we'll see how it goes, keeping my fingers crossed. plus its hell 4 hrs long. omg. god bless me. bt glad its in AC, an environment im very very familiar with. really thank god for that. sports com, my fav hangout. YEA RIGHT.

5 days to bacalaurate, a month to As.
i pray for strength to carry on.
Lord pls carry me in your mighty hands.

the heart is the first to live;
but the last to die

sept 11

2008-09-11T23:29:00.004+08:00

today is sept 11, lets commemorate the 911 tragedy 7 yrs ago..

anw tmr's gna be dooms day
getting back all our papers at one go
thats like killing 5 birds in a shot
how great
god bless me

keeping my fingers crossed

My heart is empty without you
Sometimes you don't know what you do
And I need you tonight
I'll fall asleep and it's alright
Close my eyes and I'll be by your side

Let's spend tonight on top of the world
And we can do anything,
We can be anything
I'll meet you tonight on top of the world
As real as it seems,
You're only in my dreams

i need a daily dosage of you;

interesting post prelims

2008-09-07T23:12:00.002+08:00

okay im finally here to update. im really so sorry. thou im like so super free this sept hols. bt im just so lazy to blog. kinda cant be bothered. bt think i still shld log in some events tt happened. which guess i'll be more than glad to read abt it once again in future. so here it is (:

okay lets date back all the way to prelims. just a short take on it dont worry.
GP kinda screwed. think my essay was crap, plus the fact that think almost the whole cohort did the same qns -_-''' compre was tough. esp the summary. cos it was on media and politics and its just fringging hard to paraphrase it cos its all those political words tht you just dont know how to rephrase it. damn. and AQ was freaking 2 qns. wth. oh screw it.

econs essay was a piece of cake cos its like on negative externalities. everyone will nail it. bt thts e point. every knows it so well tht i becomes so hard gt a gd grade. i dont mind if everyone gets a gd grade for it (: bt case study was kinda GG. marks allocation for 2nd case study is like 6,4,10,10. like wth. thts crap man. and it was on terms of trade. how i wish i really knew wht was it abt. oh well bt i tried, with whtever i knew, or i THOUGHT i knew rather. lets just cross our fingers for this bit.

math was another headache. its just so depressing. having tuition doesnt seem to be making things any better(so shld i stop it? is it just like a way to relief myself tht since im having tuition, i will do fine IN TIME TO COME) oh well when's tht gna be? february 30th? i'd really be god's grace if i can even scrap a PASS. thou thts pretty much wht im aiming for now at least. stats, complex and vectors seem to be my biggest problems. i dno why, bt i just dno how to do. guess i cant really apply the concepts well into the weird qns. guess i seriously need hell lot more prac to ensure i know the concepts really really well. and really understand the concepts, and nt just memorise the formulae or steps to tackle qns. bt smth kept me really happen was tht i cld do the ant qns! well it was only 4 marks and took up quite some time. was it worth it? i dno. bt still, conquering tt qns gave me sense of achievement (:

chem was pretty okay i guess. in fact i felt it was the best among all the other sub. like i can do, a few blanks here and there. time was tight bt i managed to complete most of them, or at least like gt thru every qns. just tht mcq kinda screwed up. think i did too slowly and organic chem kinda deproved. as in like concepts werent tht strong cos we kinda focused more on the rest towards the prelims cos we had a lot of prac for organic chem alr previously. so yea. guess mcq prac is wht i need. needa revise more on organic too. seriously, it was so bad tht think i might actually fail mcq. argh. damn it man. p2 and p3 was kinda okay luh, and i just had to screw p1. if nt a B for chem is possible. bt now, nt really likely anymore ):

lastly and the most disappointing one, PHYSICS. sigh. seriously, i dno whts gt into me man. i wanted to do well for phy so badly tht i actually screw it totally. it was so similar to the mock we had. and yet i just failed myself. and i seriously hate kinematics. thought its supposed to be like the easiest or one of my better topics cos its like a relapse frm sec3 work. bt somehow dang. i always couldnt gt kinematics right. screw it luh. argh. so annoying! i did lasers qns as usual and guess i lost 14 on it alr cos i just couldnt finish! guess im like one of the rare ones who did tht qns. most did the electric current qns. well maybe i shld have taken a chance on tht instead. cos there were more calculations while the lasers its like almost all explanations. bt cos i did it for mock. and lasers its actually kinda standard as long as you know whts going on. its just copy and paste. bt time is wht you need. and in times of panic, it just makes it all worse cos i pretty much cant think properly anymore. whereas for electric current, cos i wasnt really sure of tht topic cos it was a topic which none of us paid much attention to cos it was like the last topic of J1 and its pretty much O lvl stuff too. bt tht one you really needa read your notes before you know whts gg on. yea so i didnt take chances on tht once i saw the lasers qns, i sorta just jumped on it. guess i shld have better time management.

p2 wasnt any better, esp the data analysis. it was just a total blow off. okay yea i didnt have time as usual and so i didnt really read all the stuff carefully and properly, sorta just jumped to the qns. bt since its DATA RESPONSE, well obviously i needa read the data carefully in order to understand whts going on. and data analysis is very much dependent on application of concepts, which we're all weak at. argh. to hell with it luh. as for the kinematics qns, i couldnt do it again. bt i was so pissed cos i counted smth wrongly luh. worst part is tt i didnt even draw the graph when i could have cos the values are alr given! damn it man. i really hate myself. just kill me man.

p1 was kinda better, bt somehow it seems like i do have quite a lot of mistakes after comparing with my friends. well yea we dno who's right and stuff, bt i dont really have a gd feeling abt my answers simply cos i'm always wrong luh. im just never at the upper hand in such circumstances. so i resign to fate. i really really pray tht i wouldnt get a U, which might really be my fate if i face reality. sigh. i cant believe i can actually gt a U for phy man. i've nv gotten a U for it. ahhh! save my soul! oh god pls have mercy on me. i believe it takes a miracle for me to pass phy.

im making such a din abt phy simply cos im actually thinking abt aerospace engineering. bt it'd be a real joke for a person who's thinking abt aerospace to actually fail phy. its total bullshit man. yes i really really want it badly. bt then it got me thinking. why of all subjects, PHYSCIS? i was thinking it might be a sign from god, telling me tht aerospace its nt the path he has planned for me. i really dno. im really lost. can someone enlighten me? oh god pls give me another sign. shall pray hard abt it.

post-prelims:

wed:
went lunch with class at cine hk cafe. then shopped for tchers' day gifts! yes town was flooded with AC ppl cos sci fac ended prelims on wed. it feels gd to hang out with the class once again (: the girls went to watch movie while the guys joined me and XW cos she didnt wanna watch, so i accompanied her. gt mrs yap a thermo mug, ms S - cup and i think its a costa( bt im nt sure ) saying 'goddnes with an attitude' hell cool. haha. mr K - interesting book. DK - new metal box to put his markers! its damn nice okay! hope he'll bring it to class! haha. we left out LCH cos he's away for reservice, plus we dont really like him. oops =x bookstores like kino and borders are kinda fun to hangout cos theres such so much things to look at - books, cards, notebooks and those lil stuff, CDs, DVDs and wht not. then dinner at food republic with some of them. yea so hang ard town almost the whole day cos our phy p1 was only 1hr15min, aft which we headed straight for town. tiring, feeld gd thou (:

thurs:
study khakhis went to XW hse to give her a birthday surprise! yea met at woodlands to buy cake. it was so exciting cos we had to make sure she's still home. somehow stan managed to do it by asking seriously retarded dumb qns like hows the weather over at her hse. seriously, we laughed our ass off luh. its damn hilarious. bt it was fun and cool. we light the candles and press doorbell and sing happy birthday when she opened the door. birthday surprise a success! she was dumbfounded, seriously. took a vid, bt cant really see her shocked exp luh. bt we all know she is. lols. hang ard her hse for a while. then she had to leave to meet her friends who're celebrating her birthday too. bt guess she just loves us so much tht she cant be bothered even thou she's alr hell late. we even played arcade first. hoho. xuewen FTW! (:

then went town to shop for friend's gift and gifts for RV tchers. bt i seriously dno wht to gt, so left the job to huihui since she's out shopping too. i was a precious thoughts and it was so annoying cos whtever i wanna gt, there isnt stock! argh. went to made with love it was a rocking shop man. all the stuff are so nice. spent hell long in there cos i didnt know wht to gt cos theres so many choices and i cant possibly buy much cos its damn ex okay, plus i still dno wht to do for her. so in the end i got the kit thing with a lil of everything inside. tht solves everything. its a sweet shop for ppl who have money and passion for DIY stuff cos its really nice. as i the materials itself is nice, plus DIY stuff you can make it really really nice and pretty. wish i had more money and patience and creativity.

fri:
tchers' day celebrations. kinda cool. tchers were happy to see tht we have lil smth for them cos we didnt gt them last yr. then waited hell long for ppl to gather before gg back RV. RV was rocking on tchers' day man this yr. cos they had some inter-class games thing. so when we gt back it was alr like 11+ 12, bt the sch was still full of ppl! tchers' was playing, students was playing. it was a lovely sight (: mrs lee slimed down a hell lot, she's been exercising and watching her diet. seeing my homies just feels so heart-warming. love them loads (: talked quite a bit to a few tchers and it felt kinda gd talking to them now. it feels kinda different, somehow. i dno how to explain it bt it just feels like friends talking to each other. its a kinda different perspective i guess. gave weiting a lil surprise for her birthday in advance. she's such a lovely girl (: talked to AC and found out tht she's leaving nxt year! awww. its really sad cos it means we wont see her anymore nxt time we go back ): wanted to chat with her a lil longer bt she had a game going on, plus we had to leave cos the rest are like waiting for us alr. sigh. really wanted to stay on to talk to her. bt nvm we shall make an effort to meet up this christmas or smth for a dinner or smth. yes we will.

lunch at je kfc. been so long ever since i went there with my homies again, well a few of them. it was our hang out. we just had so much to talk abt, abt recent stuff, olympics, embracing NS, and just simply catching up. so walk to IMM, found a place to sit a talk. it really felt so gd, just talking, crapping, catching up and hanging out and stuff. yea i miss all of them. talking to them feels different too. feels like everyone is really growing up. feels nostalgic. bt im happy (: left the area and walked ard. we kept stopping to talk! lols. its like every 5 steps we'll stop and talk in a circle. so funny luh. haha. walked back to mrt to pass simin her phone back cos she actually left it with huihui while she went for tuition. so muddle-headed. was in pop while waiting for her. then when she came, we stood in pop and started talking again. haha. its never ending man. bt this is e grp of friends which will stay close in our hearts for a long long time. i know tht for sure (: we'll meet up again, hopefully after their prelims, then catch up and talk again. heh heh <3

okay its getting late, okay its actually almost 1 alr. and guess i shld slp cos sch starts tmr! well i better gt myself prepared to face a new war as results will be out. well just have to see how it goes cos prelims is a done deal alr. ohya i got the service award for honours' night! yay! so much for my passion for entree (: okay i will blog abt RSAF open hse and nike 10k run and the mini hagen 'concert' at my church tmr i PROMISE! kudos! (:

lil' kids are really a joy <3

your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
you know you're unlike any other
you'll always be my thunder
your eyes are the brighest of all the colours
i wont ever love another

prelims prelims prelims

2008-08-11T00:32:00.001+08:00

31 July:

had phy paper 1 mock. guess it wasnt really THAT hard, just that lack practice. and some concepts still aint very sure, esp for modern phy. sch ended early cos we shifted GP up again. wanted to play tennis bt the PE tchers didnt want to lend us, cos they dont really know us cos none of them knew us well, hence didnt really trust us. and mr and mrs tan aint ard. sigh. SAD.

stayed in sch to study and consult santosh regarding phy. he's really superb man. its like really everything is at his fingertips. really look up to him. well, afterall he didnt get into MIT by CHANCE. stayed till 9+, thank god huihui's parents picked us up and fetched me home. they're always so lovely and nice to send me home (: and attendance is getting bad. 5 absentees. 7 absentees the nxt day, and im one of them. hoho.

2nd aug:

phy paper 3 mock was kinda okay. except tht i needa go memorise all my definitions properly. and read up abt quantum again. and somehow we all werent in the right state of mind, and got kinda restless towards to end of our paper, which was only 2 hrs in duration. then met mum at city hall for SHOPPING! cos needa get a dress for some formal dinner at fullerton. was damn happy cos i finally got a black halter dress. love it to bits <3> got some accessories to go with it. so did mum. went on shopping for shoes, shoes and more shoes. saw many pretty pretty shoes, esp HEELS! yes they do hurt, bt its really really nice! bt its so annoying cos its hard to gt shoes to fit my size ): maybe that settles my dilemma of buying them or not. but its been eons ever since i shopped for such long hours, like wht 1-7? its feels good to shop EXCESSIVELY haha.

5th aug:

went for aunty elsa's bithday celebration dinner at FULLERTON. omg it was hell nice and grand (: buffet dinner. way cool. very first time dining in there. she was so dolled up, haha. sat with bro, mun, jen. food was so so, bt the desserts were heaven. esp the cheesecake! omg i just love cheesecake so much. played some stupid games. oh ya they hired two violinist to play the birthday song. oh man, its so sweet and lovely. haha. the aunties made she and her husband kiss. it was so hilarious. haha. then photo-taking. gotta thank god for her. cos she's been really really nice to my family. it's simply god's blessings (:

6th aug:

was contemplating to go ach for nats celebrations or not. cos more than half the J2s wouldnt turn up. and like kinda waste time. time is so precious now. bt still went in the end, considering this would be my last nats celebration in a school context. half my class turned up. initially they put extra chairs in front of lt1, in the end they removed all of them and ask the J1s, who were pushed back due to choir and band taking the front space, to move up to the lt1 seats. as well as the ppl at the balcony to move to lt1, and ask everyone to move down lt1 so it wouldnt seem so empty. they even turned off the back lights. yeah its THAT bad.

bt glad i went. cos it felt good doing mass singing again (maybe the last), cos we didnt have that last yr cos it was 1ACS celebrations. all the national day songs were so reminiscing (: in fact im nt really familiar with the newer ones anymore, bt they're nice too. we only had the simply ceremony of carrying the flag in. miss those good old days in sec sch, where the UG grps wld march in and stuff, and it was so much more, err national day feeling, you get wht i mean. all the synchronised marching, and the stamping of feet during serdia and senandiri (however you spell that) just sounded so good. haha.

we all stayed back to support stanley and alvin for their napfa. both of them passed! YAY! stanley passed his jump, like finally. and it wasnt 222 on the dot, it was at least like 225. he was like YES! he was freaking happy man, after like wht 4 months? previously his max was like 221, and all of a sudden, he managed like 6 more cm. he said it must be god, he felt god's presence. HAHA. yeah i believe so too. To God be the Glory (: and alvin managed to pass his 2.4 too! mere 9 sec away from bronze. phew! wht a happy day (: went lunch at JP. then played at toys'r us. haha. it was damn fun and funny, as we played with all the toys. we're so amused by the toys kids have nowadays. seriously, kids are getting more and more fortunate man. never had those in my days. didnt catch movie with the guys cos i felt guilty for hanging out alr, when i ought to be home studying ):

7th aug:

study leave for the nxt 2 days for J2s. had GP consult in the morn. went WCP mac with xuewen to study. rj and stan joined ltr. was very noisy cos think some Uni having orientation over there. oh wells i still did some work. rush off for tuition at 7. and guess wht, the tutor ask me and mr colin to get him a raw chicken cos he's boiling chicking soup, but didnt have enough chicken. WTP. we searched the whole area, and decided to go shop and save. took us quite a while cos it was so dark and we're nt really familiar with that area. so tuition started at like 8. omg. bt at least he gave each of us a bowl of his chicken soup, after all our hardwork in getting the chicken. LOLS.

8th aug:

went all the way to WOODLANDS to xw's hse to study, with the usual ppl. cos since she went all the way to WCP on wed, so i shall be nice and travel this time. wasnt really productive i guess, cos her hse too many distractions alr, esp her hamsters, they're fringging CUTE! esp the one that wont bite. she has like dozens of them luh, serious! cos they reproduced and stuff, yeah. then towards evening, we went down to throw for a while, as in frisbee. rushed home to catch the olympics opening! very grand, very nice. but it got kinda boring after a while, until the countries started coming out. bt it was a hell long list of countries man. was like falling aslp while waiting SG to come out luh. it took more than 2 hrs for SG to come out luh. omg. li jia wei flag bearer, as expected. federer was the flag bearer for switz! saw kobe bryant! woohoo. and i got to know a lot of countries previously i never knew of or even heard of, esp the african countries. but they're really black, no offence, just a random statement. well, wht a spectacular night for beijing (: and 08.08.08. wht a memorable day to rmb this 21st century, this 2nd millenium (: 8000 couples tieing the knot in beijing. next year's 09.09.09 will not lose out either! HAHA. the next one will be a 1000 years ltr!

9th aug:

happy national day! 43rd year of independence (: stayed home to mug. watched the parade. black knights were simply awesome! i wanna attend the parade at the floating platform at least once! its really nice, esp at night, esp since its right beside the flyer! gosh, the flyer just looks really pretty at night, with the changing coloured lights. then plus the fireworks and the mini fountain works. breathless. bt sadly it was drizzling during the earlier part. all the participants and performers had to bear the rain ): Guard of Honour contingent looked awesome, must be so proud to be one (:

10th aug:

olympics is evil! argh. its such a great temptation and distraction! esp since we just changed to digital cable tdy, which means 6 channels of olympics. this is really bad. i would rather we change it after prelims, bt this means we'll miss out on olympics. argh. caught volleyball ytd. JAP-USA. scores were tight, both were great. US managed to pull it off 3-1. its was a cool match, esp the spikes and the saves from the spikes. and trying to get every ball, no matter how far it went. the JAPs were great at tht. and the girls are hell tall man. i bet they're more or less near 2m, or at least 1.8, serious. their limbs are just so long luh, gosh. bt i realised each team will have at least 1 significantly shorter one, who will play the back defense, which means the one who'll always save the spikes. obviously its easier for a shorter person to reach the ground first aye.

watched bball just now. China-USA. 101-70 to USA. expected USA to win. but you really can see the difference between an American team, and an Asia team. almost every American shot was a dunk, and it was really so cool. and the speed they had, was really way past the Chinese. Kobe Bryant and Jason Kidd were AWESOME - my all time favs. LeBron James was great too. Dwight Howard had the most points -19. gosh im starting to like watching basketball! actually theres so many stuff i wanna watch, like swimming - one of my favs, gymnasym and synchronised swimming! HAHA! damn, but i shall be good and refrain from it. so i wont be staying home to study this period, cant afford to sacrifice prelims.

bt i've been kinda good these few days, haven been turning on the com at all! yeah, so i miss talking to mr tofu. but he wont be lonely anw luh, he always has his belle and stephy. HOHO. oh well, or prolly he's busy studying too. anw hope you're doing fine mr tofu, study hard too! dont miss me! HAHA! well, he's somehow always been the one reminding me of god all these while. yeah, so i admit, have been putting all my focus on studying, that i do kinda forget about god at times. so church today kinda made me feel guilty, as i realised i kinda forgot abt god thru this wk. it reminded me to stay close to HIM, or i'll distant away in no time, esp in times of need, when i dont feel HIS presence cos i stopped seeking.

So Daddy God, hope you'll send angels to pop by my side at times to remind me of my weaknesses, and that they're made perfect in you. And that i cant do this all alone, i need your daily supply of strength and grace to help me pull thru everything. Please watch over me and my friends thru this period, every step of the way. Thank you Daddy God (:

okay back to studying now, tuition again ltr.
prelims TOMORROW - GENERAL PAPER

god bless me;
god i really pray for
strength;
wisdom;
peace;
keep me in your prayers mr tofu!

confused.lost

2008-07-29T21:48:00.007+08:00

okay, havent really been updating abt the past wk.

phy paper 2 mocks ytd was kinda crap man. wasnt prepared at all i must say. oh well. its time to pay more attention to physics! mcq mock on thurs and paper 3 on sat. sigh. mug mug MUG.

finally can slp in last sat cos no mocks! bt guess its just for 1 wk cos theres phy mock thie coming sat! ): had movie screening for fellowship - 5 people you meet in heaven. really nice and meaningful movie i must say. kinda have a feeling i watched it before cos thruout the movie, certain scenes just look way familiar. feels like dejavu. hoho. nothing we do in this universe is too small in GOD's eyes (: Everything happens for a reason, we might nt realise it now, bt we'll find out sooner or later in life.

Friday played tennis before PE. so basically i was playing from 2 all the way till 430. and we played badminton for PE. no matter how much i preferred tennis over badminton, when i got on court, i realised i missed badminton just as much. missed all those trg with my homies. all the crazy footwork, the lobing, netting, dropping, smashing, lifting, taking big strides in our footwork to ensure we move to the corners of the court fast enough and manage to get every shot. it just feels good to be doing smth tht im familiar with again. tht reminds me i havent re-string my racquet yet! shall get it done soon. but the prob is i dno wht tension string shld i gt eh. cos previously gt my coach to help to re-string it.

wed had local uni fair in house and talks. oh well. scholarships and universities has really set me thinking, about wht i really want. sadly which, i've still yet to find a definite answer. i've been praying really hard for directions, bt i dont see a sign yet. gosh. time's running short man. bt guess theres nth much i can do either other than keeping to my faith. HE will work all things out in the end. ohyea, went for entree handover, yes new exco is finally out. so presenting to you the new entree council exco 2008:

President: Nicholas
Vice-President: Ernest
Secretary: Adrienna
Treasurer: Cai Bei
Asst. Treasurer: Hui Ping
Project Manager: Wenyao
Public-Relations: Dung
Welfare: Daniel

Management Committee:
Creative Manager: Thanh
Marketing Manager: Ke Jun
Multimedia Manager: Jing Chuen

freaking 11 posts. no fair man. bt he management committee sounds damn cool, esp marketing manager. HOHO (: well, really hope they'll build on our legacy and bring entree to greater heights (:

mon had phy chem mcq test. crap man. phy chem mcq is seriously tough! even K says its never easy! 25/40. my class ave was 26. i fell short of ave. oh well. i need more prac! yes so i bought the 1000 mcq prac book by CS Toh. $22.50, hell ex man. wht surprised us most was tht the matchstick topped it off with 36! omgosh. seriously. he's hell clever, just tt previously he was busy with cca and didnt really bothered abt studying and stuff. now tht he is down with serious studying, it shows tht he's scholar material, serious. he can and will do really well. we all forsee he'll gt straight As. oh man. the world is just unfair. some ppl are just born smarter than the others. bleah.

sunday went for overseas university and scholarship fair with huihui. oh man. makes me so wanna study overseas! think i will if i can get a scholarship. seriously, im so hyped up to study overseas. its the experience tht i wanna gain. dont really have any universities in mind yet though cos i dno wht universities are famous for wht courses, or rather i dont really know wht i want yt. thou i have certain courses in mind alr - aerospace/ psychology. hospitality and management sounds fun too. and tht i know for sure cornell is top notch for hospitality. and UPenn is good for economics if im nt wrong.

wht attracted me most was the RSAF scholarship. 6 yrs bond thou. bt its my field of interest so i dont mind. bt whether the job itself is smth i enjoy is a different story. the officer said 3A1B, 90% will get the scholarship for females cos nt many females apply for it. personally, i've always find air force way cool, esp fighter planes. and aviation communication, yes theres a vocation related to tht for RSAF. and many transfer to commercial airlines aft their bond, i wld love tht. oh man, i seriously want tht so badly! black knights here i come! woohoo!

however i checked out the web and it said minimum 11 academic units, and i only have 10, so crap. tht sorted shattered my dreams, totally ): i told huihui, bt she said, might nt necessarily be impossible, as long as we have a good portfolio. come to think of it, actually dont think i have an outstanding portfolio either ): bt well, im nt giving up hope yt. i mean who knows right. just try and see how luh. bt i really hope 11 units wld nt be my obstacle, if nt it'll be damn sad, seriously. how rare for a lady to have such passion for planes and serving the country right. oh wells. hoho!

yeah im dying to study overseas, which means i'll need to take my SATS. so latest is by OCT! cos nov theres As, and Dec kinda too late i suppose? cos most US/UK applications close in dec. and if i dont gt my SATS scores in time, i'll have to wait one whole year! yeah so guess i better go reg for SATS soon! bt kinda scared i dont have enough time to prepare. thou prelims are way over by then, bt it'll be so near As! and still needa mug for As aft prelims luh. afterall As is the real thing man. so guess i'll start SATS prep right aft prelims, laxing a bit for As prep first, i mean prelims just ended, i ought to take a break too right!

shopped ard for a while as we waited for huihui's brother to pick us up. YES he can drive alr! with his gf at the front seat. damn cool luh! i want a boyfriend who can drive me ard too! hoho (:

last last sat had GP mock. kinda crap. dont think i wrote well for essay. compre didnt even complete my AQ. whts new man. then went to attend wedding at church. hmmm nth much abt tht cos was friend's sibling, so dont really know them well. bt it was nice overall. well weddings are always nice. haha.

take extra good care of yourself mr tofu!
stop making me worried man!

its 13 days to prelims;
god bless me

there's someone i wanna grow old with (:

mr tofu!

2008-07-24T01:20:00.000+08:00

i miss talking to mr tofu ):

i'm proud to be a blood donor!

2008-07-18T20:02:00.005+08:00

omg i was so pissed ytd cos my internet died on me! then i realised my brother's internet died too. he say prolly is the router's problem. so irritating! it was like one whole night w/o internet, no MSN, no tofu! i almost died man, seriously. currently its still nt fixed, so yea im tapping onto someone's internet! oops =x haha.

i hereby proclaim: I AM PROUD TO BE A BLOOD DONOR! haha. YES, i donated blood today! went straight aft GP. didnt know it wld take so long cos there was a queue cos there were many donors too! so first station was to check if my vein is suitable for blood donation. 2nd was to fill up this 'declaration form'. 3rd was registration counter where they enter your particulars. then have to queue to see the doctor, which is basically taking your temperature and blood pressure. and omg my temp was 37.4 degrees! thats kinda high bt still fine. yeah bt i do know my normal temp is naturally higher than most ppl. like during temp. taking, my normal temp is like 37.2/37.3 degrees. YES, i know i'm HOT by nature. HAHA! okay so 5th was testing my blood if there's enough iron. its kinda cool. they take blood from the finger, then test it in copper(II) sulphate. its so interesting cos its like smth related to the chemistry i've learnt. so if the drop of blood floats, it means its lacking in iron; if it sinks, there's sufficient iron. and i saw mine sink, so YAY! haha. whts exactly the theory and reasoning behind this implication, i dno. bt it feels that im supposed to know cos iron and CuSO4 sounds like a familiar relationship. haha. oh wells.

then comes the last stop, which is the main station - the blood donation station. i was led to some bed, well it isnt exactly a bed, well whtever you call that. as i was waiting for someone to attend to me, i was really scared, seriously. maybe cos i'm a first timer. i really wished someone was there beside me, with me. almost teared. tried looking frantically for huihui bt couldnt find her. called her, bt no answer. glad that she called me back soon. she said she was still in the hub. really thank god she was still there. it felt a hell lot better after seeing her, and hearing her words of encouragement that its okay and i dont have to be afraid. it really acted as a stabilizer for me, and i know that i aint facing this alone. this made me further realise how insignificant one's own ability is, and how no man's an island, and just how much i'm dependent on my friends. its just sad that i dont have friends who'd go to the ends of the world for me, well at least not in my class. and yeah so i was there all alone, while the rest went for PE.

im scared of injections, bt nt to the extent of phobia. bt its really ironic. cos yet im sorta like anticipating the moment when nurse's gna inject me. well nt anticipating cos of excitment, bt to make myself mentally prepared for the pain that comes along. luckily she used the gauze to cover before injecting. 1st it was the painkillers, but it wht that hurts and stings, but was for a while only. after that it went numb i guess since i dont even feel the 2nd needle going in for the blood transfer. before i know it, i see my blood going thru the tubes into the bag. hoho. for a moment i really feel so proud of myself cos i cannot believe im actually donating blood! it felt really great! haha. okay then pump pump pump, the nurse was quite weird cos dno why she kept asking me if i was feeling okay.

when my bag was ard 3/4 filled, my vision started to darken and blur out, and my ears start to block out all the noises and sounds ard me, felt giddy and awful. the nurse came ard again, i dno how she knew, bt prolly my face colour changed, last thing i heard was she calling for help, then i passed out. the next thing i know when i regained consciousness is that the bed was lowered and i was lying down straight, and the nurse was putting the bandage ard my hand alr. thou it was only for a very short moment that i passed out, bt it was really scary, cos its like i dno whts happening to me. cos i didnt see anyone having to lie down there after donating blood. then the doc came ard to check my condition, took my blood pressure again, then said its prolly cos i didnt have a proper meal, or didnt have enough water, and asked me to lie and rest for a while first, in case i pass out again ltr.

apparently like their whole crew knew tht i passed out cos as i got outta bed and walk towards to tables to get drinks and biscuits, every nurse that saw me asked if i was feeling better. haha. oh man, i kinda feel so ashamed and lousy. passing out on my first blood donation. bleah. then i saw this other guy passing out too. then his friends went over to see if he was okay. i kinda felt sour, wished there was someone there for me too when i regained consciousness. oh well. on 2nd thought, maybe it was better tht no one was there to witness the weaker side of me, which not many ppl know of, and which i dont really want ppl to know of. anw so the whole process took me like 1.5 hours! ohya the guy who passed out was thanh's friend and i told him i passed out too, then he said he think he will pass out too cos he didnt have proper meal either. ltr during the day when i saw him again aft his blood donation, i asked him so if he passed out, and he say he did pass out. kinda funny. knowing he'll pass out he still went ahead. haha.

oh man, i realised it was such a long and detailed recount on my blood donation experience. HAHA! anw we celebrated Chriswini's birthday too at cafe! happy 19th yo! its been ages since we all stayed back and hang ard in sch as a class. feels good (:

okay anw back to thurs, 'half day' due to A levels chi listening compre. but it doesnt make a big diff for me cos my usual thurs ends at 210, missed GP. so technically, went sch for only chem tut, math tut and phy lect -_-" stayed in sch and played 'weiqi' and reverse with luci. kinda fun. i realised i have no strategy or whtsoever when playing these strategic games. LOLS! luci was not bad, MR CK was bravo, he had a lot of tactics and tricks when playing these games. and i was like WOW, cos every step he made, i was lost, i had no idea why at all. okay prolly strategic games just aint my cup of tea. then studied in the hub, had tuition at night.

wed wasnt feeling well, so stayed home and slpt till 1pm. omgosh. but sleep was excellent (:

mon had SC investiture. kinda sad as the 32nd SC stepped down and hand over. the 33rd council pres kinda left a deep impression on us, cos he actually cant even rmb his 4-lines pledge, wht a disappointment. but it was emotional and all as the stepped down pres made her speech, yeah tears and stuff. well most of them were crying as they walk down the hall, with the new council standing on both sides of the hallway. cos initially it was the other way round, the new council walked into the hall with the previous council standing on both sides of the hallway. its kinda like you know inviting the new council in and farwell the previous council out. sigh, baccalaurate's will come in no time.

our lovely yuexing left for aus on monday too! really sad that i couldnt send her off! ): afterall its 4 months before having her ard again. i miss her badly ): but glad she's settled down alr and everything is cool. she and tim are seriously so cute and sweet and lovely luh. haha. what bliss (:

on sunday, deacon daniel soh invited youths over to his hse for dinner and sharing. he was talking to us abt how we shld be passionate abt our religion when we're young, and continue to try to keep that passion and flame burning in us as we grow up and move on into the next stage of our lives when we graduate and step into the workforce. and like how do we keep our morals and values right, and keep out faith and stand firm in facing the world of temptations and even greater temptations as we grow up. kinda inspiring. i admit he's one inspiring leader of the church. and the food was great, as usual. he feeds us well, and never fails to. haha (:

movie screening in church on sat, watched a chinese movie 'love is...' its in canto with chi subtitles. its funny and yet close to heart. cos it touched the different kind of problems we face in love relationships in 3 different generations - the young, the couple, the old. the young one is about how passionate we are about our boy/girlfriends, that we often think we cant live w/o him/her, how they mean the whole world to us. the couple one is about how marriage is not a bed of roses, passionate love does die away with them, bt its all about understanding, tolerance, acceptance, faith and trust. the old one is about letting go cos in the movie the old man died, but the old lady was still very upset abt it after many years. its a very very touching movie i must say, really highly recommended cos the message it's trying to bring across was how GOD's love is eternal, and how our love between ppl shld be built upon god's love, its way much easier to manage and handle and sustain. its really amazing how god's love works in our lives. cos thru HIS love, we're able to look past ppl's weakness and lackings, and make them complete IN HIS love. in life, we're constantly learning how to love and let go, neither of them is easy, and neither are we able to complete grasp the art of it, not until we're re-united with the LORD.

best part was that one of the female lead in the movie came to our church that day, so its kinda funny. you see her sitting at the first row, then you see her in the movie. wonder how does she feel. watching her movie with everyone.haha. then she shared too abt her process of accepting christ and how her life changed ever since. she brought her 2 lil boys too. she had 1 more boy, bt think was only 2 yrs old, kinda hard to bring ard. bt oh man, 3 boys, and she still look gorgeous. seriously, she's pretty, elegant, glamourous. maybe its the Lord's light that's shining upon her (:

okay maybe i shld slp soon, cos there's GP mock tmr! ah SUCKS! bt my family just ordered macs delivery! should i eat should i eat? but its like supper, super unhealthy, but...argh.. haha.

and tofu isnt online! or nt online YET. i dno. got lots to talk abt, thou its only been one night. but just that one night, he's gt lots to spill alr. hoho. anw attending a wedding in church tmr too. busy busy day.

maybe its 23 days to prelims ):

i wanna be your bestfriend forever;
nothing more i can ask for (:

thank you (:

2008-07-12T16:32:00.003+08:00

yuexing's farewell dinner was okay. expected more ppl to turn up. anw we had some steamboat buffet. variety was kinda little. but it was fun. we laughed a hell lot. haha. oh man, im gonna miss my dear yuexing so much when she's gone! she's always been the sunshine of our days, the loudest person ard, simply just the joy of our lives. life wld been so much more boring and quiet w/o her ard. sigh. nvm i still have carmen and esther (: but take care yuexing! you shld save up to buy more 'gus' over at aus! we love you and you'll be missed DEARLY. she's nt even gone yet, but cant wait for her to be back in nov, summer break. cant wait for her to fill us in her interesting life alone in aus. bet it'll be the most interesting and entertaining ever. hoho. and i'll post the photos nxt time.

pushed friday's PE up to 2 and so we have the courts. so we played TENNIS! yay! love of my life. haha. but getting kinda rusty, havent been playing for quite some while alr. bt it just refreshes me so much. i just love the feeling of being on court; swinging the racket with all my might to make each shot my best shot; running to get every shot; sweating it all out; and owning the court - feels like im king (: hope we get to do tennis for the rest of pe! sigh. but nt unless we have the courts! ):

went to je lib to mug econs with xuewen. yeah im really darn slow, she keeps asking me to read faster. haha. met mum at IMM for dinner. so by the time i got home its alr 9. sigh. so tired. still had to chiong econs. argh. just as when i felt like dying, mr tofu came to the rescue, as usual. haha. i really dno is it by chance or wht, but you were just always there when i needed someone. you're like my walking bible. you always manage to give me hope in desperation; motivation when im just on the verge of giving up; and save me from the edge of the cliff. and i really feel so bad for making you stay up when you're so sleep deprived alr and you had such a longgg ago. you dont have to, really. dont make me feel like an asshole. haha. but that was really REALLY appreciated. and it feels kinda cool, ppl staying up for me. my ass. hoho. sometimes, i really wish i knew you like 10 yrs ago. someone i wld never give up in exchange for anything, not even the world, nt even your cousin. im serious. haha. so, please feel honoured. HAHA (:

so i managed to stay up and mug till ard 5+ before dozing off a lil. well at least my macro econs were more or less covered. but how much did all those came to my mind during the mock is a total different story. overall felt that the mock was okay, taking into consideration the amt of preparation i had and that this is our very first full 3 hr paper we sat for. hell long. but it felt okay, looking at how much we had to write. 2 case studies + 1 essay. and lucky that the 2 choose 1 essay, 1 was micro, the other was macro. just many a times i didnt know wht else to write. and it didnt feel like i wld know wht to write if i studied my micro. well i dno, guess i really needa prac and learn how to answer the qns. well see how it goes luh. but glad i didnt take h2, cos its 2h 15min for 3 essays! gosh. thats like crazy. and luci said most only managed to finish 2! bt well thts h2, has to be much more demanding. felt brain drain aft the paper.

it felt like 1 paper down, but it suddenly occured to me that it was only a mock, not even prelims. the race havent even started, or its just going to start. oh man this is just the beginning. gosh!

gotta run now. off to church. theres movie screening and sharing! woo hoo! asked many friends along, but none of them are free ): coincidentally, at least 4 of them are celebrating their friends birthday. woah. so many july babies eh. haha.

thanks a million;
mr tofu (:

let go; let GOD

2008-07-10T18:12:00.002+08:00

okay updates updates. have been so busy and tired the past week. finally have the time to blog. not exactly free/extra time. but just have decided to really blog. cos everyday i've opened like the blogger posting page alr, but just nv get started. cos i keep telling myself okay i'll blog later, i'll blog later cos knowing i take years to finish an entry, so i decided to study first and blog later. but somehow 'later' never came. LOLS.

anw sunday went choir concert at the esplanade. it was good i guess. i saw JIAYI! then theres still singalong session. guess those few guys behind me were from choir cos they kept saying okay shall we prac in parts now, like during the intermission. then i was like...okay...then SR Nathan came. YES HE CAME. how honoured. anw really gotta thank KEEANN for accompanying me to the concert! cos huihui pangseh-ed me. lols. i felt kinda bad cos he looked kinda bored. bt he said it was okay, only bored at SOME TIMES. haha. really thanks a million dude!

got home and watched tennis with bro. omg the match was freaking 4h 46 min! plus it rained so got postponed a lil. we started watching like before 12 and it only ended at ard 5. wth. bt federer lost! damn sad! i've wanted him to win so badly man. he's my all time favourite. he's just legendary. 5 times wimbeldon champion, who can get there man. he was like losing 2 games alr. he fought really hard and won the next 2 games. then last set lost with 7-9. ahh. so close! bt i admire his perseverence and tenacity, never giving up thou hopes on him looked way bleak. cos somehow he was kinda off-form. having like 1001 unforced errors. i was like wth, got so pissed at times man. seriously. his unforced errors are like twice that of nadal's. if not for those, bet he wld have won long long ago.

youth day was boring. stayed home to study. wasnt very productive. but sleep was good. slpt like a pig till 12? bt considering i slpt only at like 5? so that makes 7 hrs only. not very incredible, but good enough. hoho. tues hazel abandoned me cos she was so tired plus her phone went flat. so i mugged with rj and stanley. yeah thank god they're there. went home with huihui. its been ages since i last went home with her man. miss those good old days. i still love her loads (:

wed did gp essay. i was kinda satisfied, taking into account i only thought of 1 point the previous night cos was trying to study for energetics too. chem test was okay, but somehow i got only 4.5 outta 20. damn man. shld have done the last organic qns first, it was so easy! and i knew he wld ask the water energetics qns, i knew it! it was from tutorial. i even purposely read it right before the test, but somehow i couldnt rmb wht was going on, maybe i needa understand whats happening first. the paper wasnt hard i swear. but guess K was damn anal in giving marks man. its like dont have exact words than ZERO. wth. argh! bt its okay, at least we all know we do know how to do them, just needa refine our answers a lil. had to hand in math file too. like whts this man, we just knew it ytd. but okay fine, my work are all in a file alr, so cool.

studied with hazel till it was time for tuition. i feel im damn unproductive man. is it like that? or is it just me? took me the whole afternoon in the hub to do like 4 calculus qns. wtp. oh man. colin wanted macs again! so we went sci centre for tuition -_-" got home and wanted to do so much stuff. but i was just so freaking tired man that i decided to nap. yes i woke up at 2, i was kinda ready to study alr. but tofu went off! source of motivation gone= going back to slp. lols. woke up at 430 instead and attempted studying, but somehow i felt even more tired and sleepy than at 2. ahh i knew it man. slping first then waking up to study in the middle of the night NEVER works for me. cos i wont have the motivation to really WAKE UP. i keep telling myself okay 5 more mins 5 more mins and i really needa wake up and study alr. but 5min came and past for more than hours. and the next thing i know its SIX AM. then i'll be like GOSH! argh. sometimes kinda feel that slping is a waste of time. well but guess i like wasting time? oh wells.

okay gotta run for yuexing's farewell dinner at vivo! which means i'll have to stay up to study. i hope i can. nono i MUST, cos theres econs mock on SAT! and guess wht, i havent started studying! good game.

let go; let GOD
i needa find my meaning in life;

bitter-sweet

2008-07-07T01:36:00.003+08:00

omg ZM i need you to read his blog right now. like RIGHT NOW! bt why do you have to be offline at this time?!?! ):

ENTREE FAREWELL

2008-07-06T00:01:00.007+08:00

ahh screw blogger ytd!

went for entree farewell after sch. its some 4-storey bungalow at farrer road. yes its HUGE. but kinda eerie cos its empty. anw it didnt start on a very happy note cos of some stuff, bt it was cool in the end. Firstly, im really so sorry hazel. i felt so bad! felt that it was all my freaking fault. ARGH! SORRY! ): bt on the other hand, you could have simply said no. As in seriously, we wouldnt have mind if you said no. didnt really have appetite for dinner. but thanks to winnie and xuewen, for just being there (: but after a while, we're back to normal alr. hazel i still love you just as much (: and theres so much food leftover, as usual. we packed them into boxes and i swear that can feed us all for at least another like 5 days. HOHO.

after hanging ard and wasting much time, the main prog finally started - our 'graduation ceremony' from entree. haha. kinda cool idea by the J1s. they got us a bib with our names, a photos frame with our camp grp photo and a candle in a little glass. all handwritten and decorated by them. it was really lovely. so its like they'll call our names. then we go forward and they'll put the bib on for us, then we'll blow out our candle. guess it sorta signifies our entree journey has come to an end. yeah kinda sad.

then background music was like graduation by vitamin C. totally fit into the atmosphere man. cos the lights were off, only the lighted candles. it was such a beautiful and lovely sight. bt it wasnt all that sad cos we were clapping and cheering and making fun of each other as we went up one by one. dno if we all did that by our nature, or by intention so that the atmosphere wouldnt get that sad and gloomy, then ppl will start crying and stuff. so i guess it can be considered as a happy ending? bt deep down, i know all of us are feeling sad, im sure. we all know it and feel it, bt just didnt say anything. theres just this common consensus among us.

but really a million thanks to the J1s for preparing all the stuff and making the farewell such a wonderful and memorable one. seriously, everything was cool and the gifts were simply lovely <3 make sure to invite us back for nxt yr's farewell! hahaha (:

sadly, not many J1s stayed and many J2s didnt come. sigh. so it was more or less the usual ppl who stayed over, like the dan gang, the sb4 gang, exco and luci gang which is us. then theres this game where we had to hide cards and the other team has to find it, J1s vs. J2s. we thought we were clever and scheming enough, but apparently the J1s arent tt bad afterall. hoho. they hid their cards in the trees, while we hid ours under some roof tile! haha. after that it was more or less mahjong/card games like poker, bridge, daidee, blackjack everywhere. oh yes we played twister and 'monkey soccer' too! oh man i seriously suck at twister. i dont stay in for more than 5 mins cos somehow my legs cramp way easily that night. monkey soccer was hell funny cos of the forfeits and ppl purposely nt receiving the ball cos they wanna sabo the previous person. LOLS!

zomg JC is still as blur as ever! haha. well he had to hug jiehui. adarsh and josh had to kiss. so did winnie and xiaohui. poor xiaohui she like forever kena forfeit one luh. then she and luci had to kiss each other's hands. wth?!? we're forever bullying her. haha. oh then once the ball flew into the hse nxt to us. the hse seemed empty too and yonghao was freaking scared when he climbed over to get it back. and dar was so horny man. hoho.

so the rest all slpt, squeezing into the mattress. while the sb4 gang and us continued playing and idling away thru the wee hours of the morn. i mahjong-ed for not even one round, bt i was zonking out alr. some of us decided to go up and take a NAP. cos maybe theres no space downstairs and the room upstairs is pretty good, its carpeted and the aircon is freaking cold. and maybe i only had my towel. and luci slpt like a pig, he was hell noisy man, making all sorts of weird noises. think our slping cycle really goes in hrs of 3. cos i slpt at 5 and woke up at 8. well maybe i was awaken by the noises ard. i dno. and by then the ppl slping downstairs are still slping! bt it was damn funny cos heard sam was slping beside sher, then somehow his shirt went up and his hands went over her. so she changed places with dan. LOLS!

we left ard 9 and went for mac break at the turtle mac! yeah the one with the turtle pond. while the rest stayed to clean up. haha. omg i was so freaking tired on the way home that i fell aslp once i sat on the bus. and my head hurts cos i kept knocking into the window! ): went home and slpt till 5. woohoo! slping rocks. haha (:

so it all ended just like that. but it doesnt feel that sad. maybe cos it feels that the entree spirit lives on forever. there'll still be entree mugging sessions on weds. and we can always meet up during the hols. prolly i'll miss the J1s the most. ppl like jc, nic, caibei, huiping, kejun, ian, dan, sam, wenjie, wenyao, ernest, clement, luong, thanh, dung, gong tuo, janel, adrienna etc. anw i wish you well guys, all the best for PROMOS and OP! yeah while we go on mugging for prelims and As.

As for J2s, hang in there yea. everyone is starting to feel the pressure, seriously, many ppl are staying back to seriously mug. i've nv seen so many ppl stay back in sch and mug so hard before, i swear. we're all getting scared that we cant mug finish, we're all getting stressed up. c'mon man, persevere for abt another month before we have a short and refreshing break. and then it will be baccalaurette, study leave and finally As. its gonna be over soon, very very soon. we can do it! you too ZM! we're all gonna make it thru (:

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

You’re not alone, together we stand
I’ll be by your side, you know I’ll take your hand
When it gets cold, and it feels like the end
There’s no place to go, you know I won’t give in

No I won’t give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I’m here for you, I’m here for you

There’s nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There’s no other way when it comes to the truth
So - keep holding on
Cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through

So far away, I wish you were here
Before it’s too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close, and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend

Pictures for you:

mahjong

JC. corny

ADARSH!

cards

dung, jc. typical jc look. haha!

joanna, xuehui

luong, hazel!

more cards

ian, hazel

JC for goodness sake STOP EMO-ING!

jiehui - entree pres '07-'08

fencers + ian

DUNG!

THANH!

more pictures when i get back

off to choir concert! realised he'll be there too! oh wells, whatever-

i dno wht it means for you to move on

and yet still wear that ring

either way it doesnt matter anymore

cos i'm moving on too

i'm letting go

finally

perseverence

2008-07-04T00:56:00.005+08:00

OMG after the long wait.

you're FINALLY online!

YAYness! (:

annoyed, restless; whatever;

2008-07-03T22:51:00.006+08:00

AHHHH! why arent you online ZM!?!? i guess talking to you has become my new addiction. yes ADDICTION. need a daily dosage of you, seriously. HAHA! it just feels so uneasy w/o talking to you even for just one night. and its getting so annoying, maybe cos i won't be online tmr night cos i'll be away for entree chalet, which means i wont get to talk to you AGAIN! ): bt yea i understand how talking to me is just such a waste of time and it distracts you from studying cos i just go on blabbering the whole night. maybe i shld just shut up and talk less and study more and CONCENTRATE. bleah.

anw pon sch tdy. cos i really just didnt feel like going, seriously. cos i really need sleep and just catch up on my studying. thou wasnt very productive, but sleep was indeed awesome (: its still worthwhile. haha. was really touched when she msg me to ask if im better. at least i know she still cares and things arent as bad as before btw us, nt really sure abt the other HER. somehow i feel that the rest are all cool with me, its just HER, seriously. bt somehow she seems okay during cca. so i really dno.

chem organic MCQ on mon was kinda okay. got an A! 30/40. could have done better cos of the silly stupid careless mistakes. bt well that doesnt mean anything luh. cos its just organic. nitrogen and chem periodicity on tues was hell. didnt really know how to do any. REALLY as in know for sure im correct and thats the right answer. went IMM mug with hazel cos she wanted to subway. and my mum said theres half price only from 3-5. so SET and there we went. bt its kinda cheapo. cos promotion was only for 6-inch, choice from only 2 types of bread, and can only buy one. so yea saw some auntie queuing again and AGAIN. super kiasu man. LOL!

wed there was AC summer sales again. deals are GOOD luh. seriously man, should just wait till sales then buy. cos its just SO MUCH CHEAPER. and yays i finally bought the love actually shirt! wanted to get that for ages alr. think its really nice! love it (: finally got my red colleagiate too. ordered since like dno how many dinosaur years ago. glad i didnt gt the yellow one. cos think the previous one was nicer, as in the colour and stuff. yea. got an orange bottle with the dragon too. actually think the blue one is equally nice. hazel got the blue one. and yea we queued for more than an hour for it. studied with hazel again in the hub. pussy and gang were there too. HAHA! actually the hub is a kinda cool and nice place to study. quiet and the aircon is just damn shiok. haha. went home tgt and explored our new way home. passed by 7-11 and shared nachos, hoho. i just love hazel ngiam so much! <3

entree chalet tmr. im just so excited! cos i took a peek at their plans and stuff. really touched cos the J1s are doing it. and they've actually planned all these for us lovely seniors! guess they're making smth for J2s! and its a 4-storey bungalow. how cool. the whole hse is OURS tmr! ironically, it feels damn sad. cos tmr will be more or less the official handover since the exco list will be announced. sigh. everything's gna end tmr. no more wed meetings with entree. no more crapping with the J1s and just scaring them off with A's or promos or PW. no more having a reason to see him and bump into him. no more meeting with the crazy entree ppl, brainstorming for ideas, laughing at all our own ideas, writing down our plans and projects, meeting deadlines, searching for sponsors and the list just goes on. i'll miss entree as a whole. EVERY single one, the WHOLE council. seriously, im gna miss all those times, all the ppl, com lab 3.1, room 3.2. nostalgic; reminiscing; ironic. but to sum it all:

I LOVE AC ENTREE '07'08 (:

she still misses him;
day 25;

welcome back brother! (:

2008-06-29T22:03:00.008+08:00

weee! my brother if finally back form his europe trip! woots! haha. i dont really miss him, neither do i not miss him, i dno, just that i dont really think about it. but im glad that he's back (: envious! i'm gonna make it to europe too one day. YES I WILL. he took hell lota pics. mostly sceneries. FREAKING NICE. i was just like WOW. and its really cool listening to him share all his experiences and stories. sounds really fun and memorable. yea so he went to italy, prague, germany, athens. YES the leaning tower of PISA, the berlin wall, and many other famous places of attraction and of history. europe is really just such a wonderful and beautiful place, how magnificient the architecture is, so rich in culture and FLAVOUR. haha.

he was like saying how freaking hot it was when he was at athens the last few days. it was fringging 40 DEGREES! GOSH! then in italy, all they ate was pizza and pasta. and 1 whole chicken only cost 4 euro shared by 3 ppl. thats damn cheap la. but macs was like 6 euro, thats a rip off. but they ate macs in every country they went cos they each had their own menu. COOL. and beer is even cheaper than water in germany. yes they watched euro cup almost alternate days. cos they live in backpackers hostel and there's many bars within the hostel itself. ohya and venice, the country living on water. boat is like the main mode of transport. and the stories go on and on. its just so interesting to listen to them. haha. if i go, i'll go FRANCE! and maybe england and switzerland (:

he didnt buy a lot of stuff. bt guess he bought the most for me. love my brother loads! (: he bought lots of HARIBO! like 10 packets i guess? and its only like 80 euro cents for one big packet! thats cheap compared to SG! product of germany. hah.and haribo rocks man. haha. he bought ritter sport chocs too. another product of germany. he said there were so many more flavours there.bt sadly the chocs melted when he went to athens cos it was burning hot. then aft that it got squashed in the backpack and it oozed outta the package. and now he froze it back, but its utterly disgusting. but dont care, guess i'll still eat the other side of it. hoho! bought a shirt and this glass necklace for me. bought some glass deco cos it was like 1 euro only. and thank god we bought the new wide lens cam before he set off.

the shirt saying...err.. i forgot..ask my bro again. LOLS!

this one's very obvious. STRESS!

design on some plastic bag. saying..err..okay fine i dont know!
but its just kinda cool.

YES THE 10 PACKS OF HARIBO!

this is the glass necklace. red heart. how sweet of him (:
rmb the other time he went aus he got me a heart pendant too
but it was a blue one. haha. LOVE MY BROTHER! (:

some brochure of the shirt designs from the shop. its NICE!

another one

but his bill gave my mum a shock. it was like 200+. LOLS! sms were at like 30 cents each. then i didnt know overseas calls were really so damn ex. abt 5 mins only cost 10-20 over bucks. GOSH! whole trip was like 5.5k for 4 countries, worth it? i dno, bt i guess so. now he went over to his friend's hse for euro finals. and leaving me alone to watch it on my on. how nice ): its damn sad to watch euro finals alone man! i wld even rather watching it with the uncles at the coffeshop than watching it alone. sigh. cos its like when theres a goal, or whoever wins in the end, i'll be like the only one shouting and cheering with my mum fast aslp, and the surrounding silence shouts back at me, how pathetic eh! nvm, guess i'll prolly msg my boyfriends. LOL! but prolly not him. maybe he's watching with her, very very likely.

fellowship ytd was an evanglistic event, where we played 'the game of life'. kinda like monopoly, but modified by the organisers. kinda boring when we first started out, bt it got more fun later, when ppl started going 'shopping' and buying stuff. and we even got married and had kids. LOL! buying babies at 600 each, carribean at only 3k, lambourghni at 1.4k, WI at 150, how great does that sound. haha. yea so in the end i have a crumpler, adidas superstar (black and gold, damn class), lambourghni, golden volkswagen, iphone, gucci bag, boat hse, 2 5-room HDB, a penthse, lakehse, WI, 6 kids and my husband is aaron kwok! WOOHOO! haha. there were some cork ups along the way, like earthquake, whre 2 members died, and like rise in education fees and wht not. yea its kinda unrealistic in a sense, but the cork ups were kinda realistic in a sense that things do happen unexpectedly in our lives, which we wld have never anticipated.

yea this is wht i bought. it filled the whole A4 paper! HAHA!

we're always so busy studying, so that we'll gt a good job, a good pay, and have a good life. but wht really is a good life? thats very subjective. everyone defines a good life differently, as we all have different expectations and aims in life. we all have different purposes in life, we all look for different things in life. but the bottom line is that, no matter wht we have or how much we have now, we'll lose it all one day as we take our leave, so we shld be accumulating treasures not on earth, but in the heavens. and it doesnt matter if we lose everything now, as we know we alr have our treasure in the heavens (:

and omg im so sorry ZM for disturbing you the whole night/morn. OOPS! yea guess i was the distraction? i feel uber guilty man, bt i just cant stop myself from talking to you! yea i LOVE talking to you, happy? haha. and whats with the thanks man, thats what FRIENDS are for RIGHT! and all the best for your MT oral tmr yo! dont worry ya, just do your best and god will do the rest! you'll do fine yea adidas spokesman! and if im rich, i'll still get a lambo. an ORANGE one. HAHA! (:

gonna slp now. catching euro finals later. yes ALONE ):

she tells herself not to,
but she still misses him;
day 21;

exhausted

2008-06-27T23:35:00.004+08:00

gosh i cant believe its only week 1 and i'm feeling so exhausted alr. i dno why, maybe cos its just the 1st week, and everyone is feeling tired too. maybe it'll be better after this week. or maybe i'm just too distracted. distracted by the many different things. it aint just abt you, even if it is about you alone, its enough to drain my energy away alr; its enough to make me feel so listless the whole day. like today you didnt had paper, so didnt see you in sch, neither did you reply me. i just get so restless. cos for the whole day i've been thinking like oh where's he; what's he doing; why aint he replying me; did he even get the msg; whats going on; did smth happen and well the list goes on. and the fact that he didnt wake me up this time round makes me think even more. yea so obviously i missed the match. DAMN. i was kinda angry at first. but on 2nd thought, he's not obliged to do so; but i just dno why theres no news from him. neither did he fb nor blog nor msn. its kinda making me worried. and its like the last day before she comes back tmr, just give me your whole night man. ahhh! c'mon c'mon where're you?!?! ):

haven been studying the past 2 nights cos i was trying to hard to write my SGC. it seriously sucks man. i really dont know how to write. as in its like praising yourself and selling yourself thruout, thats uber thick skin la! i just so cannot type those words out. but yea i still had no choice. today was the mad rush man. the whole lib was filled with ppl, hogging the computers, doing their SGC, dropping them into the relevant folders, and printing their PQ out. but its just so annoying. its just murphy's law man. all things just go wrong at the wrong times. i dno is it just my class, bt apparently many ppl seem to be printing their PQ too. and the printer just had to break down at that time. how great. and we've to hand it in by 2.30.argh. my classmate is a librarian and so he tried to help us get it printed using the admin printer. and then again, somehow the printer got screwed up too. then finally we got it printed at the com lab. should have gone there from the start man. the printing was so fast and efficient! but yea we were still late anw, but apparently guess K doesnt know! HAHA!

the school is freaking damn quiet after school these few days. prolly cos J1s having terms, then i dno where have all the J2s gone. prolly home to mug. increasing J2s are staying in sch to mug, bt its still very quiet. maybe they're in the lib or hub or which means they're all seriously mugging hard at the canteen or void. the silence is really deafening. ironic. wed had entree mugging session! it was kinda productive i guess, taking into account i was so slpy after lunch, plus the afternoon, it was just so hard to concentrate! bt still i managed to complete my sampling tut! i'll prolly stay in sch frm next week onwards. prolly get entree gang, or huihui to study with me (: c'mon kat you've got to start to stay focused man. its 48 days to prelims!

i was getting so stressed up about anything and everything one of the days. i really just felt like dying, breaking down and crying. cos i really cant take it. its really so tiring. 50 days seems so lil to prepare for prelims, but on the other hand, i've still got to endure for another 50 days of hardship and mugging and stressing out. its like omg how am i supposed to survive thru the 50 days. and after which theres still like 2 months to A's. time seems short, but thinking abt it, its like 4 months of hardcore study and focusing non-stop. its scary man, doubt i'll have the stamina to finish the whole race.

Just as i was feeling so awful, yuexing sent me the verse of the week :"The battle is not yours but the Lord's.""The Lord of Hosts will fight for you and you will hold your peace.'' then i consulted yuexing and she replied: ''Daddy GOD has always been there alright, and yes, you may get tired of studying and just wanna give up, its really okay. take a break, and pray'' These words just sink into me so deeply. That affirmation is just what i needed i guess. knowing that IT IS OKAY. it is okay to feel tired and wanna give up. its perfectly fine to feel so, its normal. then I'm reminded to rely not on my own strength and wisdom, but the Lord's. I was reminded to seek GOD consistenly and pray for wisdom and strength to carry on each and every day. The Lord will never abandon or forsake us, HE will never let us fight this on our own. Anyway, we can't. GOD is good all the time! (:

Next week feels just as bad, 3 days of chem test straight. Oh wells, but theres Entree Chalet to look forward too! Sigh, sad man, its feels so nostalgic. All good things come to an end, how true. New exco will be out, J1s will be on their own soon, really hope to see entree grow upon the foundation we've built (if there even was a foundation in the first place). I'm just gonna go all out and go crazy, afterall its farewell J2s. and its at ZERO cost. HEY! no fair eh! i paid for seniors farewell, and we kinda got shit. yea. pathetic. nvm, as long as ours is good. heard there's gonna be buffet too! yet again. HAHA (: gonna do a lil smth for my entree lovelies <3

Leona Lewis - Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See, somehow i can't forget you
Afterall that we've been through

Go in, come in
Thought I heard a knock
Whos' there? No one
Thinking that I deserved it
Now i realise that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Imma be okay

Thought I couldnt live without you
It's gonna hurts when it heals to
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
was it all that easy
to just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
Dont' wanna let, hurt my feelings

But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning, to love again
All I know is, Imma be okay

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will

Am i trying/learning to let go? I really dont know. Am i wiling to let go? Can i let go? Guess i'll pray about it.

she misses him;
day 20;

BACK TO SCHOOL - TERM 3

2008-06-23T23:59:00.001+08:00

gosh i woke up at 6! dread it. have to adjust my body alarm back. sigh. damn tired the whole day. was trying to keep myself awake the whole time. i prayed and i really hoped things wld turn out better after the hols. but apparently it isnt. it isnt going anywhere. it isnt even anywhere near fine. but i'm not really much affected anymore, i dont really feel sad abt it anymore. maybe cos i cant be bothered anymore. seriously im numb already, oblivious. does that sound sad? i dno, guess yall dont bother either.

someone pulled my bag as i was going in for math lect. i turned ard and saw the entree lovelies! chye aik, luci, xiaohui, yonghao! woots! i was really so happy to see them man. wished hazel, winnie and barney was there too! JOY of my sch life. love them lots (: can't wait for wednesdays now, cos there'll be entree mugging session! plus guess i'll get to see him (: thou i already saw him today (: was looking out for him, but was thinking no hope cos almost all the J1s cleared alr. so as i turned to walk to the aisle, i saw him! oh well cos he's freaking tall, damn easy to spot. HOHO! saw JC too and as usual, he gave me this cheeky smile. haha. one funny guy. aww i miss entree so badly! ): but anws, all the best for TERMS yo ppl! hope his interview went well tdy (:

gosh its abt 50 days left to prelims! thou i've started, bt guess im no where near half prepared! shucks. im gonna have class chem test every wed during lab. and its those 4 topics which needs help most for physical chem - equilibrium, kinetics, energetics, electrochem. and damn, my organic chem is getting rusty! its time to revise and practise for organic chem! 40 organic chem MCQs to start with for next week's test! i was reminded to write my SGC by friday. GOSH!

anw bought pair of new sch shoes ytd. isnt the best that i wanted, but its the best that i could find that fits me and within my budget. and omg im so love with the orange and purple adidas superstar! its freaking nice! I WANT THAT!

orange and purple are loves! <3

its freaking nice right! (:

okay promise i'll blog abt church camp some other time. its way too long and late to start now. econs day tmr. SUCKS. studying with hazel in sch tmr. thou for a short while only, but still its a source of motivation! and i love her loads! to luci and yonghao, good luck completing all your work. to him, all the best for math and chem. to ZM, hang on there boy. we're on the same boat, so you're never alone yea, plus GOD is with us ALL THE TIME. when you feel scared or tired, take a break and pray for the LORD is our strength and provider. i'll pray for you too yo! i'll pray to Daddy GOD to keep you calm and peace, and just the strength to carry on. and i'll always be there for ya whenever you need me yea. you'll do fine for wed's a math exam yea. you can do it boy, c'mon, we'll all make it thru (:

toddles!

she misses him;
day 15;

The dark clouds are leaving; I'm finally seeing the Sun (:

2008-06-18T19:07:00.002+08:00

well France has really been disappointing this season. Yeah, its the end for them already. Italy and Holland are moving on. I seriously hope Sweden will get through too! C'mon man Ibrahimovic, show some power and magic! Sucks that starhub ain't telecasting that match! They're telecasting the Spain match instead. Oh well, but i wouldnt mind seeing David Villa getting more 'Man of the Match' awards either. HAHA. Portugal-Germany semis its tmr morn! Which is when i'm in camp. NICE. okay i dont care. i'm gonna ask permission and get the everyone to watch the semis with me at MACS! Since our camp is near downtown. C'mon man, its the SEMIS! How often do you get to watch that? I'm anticipating Ronaldo to be on form and play well and get a goal in, or at least assist (: But i dont mind seeing Podolski's or Ballack's or Klose's attempts either. I'm sure he'll go watch at macs too (:

I feel so accomplished. Cos i finally like finish my chem tys physical chem MCQs, other than transition metals. cos the lecture on it is not even finished! I also finally read through Group II and Group VII notes, thou it still takes much effort and practise to rmb and understand what goes on. I also attempted the rest of the qns of Group VII Tut. At least i know i won't be lost now when the teacher is blabbering on. Got a haircut today, actually just the fringe. Cos its irritating me, its irritating my eyes. Damn, i've got banks now, its freaking straight. It's always weird at first, but i always cut it like that, and it always gets better as it grows longer.

Was talking to a friend online. It's really funny how i always listen to people and try to give advice, try to console and make them feel less screwed. But somehow i can't do it on myself. Maybe thats why they say doctors can never heal themselves. You always need people from the outside, a third party to help. Cos its only them who can see the whole picture clearly and take a very rationale stand towards the issue. Maybe thats when ZM came in (: I realise i don't practice what i preach. Or maybe its just that talk is cheap, and its always easier said than done. Yeah so i was talking to my friend, then i realised, hey thats whats all thats missing, thats just exactly what i should be doing with my own issues. Loving is never about possessing. I admit at first i was angry cos he doesn't seem a bit of guilty or affected at all, and life seem just as great for him. But i realised i didnt really want him to. Being good friends now is just as good, or even better. I can still poke into his life and see whats going on. Yeah, maybe its really better to go back to where we left off and just stay like that, stay like that. Whatever happens after 28june, however they end up, I just want him to be happy (: You can always count on me yo! (:

I just wanna know everything thats going on in his life. I wanna share every bit of sorrow and joy with him. I wanna be there whenever he needs someone. I just wanna be his guardian angel (: Since i cant have him, neither can i forget him, i will just keep him deep down in a corner of my heart.

Leaving for camp in 10 hrs. Packing not done. Off to make bestie's present (:

I'll miss him (:

She loves him;
She wants him happy;
day 11;

Reality Check

2008-06-17T01:25:00.006+08:00

gosh im so tired. maybe cos i slpt from 530-730. and i was trying so hard to do my compre but i simply couldnt concentrate cos of some stuff. had GP consultation. and gosh my AQ was like way out. sigh, maybe i wrote a freaking 2 pages. ARGH. rush off to meet my kids. they're doing well, almost everything is done. bt oh my son, it was a tiresome job trying to edit their proposal. their language and sentence structures are just weird! firstly trying to understand wht its trying to say, next to rephrase their idea so that its more comprehensible. being a language teacher aint easy man. then went home to mug. im finally starting chem. MCQ seems an easy option, bt in reality its killing me. especially electrochem and ionic equilibrium. oh man i hate those 2 topics. its simply driving me NUTS!

ytd morn was like a total trash out session-
truth stares right into my eyes
reality hit me fast and hard head-on
yes im devastated;
i said i was fine, i dont want you to feel bad
as much as i tried to put up a strong front, i'm no where near fine
you said you're sorry, but sadly, sometimes its really too late to apologise
you lied for your own convenience, but you left me hanging in mid-air
seeing more and more photos, my heart spells envy with pain
yall look compatible, cute, sweet, lovely, blissful together
afterall its 2 yrs, i dont know how long/short that feels for a couple, but yea its been 2 yrs
what can i say? what can i do? NOTHING but willow in self-pity
you say its complicated, but im sure the answer is obvious to everyone else but yourself
married with a ring; you're holding on. i know how badly you want it actually; stop deceiving yourself.
oh man what am i doing, saying all the things i shouldnt be saying at all
i really hated you for lying right from the start, why WHY WHY?!?! idiot.
oh boy but you just fit the bill TOTALLY
its like finding a treasure but you know you cant never have it, cos someone else found it FIRST
feelings given out is like water poured away, you can never take them back
but im sorry too, i never wanted to intrude, i never wanted to drag you into this shit
guess all i can do now is PRAY
its all yet another test of FAITH

i'm reminded to praise HIM in times or good AND bad
it all feels planned. who knows he'll be at his cuz hse; who knows he'll talk to me when he's away; who knows he'll mention abt his gf; who knows i'll ever know the truth this way.
i prayed for wisdom, i prayed for a sign, i prayed for a direction - its all been answered.
ZM was like a god sent guardian angel. i wouldnt have been hit back to reality if it werent for him. and just a while ago, when i was feeling so awful and i didnt know what to do and who to turn to cos im misssing him so badly cos he's away at camp, suddenly he just appeared online from overseas and talked to me. YES from overseas. its like the least possible thing i wld ever expect to happen. and we're like near strangers but yet we can talk, maybe cos he always knows whats going on in my mind. i dont want 28 june to come ): im scared.

anw whats with me man. always falling for the wrong guys. and maybe there's a curse on guys with younger brothers. this is like the 4th. get me out!

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

she misses him badly;
she wants him back right now;
day 9;

have you ever? I HAVE

2008-06-16T22:44:00.006+08:00

omg this song just totally speaks my heart right. totally TOTALLY
the one and only song in my playlist now
the words just keep running thru my mind, again and again.
and i keep thinking over and over again.

westlife - have you ever

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry? yes, currently
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night? yes, always
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right? yes, so usually they dont get it
Have you ever?
Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand? i just did and i am still
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away? it was an accident; he's an idiot; so much for lying
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same? i tried bt guess i failed
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start? guess i gave up even before trying, cos it feels impossible

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life? i always thought i had
You'd do just about anything
To look into their eyes? definitely, evidently
Have you fin'ly found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you? ever since i tried & started loving, currently he has his heart locked in someone else's
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care? ever since i started dreaming; ever since i added him on msn/fb

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby? maybe its just impossible;somehow im still holding on
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me? guess you understand, but i know you wont
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep cant eat; cant slp, maybe thats depression

she misses him;
day 8;

sweden 1-2 spain

2008-06-15T02:30:00.000+08:00

caught swe-esp match. aye, swe lost again! damn sad. i've wanted them to gt thru ever since world cup. yea. bt ibrahimovic was AWESOME, one of my favs. he's really power man. that goal was damn nice man. he was marked, somehow he struggled to take a shot, the goalie managed to touch the ball, bt didnt managed to save it, so it was like rolling slowly across the line aft his hand brushed past the ball. that moment was fantastic man. i dno was it the slow-motion effect or what, bt everyone was just staring at the ball to see if it was a goal. there was a shot by david villa, was damn nice bt was off a lil, then he gt damn pissed. haha. bt that shot was damn nice too. david villa- NICE. bt ltr he made a last min goal, which led esp into the quarters. bt swe was playing well, at least to me. they had great passes and stategies. and henrik larsson is damn cute. HOHO. he's one of my favs too. LOLS!

better get some sleep, church at 2
gotta rush my compre aft chruch, cos maybe i have consultation tmr! SUCKS! ):

she misses him;
day 7;

happily ever after (:

2008-06-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

it feels great, having him to msg me to wake me up for soc match, it feels like bliss (:
ned-fra. sigh fra lost, damn sad. bt one is that their team is pretty old, many of them are all 30 odd alr. gosh! i didnt realise some of the players are 30 odd alr! for ned i was surprised robben and van persie didnt start. robben is awesome, one of my favs too. you'll realise i actually kinda have lots of favs. HOHO! bt yea van nisterlrooy is authentic la, everyone knows him, everyone knows he's good. bt their first goal, the header was kinda nice. haha. but kinda sad cos fra had many nice passes and attacks, sadly they didnt or couldnt turn them into goals. well thats wht you gt when zidane is gone. SAD.

catch a nap, before dressing up for the wedding. the heels were killing me man, so i brought change. HAHA. and everyone was so pretty pretty! and omg charis looked damn cute and princess-cy. yea she's more than used to being a flower girl alr. and it was so funny cos she didnt dare talk/smile/laugh cos she had lipstick on alr. LOL! and as usual josh was the page boy, another cutie (: xue'er was so beautiful and taorong was so handsome, what a lovely couple. haha. rehearsed our song one last time to see if we can make do w/o mic, cos it was troublesome to pass the mic, or everyone gt a mic each. i loved the part which the lil kids sang alone (chorus part) cos it sound so innocent, so beautiful (:

okay then ppl starting coming in. xue'er students came. it was one whole bunch of them. sorta clogged up the staircase cos they weren't moving into the chapel hall. and the lift area is pretty small aft you put the table to write the blessings and the photo album. their wedding pictures were AWESOME. its so pretty! oh man im so envious. i wanna gt married and take lovely wedding photos too! the couple is just so sweet. awww. aft the usual stuff, theres this vid taorong made to thank their parents. it was so touching. saw the parents and xue'er tearing. even i teared. cos it just felt sad, its like looking back on the past, when they were young, its like a fast forward of seeing them grow up. i dno, it always feels ironic. reminiscing is ironic itself so to speak, it feels very nostalgic, a mixture of all sorts of feelings, whtever you can think of. maybe thats wht make us human beings.

anw their love story is so noble, its like outta the ordinary. GOD works wonders (: its like she went over to thai for misison trip then got to know him. and somehow feelings developed and they were on a long dist relationship for 2 yrs, long dist calls, letters, and wht not. and now, aft 3 yrs, they're here in the wedding hall, standing right before GOD, making their vows and commitments to each other. its really impressive how they did it. its even more marvellous how GOD made it possible. kinda sad cos she's marrying over to thai, but currently will still be in SG till he finishes his course in the bible college. xue'er has been a wonderful sunday sch tcher. thou the time spent was short, she felt very close to our hearts. im gna miss her so. their marriage is a great testimony of GOD, they will be deeply blessed by everyone of us, and i sincerely wish them a happy marriage eternally and hope they'll continue to be a testimony to the rest of the world (:
i really dno wht else to say bt i wish them happiness from the bottom of my heart (:
GOD is LOVE <3 GOD works wonders in many ways, wonder wht will the way for me be.

then it was photo taking session! then clear up time, bt apparently we went down to eat first and decided to clear ltr. bt when we were eating, they said the rest cleared up alr. oops! i felt so bad =x bt anw the food was good, yea. wedding buffets are ALWAYS good. and there's CHOC FONDUE! WOOTS! bt aft 1 round, i kinda got sick of it alr, cos the choc taste was so thick. bt somehow i've been eating quite lil recently. dont know why, as in i just gt full easily. im not anorexic. i can never be dont worry. the sky will fall if i ever be. LOLS!

went home and just slpt, was so shagged.

GOD's love NEVER fails;
she misses him;
day 6;

wedding prep!

2008-06-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

went church to help with the deco for xue'er's wedding. it was tedious man! i always find wedding deco very pretty, but i dont like doing them, somehow it find whatever i do kinda ugly. or maybe its just, perception. so we had to curl this fake leaves ard the staircase railing. me and carmen are seriously noob man. we spent the whole time doing just 1 flight of stairs, wheres esther and terry did the rest of the 3. and in the end ours still looked so ugly, and it looked different from theirs, so in the end they took ours out and did it on their own again. LOLS! oops sorry! =x im bad at such stuff. thats not the worse part man.

disaster came when we had to make small bundles of flowers which is to be tied to the sides of the chapel benches. we had to cut the stems short, put 2 white roses with some purple flowers (i think its 'forget me not', dno whats with that name bt apparently heard it was that, lol) and so its like we have to decide and arrange the flowers on our own until we find it nice then wrap the bottom with wet cotton wool and aluminium. gosh that was like hell for me. cos i have no idea how to arrange the flowers! i procrastinated, cos i dno what is nice and what is not. i'll always find other flowers my friends arranged nicer, then i'll feel so depressed. LOL. so terry cut the stems, carmen and esther arranged and wrapped the flowers. so guess what i did? what i did was also impt okay! to ensure the flowers look nice, i appointed myself the pluck out the petals on the roses which i think isn't nice. HAHA! but i was so scared that i keep plucking all the petals till theres like none left? HOHO.

then they still had to tie some netting (like chiffon material) hanging across the benches, err you know wht i mean right. then tie the flowers we bundled on it, then the ribbons. sound lil bt its HARDWORK! then theres this sister who was so good and experienced in such stuff. she even tied the bundled flowers onto the door handle of the chapel. freaking nice man. seriously, no joke. when everything was done, it was SO PRETTY! it just makes ppl happy (: oh bt theres another sister still arranging the flowers for the candles and the main flower to be put on stage, the humongous one. yea that one she's the pro one. cos think she's been arranging flowers every wk for service. she's amazing man. flowers are really really pretty (:

omg its friday the 13th! how auspicious! HOHO!

she misses him;
day 5;

mugging time

2008-06-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

YES ended in a kinda low key. cos there wasnt much on the last day. attendance was way low, everyone's heart just wasnt there anymore. there was a sorta talk, or more like some personality test, which we didnt bother listening at all cos we were playing cards thruout. oops =x then jap food was disappointing too. then there was supposed to be an outing to some company, but apparently one of them couldnt make it, so left with PSA, which only allow 50 ppl in for security reasons. so most of us didnt gt chosen to go, so the J2s went play pool at west coast recreation centre. played 2 games and my grp won both! haha. 1st game we won cos they gt the black ball in before clearing their own balls. 2nd game i gt the black ball in! WOOTS! haha. xiaohui is pro okay, she go all ard SG playing pool. LOL! jking.

went back NUS for buffet dinner. nic's grp gt 1st, xiaohui's grp gt 2nd, win's grp gt 3rd, dung's grp gt 4th. congrats yo people! dinner was okay, not bad, bt theres lots of left overs, cos it was meant for 150 ppl, bt like less than 100 were there. then cam-whored - sorry guys apparently theres some prob uploading the photos onto FB. i tried bt they kp saying upload failed. yea so guess yall have to wait for another time.

damn it man. ytd i just realised euro started on like 7 alr. ARGH! bt anw portugal won czech 3-1! YAY! but petr cech is one of my fav goalies. cristiano ronaldo is the seriously the man - very gifted, all time fav, be it portugal or man u (: didnt know nani was from portugal. sigh i miss seeing luis figo and zidane on field. there were the golden players. and i wonder why many of the good players for france were sub for the romania game. holland and france game is gna be exciting! think sweden and spain game is gna be exciting too. wanted sweden to get thru during the world cup, but sigh they didnt. they have good players like ljungberg, mellberg, henrik larsson, ibrahimovic, one of my fav too. and omg david villa did a hattrick against russia. way cool. and spain has many good players too like torres, villa, puyol, fabregas, alonso etc. but i think spain might win. germany has also been perf well with podolski, theres also ballack, klose, frings, metzelder, schweinsteiger. seems like this euro is gna be a tough fight yet again. not really rooting for any country yet cos i havent really seen them on field cos yea i've been missing all the matches. actually rooting or not is one thing, i just wanna watch good soccer (:

time to study alr. and yes i have the adrealine to study now for some reasons. math tuition at 2, then gg to church for xue'er wedding rehearsal. her wedding is on sat. they ask me go help with deco on fri, but guess i'll see how cos i really really got lots of studying to do. but i'll try.

he's not online, wonder where's he, blog nt updated, he seems to be MIA;
she still missed him; its been 4 days;

case comp

2008-06-10T23:56:00.000+08:00

had case comp tdy. ahh kinda screw up. not exactly screw up. just that we were so lacking as compared to other grps. seriously the rest were good i admit cos they did more research. actually i didnt really know wht to expect luh. so yea. oh wells, bt anyway think we all still did a great job! bt i feel bad cos i admit i didnt really put in much effort cos im really damn sian of it alr cos its seriously just a replica of PW, and its like within 1 day somemore. so much worse. maybe cos we know wht to expect. and its just impossible to do it within one day. bt the J1s hadnt really gone thru e whole process of PW, so im sure they dont really know wht is expected yet. bt some of them really can speak so well oh my gosh. i was sorta stunned and surprised. or rather i was IMPRESSED. yes thats the word. and like ian who's in my grp. i predict he'll go well for OP. cos he can think well and fast on the spot and can get his msg across very clearly. 2 thumbs up! (: anw yes tmr is the last day! whoo! cant wait for it to end! there's jap lunch + buffet dinner! so i guess attendance will go up tmr! LOL!

ohya btw tdy everyone was damn handsome and pretty in formal wear! haha! omg jc is super funny man. esp with win emphasizing on his sports shoes! yes SPORTS SHOES with formal shirt!i dno maybe someone like - likes it eh? HOHO! we made fun of him thruout the day man. he's seriously just damn funny. oh my. haha! and im so sorry jc! i feel super bad. i mean i admit we were super bad to hide your notes and force you to say out your -. bt seriously we mean no harm man. we're just playing and we just wanna know thats all. c'mon man you know us, you know we're nt gna speak a word of it. so chill man. and seriously, its just chem bonding notes, dont get so EMO! bt still SORRY! =x

she's feeling so sad. cos he prolly was lying to her right from the start. he prolly has someone else reserved alr, theres no place for him to accomodate another soul, not even to notice her. and their acclaimed relationship was prolly bullshit too. she's kinda 100% certain this time. she's upset cos she likes him, bt it isnt mutual; be she's more upset cos he lied. she was never anywhere near him, she tried to, bt she just couldn't, maybe cos he doesnt let her. well its nt a sin to like someone whom you're nt supposed to like, bt it sure hurts; and she's very well clear of that, bt she doesnt mind, or rather she has no choice; cos he's pretty much her only life support now. there's nth much she can do other than updating herself on his life, and leaving him msges everyday, hoping he will see it. and he will see it, just a matter of time. he saw the one ytd, he'll prolly see the 365th msg, who knows? no one knows. she cant forget him, she just cant; and she knows she cant. now is the hard part, is GOD once again trying to put her thru the test of faith? well guess she'll have to pray! GOD pls show her some sign.

she hasnt seen him for 2 days;
she really misses him;

YES @ NUS

2008-06-09T23:28:00.000+08:00

ahhh! finally got the time to blog. okay i shall skip the entree camp + family first cos it'll prolly take me 2 hrs. LOL! bt everything was fun and am freaking tired. i still had to get up early to be at nus by 830 tdy. DREAD IT! yea its the YES thingy that JH and YJ promised it'll be fun. bt oh man its so boring! there were 3 lects and think i fell aslp thru every single one of them. ice breakers sucked, so did the so called 'bonding games' BLEAH. just a total screw up la. and we had to work on this case with our new groups and its darn like PW la omg omg. seriously, just kill me man. 1 yr of PW torture is enough, so i've decided heck and just do with whatever comes up tmr. and my group is so quiet somemore. the silence is killing me. had to wear formal wear tmr. so hazel came up to me hse to try, see if she can gt anything. bt she say she's prolly gna wear some white top of hers in the end. LOLS!

oh man damn. think she's falling for someone. he has the same birthday as her bestfriend. most imptly shefinally found someone with a common interest - he loves war shows and stuff, he loves soc and is a manu fan. most imptly, he loves GOD (:
seriously im going crazy, oh man save me.
gosh this is obsession - wanna see him; wanna talk to him; going to his FB & blog every single day refreshing the page every moment. he's torubled, bt he doesnt wanna tell her why; he doesnt trust her, thats kinda obvious, his indifference and ignorance is killing her. oh man she's sure he knows it, he's just avoiding it. he shld just face it, seriously.

she hasnt seen him for 1 day;

narnia: prince caspian

2008-06-03T09:04:00.000+08:00

watch narnia: prince caspian. it was nice. think its just as nice as the 1st instalment. the 4 kids have all grown up, esp the younger brother.both brothers are kinda eye-catching. HAHA! the show was kinda messy, or maybe its just me that was kinda blur. took me some time to figure out what was going on, cos i didnt know was that like the past/present or its happening concurrently or what. but kinda sad they cant be tgt in the end, maybe cos they're liek 1300 yrs apart. there were a few scenes which i liked a lot. one was which the narnians attacked during the night, but as they were retreating, some got left behind cos they were locked behind the gate. it was sooo sad man i teared. cos they're like sacrificing themselves cos theres nth anyone cld do cos the gate is alr down - FOR NARNIA

then the other part is the face off part when 2 armies were fighting over at the narnia territory. and they were all counting tgt for the correct timing to break the legs of the pillars tt support their home underground, so tt when the enemies run to tt part, the earth/land will start collapsing and they will fall into a pit. and when tt happens, they made 2 exits from the gound at each end of the collapsed land, and soldiers went out from there and surrounded the enemies who fell into the pit where the land collapsed, i think that was such a brilliant idea la. way cool.

haha i dno, bt i've always liked war shows. its like its feels good when everyone has a common goal, common cause, fighting for the same thing - esp when its fighting for survival. it really shows how strong we human beings are mentally. strong sense of loyalty. i feel proud of them. or even when playing for sch or nats. and somehow i find war scenes very you know erm majestic? is that the word? i dno, bt you gt wht i mean right, its like when they shout charge or smth, then both sides run towards each other, and on everyone's face it's do or die, with the sense of conviction. haha, oh wells, or maybe im just plain weird. but whatever.

facing the giants + restless

2008-06-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

went for family day rehearsal tdy. was freaking pissed at -. and i was alone cos josh and dan wasnt there. and - kept giving me stuff to do and recruited me into SWAT. saying what we're chosen and identified bt the tchers and all those crap when its plainly saikang. he thinks im super woman man. WTP. kept telling him to brief me first cos i gotta run cos i have church bt i needa go home change first cos i'll be going restless straight after, but he didnt want. FREAK! damn irritating man. ended up cabbing home and to church. argh!

watched 'facing the giants' for fellowship. its a damn nice movie. everyone shld just go buy it and watch. its abt how this coach uses the power of faith in the LORD which finally gets him the rubgy championships and kids! i think he has a very nice wife, who's always been so supportive, always being there for him, so sweet and understanding (: the power of faith and prayer really really works wonders. its just so unbelieveable. GOD is just so wonderful. this again reminds me of putting my faith in GOD and praising HIM no matter wht, be it good or bad. 'We win, we praise the LORD; we lose, we praise the LORD' and we shall glory HIS name in whtever we do.

went harbour front to meet win and barn for dinner. damn shouldnt have taken dinner. cos we ended up cabbing to sch for restless which starts at 730, and we reached only at 8 =x obviously no seats la, had to sit in the individual seats at the sides. guess who was the usher? oh my i was stunned, literally, i didnt know wht to do, so i just pretended i didnt see him. maybe cos his gd friend was there, so it'll prolly be the end of me if i open my mouth to say hi. bt omg he was damn handsome and suave (: my eyes so much didnt wanna gt off him man. LOL!

went vivo for supper with huihui, leanna, win, barn. we were searching so hard for some place to eat bt many of them close alr i dont know why its only like 10+ at most 11. ended up at BK. talked, gossiped, cam-whored AGAIN. oh man barn is so cute and win is so funny, seriously! haha. win's dad was so nice to fetch me and huihui home. thanks win's dad!

some friends are for life, others just didnt managed to board the train, or some just decided to drop off halfway.

phy camp + aristal

2008-05-31T00:22:00.000+08:00

phy camp at nus was kinda cool and fun. had lect on nano tech and astro. but astro was darn boring cos it was all math. nano was cool and interesting cos we gt to know how to move a certain particle. there were lots of exp and hands on. there was like on projectile, ideal gas, conservation of momentum, liquid nitrogen (super conductor), optical tweezers, and many more. the one i love most was the developing of black and white photos! its way cool (: and the food was freaking nice! overall it was very enriching (: left before the quiz to go home and change for ARISTAL! kinda sian cos its at UCC, which is also at nus. so im like going back and forth. bt no choice gotta change.

went aristal with 4h. tiff, huihui, simin, weiting, yilun, bryan, keeann, fred bt he didnt sit with us, prolly sat with his class. its been so long since i last met so many of them tgt. well done zong rach jiateng jiahui! its like officially my 2nd time seeing zong and rach dance. 1st was at anti-drug comp. rach was damn hot, ever since the other time i saw her dance. LOL! zong was nt bad either, and he was the BUTTERFLY! HAHA! we were all like omg omg thats weizong weizong! LOL!

err photos are all on FB, can get them from me or huihui if yall want. and i tagged all the photos! i almost died okay. its damn tedious and tiring. went supper at cheese prata. oh man we got so high catching up and trying to sniff out tiff's GUY and stuff that we laughed damn hard till my stomach haha. bt its all worthwhile (: managed to catch the last 175 home, while the rest had to cab back cos it was like 12+ alr. love 4h too. sorry bt i have to say this: my RV HOMIES are just so LOVELY! <3

Sha's birthday + 2d sleepover + CIP!

2008-05-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

ytd went marina to celebrate sha's birthday! we were supposed to meet at 1 but apparently everyone was late, other than the birthday girl. shucks i feel damn bad man, esp when winnie called and 'scolded' cos she was also late for an hr, but its like we all agreed to meet, but in the end everyone was late, or were going ltr. i decided to go ltr cos i was trying to complete my work for math tuition on wed which i wouldnt have time cos there's slpover then cip, after which is my tuition. yea im so packed. but i cabbed down aft receiving win's call cos they said they might wanna catch a movie if i can make it by 4. bt i couldnt, so i sorta cabbed down for nth. but well we went for hot pot culture for dinner directly at ard 4+. YES DINNER AT 4+. cos the ala carte buffet starts at 330 and they said they actually wanted to go in alr, but they were waiting for me. yea so everything still sums up to be MY FAULT la. oh man.

bt the 3 of us were seriously crazy. we ordered hell lota food and started our choc fondue like straight away cos its ala carte buffet, so everything is like kinda 'free-flow'. other than the drinks which is outa the cost. they're kinda clever eh, cos they know ppl eat confirm want drinks one, so they charge drinks. bt we were even cleverer, we ate fruits in replacement. HOHO! sounds damn kiasu, bt thats life with WINNIE. oops! LOL (: i bet the waiter was kinda stunned. cos its like only 3 lil girls, yet order so much, and we kept ordering, and kept asking for refill for the choc fondue. it was so hilarious man. GOSH! then huiqi simin sueping joined us. and we continued eating till ard 9. YES can you believe it, we ate form 5-9! thats so insane. HOHO. then we walked ard and cam-whored like mad till ard 10, where we made our way to huihui's hse for sleepover! (:

the rest were at huihui's hse alr. mahjong-ed, bridged, cam-whored, gossiped. tried to watch dvd bt think the player was somewht spoiled. bt yea i was so tired tt i fell aslp on the sofa. the rest of the girls were clever enough to go into the room. gosh the sofa was freaking hard! winnie and the guys mahjonged till morn as usual. i dno how they managed to do that, but it just happens everytime. morn ordered mac breakfast and best part is tt no one knows the exact address and postal code. LOL! bt somehow we managed to order it. started pouring. sucks man. just as when i was abt to leave for cip. it was so heavy that everything was wet DESPITE the umbrella.

went salvation army to play with the kids. the rain kinda stopped bt started pouring again ltr, bt we still continued our captain's ball. the guys played soccer and the younger kids played board games. the girls get agitated easily and they shout ard hell lot. somehow that's the way their lives are and they are used to it. maybe cos of the environment they are brought up, lacking parental love and care, they tend to be very or over protective of themselves and their friends. they will stand up for themselves or their friends no matter what, even small lil things. is that lacking in compassion?

i dont know. im not complaining or despising them, all i can see and feel is that ppl really differ in different kinda environment they are brought up. im nt saying they're bad, but i just feel for them. well i dont exactly know wht kinda feeling is tht, maybe compassion? haha. but i do thank god for my seemingly perfect family. i shld be grateful for that alr. thou i do admit i did complain in the past, bt no longer now, just thoughts of it at times here and there which are inevitable, but guess i shld be more than grateful and satisfied alr, cos HE has never abandoned or forsaken us. thats the miracle he has shown to me (:

and guess wht, colin said cancel tuition cos he has CF camp, so neither of us can make it at a common time. WTP. bt oh wells, i gt to go home and rest! fringging tired man. thats not a complain, i've always and will always enjoy 2d's company. i really love them hell lot man. its been 6 yrs and counting, and we're still hanging on strong, i always feel so proud of them, and so proud of myself for being their chair. i rmb wht our lit tcher once said to us: 'keep the flame burning' times with 2d are always my happiest times. im reminded that GOD doesnt shut the doors on us, he always opens one when the other is shut. oh LORD pls let me have more faith in you.

a million thanks

2008-05-20T18:57:00.000+08:00

i'm really so grateful
for the friends i have
who were always always
there for me
whenever i needed them
i love you guys (:

how ironic for some
to say so
but the next moment
turn their backs on me
instead of ironic
i reckon it's being
HYPOCRITICAL
i pray god to forgive you
and have mercy on you
seriously
thats the best i can do now

friday, had church dinner
at night at mandarin
this yr kinda boring
but the food was good
just that too little

2sb and 2sc
were dismissed at 150
to go down and support
the various vital matches
tennis semis:
guys vs acsi
girls vs vj
netball finals vs RJ
soccer semis vs VJ
sadly, we were totally defeated
esp netball
lost by a single point
50-51
and that took
the champs away
what the shit
it was so devastating
the whole team cried
well the details are
all on redsports
but anw well done girls
you've fought a good fight (:

over to soccer
we lost 4-1
and somehow it just
got so emotional
after the whistle
the guys like broke
into tears
esp when they stood
in a line
with ced holding the
school flag
and the school anthem
was sung
you could see the guys
crying so badly
as the sang the sch song
with so much pride
and dignity
it was really very sad
and i was kinda stunned
cos i've never seen
a bunch of soccer guys
crying so badly
maybe they felt bad
for losing
cos its like there were
so many supporters
and sch was even
dismissed early
so that we could go
support them
but yet they didnt play
as well as expected
well i dno
thats just what i think
but i really really do
feel very proud of them

that leaves them
fighting for 3/4 placing
which they played SA
AGAIN
but we won this time!
1-0
KUDOS!
was damn happy
cos i was feeling so scared
cos i couldnt make it
down for the match
cos K wants to talk to us
ben was feeling alright
cos he said it was
a good fight
so yea (:
so we're THIRD 3RD!
well done boys!
you've persevered
and fought a long way
to reach there
your efforts have paid off
and your passion have
done you justice
indeed admirable (:

as for tennis
i also wanted to go
watch the match
cos its playing SA
for 3/4 placing too
on the same day as soccer
but i wanted to watch
so badly
so much more than
catching the soc match
cos maybe its like
SAJC TENNIS
a team i was once part of
a team which im so close
to still being part of
yes i do still have some
amt of divided loyalties
esp when it comes to tennis
bt anw we lost
2-3
so we're 4th
not too bad la
still top 4

watched hockey girls
playing MI
for 3/4 placing
we won 2-1
that makes us 3rd! (:
good job girls!

also went for
HC dance night
its quite nice
saw weiting hip-hopping
saw thom breaking
he's damn pro
so proud of them (:

hols are coming coming!
i cant wait!
but my hols are packed
SERIOUSLY
maybe i've got like
-hillsongs concert
-stayover with 2d
-phy camp
-salvation army cip
-nj artistal
-ac restless
-entree camp
-nj band etude
-family day
-nus yes camp
-xue'er wedding
-church camp
gosh how am i gona study!
i will survive!

i cant wait for JC life to end;

YOU get a life

2008-05-17T15:02:00.000+08:00

haha really?
thats seriously
so funny cos
i beg to differ
its just you and
your lil friend maybe
i think YOU shld
get a life instead
yes i tried previously
but think i just wasted
a hell lota my time
cos
YOU
AINT
WORTH
IT
so screw off
and STOP thinking
SO highly of yourself
that the whole world
wanna be your
damn friend
actually my life
is so much better
and happier
without your shit face
around me
all the time
it just disgusts me
SERIOUSLY
so bye and stop
wasting my time
go live in your
lil world of YOUR OWN
MORON